gardengirl Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 then howled as he was grabbed by the hair and hauled in through the carriage window by the foul coachman! 'Sit down and shut up' Itsme was told roughly as he was flung into a corner.'Wh-wh-where are we going?' Itsme timidly asked. 'To Hell' the coachman answered with an awful grin 'well, Whitechapel actually' he went on 'but there ain't much difference!' Itsme gulped, Whitechapel, wasn't that where ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) Jack the ripoff merchant traded, Sure thing Sir, said the coach driver immediately inviting itsme to receive a crisp fiver that had also been torn in half. There you go Sir said the driver, after all one turn deserves another, just no one said it had to be good ha ha humbug... Edited September 25, 2013 by dex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 Now enough of this said itsme.when we get to Whitechapel i want another fiver as i need a hotel... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 ...for the night'. 'oh? think yer'll live long enough for that ?' leered the coachman , 'I'll be throwing you orf the coach in the East India Dock Road, an you'll not be finding any fancy hotels there my son!' 'Whitechapel ain't what you'd call a safe place but Jack The Ripoff merchant might find you a bed ......... a river-bed, haw haw hee hee!' Just as he said this, the coach lurched violently and they were both.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 Thrown violently forward, The coachman was knocked unconscious by the impact. Itsme thought this is my chance to get away from this evil fiend of a coachman and dived out of the coach and started off in the direction they had come from. Suddenly remembering as only a true Yorkshireman would, he returned to the coach where he retrieved his half tenner along with the coachman's other half fiver. Well he did suffer some minor whiplash and trauma from the accident. WTBTAC as he always remembered from the Yorkshire handbook of rules of gentlemanly conduct, and the driver was unconscious after all. So Itsme set off now confident he had the wherewithal to fulfil his needs. Now then no.1 A Good Hotel.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 He'd only walked a hundred yards or so when a sudden thought struck him. 'What do I need a hotel for?? I'll just borrow the coach and drive home!' He hauled the still unconscious coachman out of the coach, propped him up against a lamp post, threw an old coat over him (he was a gentleman after all), hopped into the driver's seat and with a 'Gee-up Dobbin,' and a flick of the reins he ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 set off along the road to the north. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 (edited) or would have, but realised that 'Dobbin' [and indeed the second black horse] had vanished from their traces [indeed, vanished without trace!] No going 'back oop North tonight ' thought Itsme gloomily, leaping back down to the pavement [still not paved with gold, he noticed.] 'Could things get any worse?' he wondered out loud ' Oh Itsme! Indeed they can' growled a strange voice from the other side of the coach, and as he turned trembling in that direction, a large ........... Edited September 27, 2013 by gardengirl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 rather mis-shapen form loomed out of the darkness, and itsme got his first view of jack the ripoff merchant. 'Are you lost?' jack said 'cos for a small fee I could always find you'. 'I could find you over there for example, or there' he said pointing to a pile of detritus. 'or for the right fee I could find some transport to take you to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Itsme had heard enough! He turned and fled, wailing as he did [he wasn't the bravest apple in the barrel]. He shot off in the direction of the river, feet [and heart] pounding, he was younger and fitter than Jack he would outrun him, no problem, and he really would have too, as fear had lent him wings, except just at that very moment...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 and extremely fortunately it was for our Itsme, a burly copper stepped out of the shadows and boomed the immortal words "'ello,'ello,'ello! What's going on 'ere?" Jack the Ripoff Merchant turned to scarper, but a large hand grabbed him by the collar and ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 slapped a pair of handcuffs on him before you could say 'Jack The Ripoff Merchant'. The huge copper strode off dragging Jack along next to him, and Itsme sighed with relief!London Town was not the place for an honest Yorkshireman[or a dishonest one] it was all 'reet weird' if you asked him.Now to find that comfy hotel for the night!Why, there it was, just across the road he laughed, and rushing across, rang the bell. The door opened slowly and creakily and a familiar voice croaked '....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 'Not you again!' Blow me down if it wasn't our Hairy Nellie again! 'You gotta cheek turn in' up 'ere again!' And she gave him a good clout around the lughole. Poor Itsme, it really had been a very trying day. But not one to be downcast for long and always looking for the proverbial old silver lining amongst life's little stormy cumulus's, he ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 (edited) Settled down for a rest, but out of the corner of his eye, he suddenly spied Jack. 'Well now, If a poor yokel would fall fer sids impression of a copper, then god help any sane folk who'd turn up down here' said Jack the ripoff merchant, ha ha hee hee hoo hoo bah bah blacksheep, Time to pay up or earn your keep... Edited September 27, 2013 by dex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 (edited) 'Right that's it!' Itsme had had enough. His usual equanimity had been sorely tried today. Usually a man of peaceful nature, this was that one straw too many. With a powerful left hook, he felled Jack the Ripoff, who sunk to the ground unconscious once more. It wasn't turning out to be a very good day for Jack either, but if you insist on going around intent on nefarious deeds, you really must be prepared for ....... Edited September 27, 2013 by poppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 .....anything that life throws at you! With a bound Itsme was out of the door , down the stairs, through the front door of the hotel and off up the street.As luck would have it, there was a tube station just around the corner, so he dived down the steps, vaulted over the turnstiles [no time to pay for a ticket!] and down the escalator to the platform, where a warm breeze informed him that the train would be arriving in a second or two. He peered into the darkness of the tunnel hopefully, when......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 A tap on the shoulder plus a cry of heyup itsmeagain... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 .... it was the little dog! The one who had licked [kissed] his face in the street earlier, and who he had followed down the alley, he gawped at it and stuttered ' a a a talking doggie!' 'The dog looked at him scornfully, 'of course I'm not a real dog you fool' he said ' I work for The Yard'. 'Oh, Scotland Yard?' asked Itsme, 'No the builders yard' sneered the dog 'Yes of course, I'm a detective, and I'm close to cracking this case, the disguise has really helped me 'I'm Barker of the Yard by the way' and so saying he trotted off with his tail held high. Itsme turned and followed him he had to know what.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 was going on at the corner of Market street, where little Barker roamed, wagging his..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 finger at a hoody who was littering the street by throwing down a half eaten bag of chips. Hurrying, Itsme caught up with the detective, who had abandoned his canine diguise somewhere in the tube station.Barker was huge now , six feet 5 in his socks and about 15 stone, how on earth had he ever been such a small dog? 'Ah well, you see, grinned Barker 'It's ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 All about Projection, You have to project the image you want everyone to see, and it seems to me that you could do with some practice itsme, said. Barker. You've got to really convince yourself , you come from god's county afterall, so it shouldn't be too hard to project yourself as a ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Barker never finished the sentence, as a ginger cat of staggering proportions ran across the road and vanished into the tube station, and Barker leapt after it, with a howl. It seemed that the detective was having a hard time remembering who [and what] he really was.That's it, thought Itsme, I have finally had enough of this madness , I'm off to Kings Cross to catch....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 A train to Plymouth.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardengirl Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Wait a mo, he thought, why on earth would I go there? No, I want to go back to Yorkshire, where the air is clean, coppers never pretend to be dogs, and thugs like Jack the Ripoff merchant never bother you ! So thinking, he set off down the road, but had hardly taken more than a few steps when thundering towards him came the largest, greenest ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Kermit the frog he had ever seen. What was even stranger was that on his arm was none other than a very large and voluptuous Miss Piggy. Itsme decided that all these strange creatures and goings on must really just be a dream. 'That's it, I'm hallucinating!' he cried. 'Someone spiked my drinks!! It was that confounded ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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