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suffered more than most, as he was afflicted with a delicate constitution and spent most of his holiday frequenting the unisex .....

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Cedric practised discipline by crossing his legs and hopping on the spot, but to little avail, and being unable to hold on a minute longer, he took the unprecedented step (for him) of .........

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backed rapidly back out again, followed by a high-pitched scream. Blushing furiously, he was startled to be grabbed roughly by a burly gendarme who frog-marched him straight towards .....

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Only too aware that the french Gendarmerie were quite strict on their application of the law, He decided on the spot that he would contact the British Consul at the earliest opportunity...

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The cell phone went dead. 'Oh dash it all!' cried Cedric, now not only at maximum bladder capacity but also at the end of his tether. Fortunately he had studied the rudiments of French before his trip and now demanded 'Les toilettes rapidimente!' However, his accent wasn't the best and the French being the French .............

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'I'm jolly well parlezing Francais, my man, and if you don't lead me to votre commodes VITE, you'll be mopping up un grande PUDDLE!!'

Miraculously, the gendarmes had no difficulty understanding this and immediately ...........

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A plan so cunning, you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel (Cedric was a big fan of Blackadder). All he needed was a .....

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jumped out of the fenetre and was up le allez tout suite...

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and was onto the next boat home before you could say 'les carottes sont cuites'. Now who do you think he should bump into but Dex and Bessie, also returning home, and rather wider in the girth and lighter in the pocket after several weeks of ...........

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Relaxation, Bessie had put on a bit of weight, But Dex was sure she'd lose when she was back behind the bar...

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This made Bessie rather huffy. She flounced off, calling over her shoulder, 'REAL men LIKE curves, so THERE!' Oh, oh, dex was in trouble now, he ......

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mumbled under his breath, Women, I knew she'd lose It behind the bar. He settled down with his pint in a straight glass and pondered the eternal question of...

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and why you never find a lost article until you replace it. Dex came very close to solving these deep philosophical problems, only to ....

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realise that the deepest problem presented itself in the form of his empty cider glass...

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