itsmeagain

PC Broderick, having received information on Martinus', ahem, less than exemplary past , declared, 'Martinus Public House, you are hereby under a vest for kidnap, you do not have to say...' 'I'm Pubicus, not Public House...Public House is where you go for a few jars each Friday night, don't....

turned to.my phone, which I hadn't switched on in 6 hours. A series of messages from Clothilde, threatening divorce. Pythagoras' eyes beamed at the prospect..all 7 quid 14 of me...being hers and hers only, after all....

Hello....?....

to wail, deep, anguished, sobs, which rent the air with their pleading tone. 'I'm PC Broderick' , declared PC Broderick, 44, from Wandsworth. 'I wanna know who this man is', he said, pointing at Golem. 'I ..am Martinus Pubicus, heir of Donny Pubicus,

the police arrived, a burly ginger bloke with a beard, leapt from the police car, and asked what's what, who's causing bother, etc. I...

what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Suddenly curious, I asked Golem for his name. 'Oh, wanting to get personal?', he said, a benign grin on his leery, sweaty, lairy physiognomy. 'I only want...

, a man dressed in a grey suit, brought lukewarm coffee to be sipped by all present. I was getting restless when the police arrived. Pythagoras......

Thanks for this Poppy.

..she..is...my ..wife', he hissed, like Golem eulogising about 'my preshuss' . ..'what's more, is..she ain't up for grabs..', then he suddenly launched into song.. 'My baby don't care for no other man, no My baby just cares for only I...', went the lyrics as he eyed me with disdain.'Don't worry', I whispered, in a cat hissy type of way, 'this is her sister Pythagoras'..'and he is mine, not hers', said Pythagoras, looking to..

a Hobbit like elderly gent with straggly hair and a Golem like sheen of sweat soaking his face, dressed in a yellow jacket, green muffler, sun spectacles,plus 4s, and beach sandals, arrived at...

stole cash to buy fags from a decrepit corner shop run by Mr and Mrs Matzarehvitz in Soihull, in 1986, the circumstances are uncertain but apparently she owed money to the electricity board, the TV licence thingy, the local

....she decided to ring her sister, Zelda, 38, a typewriter expert from Cheam, whose claim to fame....

for Wigton , he said , 'now yer mean Wigan moit, daan ere we ain't no Wigton or anyfink loik vat..' On we laboured,me with a small collection of books to sell, she with...

the demand of the driver for 54 quid 68, was met with ....

she did as I requested, and booked a cab. As we sailed methodically through the streets of London, I suddenly wondered who's about to pay the fare on arrival. As I pondered this, the cab pulled up suddenly. '54 pounds 68 moit", he declared, as .

slice of the action', she declared, swivelling her hips like an extra in Strictly Go dancing, or something. I said how damn glad I was to see her.'I can see no sign of that', she declared, looking...

a bloke passing by on a ricksha, hailed me, 'sir, all rides free today. Where are you 🚶‍♂️ going..?..' 'Wigtown, rare books auction', I coughed, hoping to

cheap retro copies of early Dickens, especially Sketches by Boz; Frederick Engels and his Anti Duhring; and the Benefits of using Kamikaze assaults on chav youths by Bertie Seedling, and decided to call in and browse. My phone beeped and it was Bobert Gallstones, with his exhortation that I buy up his.....

I recalled all the books I wanted, eg.....

pulled out some Monopoly money,threw that at Archie, and ran so very fast that by the time I got to my localTesco cafe, I was sweating and wanted nice syrupy hot tea. I ...

Being an adventurous type of a bloke, I opted to try a sunnier clime than dear old Scotland, so I opted for Barbados. Rushing into a shop to kit myself out in the best in beach apparel, I opted for green shorts, red vest, yellow bandanna, and upon being asked to settle up, I discovered I still possessed just 7 quid 14. The bill was 60 quid, and Mr Archie McDougall was not impressed.

here he is, offering me 100 pounds as....

'beg man, och, jest tryst yurr entyooeshun, no. ?', and so I went down to the local job centre, where I told them I am John Revolting, 54, from New Jersey. 'John ..Revolver..?', asked the flunkey with a name badge, Nick....

I was horribly late for an appointment with Michael

as excellent music, so, rolling a fag,