itsmeagain

the builder, Bob by name, builder by game, gardening being an interest of his on cold October days. "I am male", declared Gilbert gruffly, flexing a flabby arm, and showing nicotine stained fingers to Bob the silly builder "Prove it honey, I hope you can back at my gaff", said Bob lecherously.

mesmerised by Gilbert's rotting blackened stubs that passed for teeth. " That man's so ugly mummy, he has got black teeth. Does he clean them?", asked CynthiaSpudd, 4, from Harwich. "Shhhhhhsssh!", wailed mummy Susan, 23, looking abashed.

hurtled frantically towards the door. Making a swift exit, and heading towards the nearest bus home, he was impressed once again by....

"now my sweet man, remove your clothes. Do not be shy, you need stress relief, I am your stress reliever." Gilbert gulped.. "Christ, a man can't even call in for a wash now without a massage thrown in...." "Chop chop little man", chided Songchee, demurely. "What's a happy ending and in what book?", asked Gilbert, bemused.

go relieve myself in toilet now please". Odd little bloke, thought Songchee, relieving himself when...

Warm here in Faro.

Iced tea, apple plus cinnamon.

sinking into the ground. "Can you let me pay after Ive washed? Only i have been dressed in a pink fluffy blanket all day?" Songchee was puzzled by the little odd man, and

Haberdasher

would turn up. In that sense he was like a slug, as he had the motivation of a slug and also he was suitably attired, as his towel was covered in a degree of slime which wouldn't look out of place if it had emanated from a greasy slug. Gilbert entered a shop that said "wash and brush, ease your pains here", and "happy ending offered". "Hmmm, must sell books", mused Gilbert, as a dark skinned lady named Songchee, ushered him in with a smile. "I only entered for a wash", said Gilbert.

rushed away from this awful dive, out into a cool London afternoon. "I must get some clothes before I get stopped by the police", he mused, rhetorically. "And when I get some food down me, I can go home and change...

Torrential rain all week it's been.

swift slap to his posterior. Our Gilbert, generally being a sedate type of soul, did not take too kindly to that, and turned upon his accoster. "Can I please have a bit of shush?? Keep your eyes open for a girl named Rosetta. When we were skint in the old days we used to scrump apples from Fandangle's orchard in Surrey, we rigged electric meters , etc..all to get by..but now the cow chucked me in a river." A roar of laughter enveloped the room, as....

Far from the madding crowd by Thomas Hardy. Tremendous.

stag do for Bert Balls, 32, who hailed from Bermondsey. "Gimme a bite o yurr sausage!!" , said,Elsie Dovenest, 55, "I haven't had one for forrteen yearrs!" The whole place erupted in laughter.

Disgusting beyond belief, the way these geeks on the programme promote animal testing, smoking monkeys,etc. Absolutely contemptible.

a huge gust of wind caused him to let the wind swipe away the black bin liner. A passing motorist, Cynthia Slugger, threw him.a large towel, advising him to cover up as she didn't want to be exposed to such a pathetic sight whilst driving. Gilbert happily draped himself in a pink fluffy towel, declaring the need for vengeance now. He could

the course of action known as," what goes around, comes,around", in other words do nothing. He was simply...

..take down your name and number, and I'll be in touch..nudge nudge wink wink"...@nd with that, the police officer sped away swiftly, leaving Gilbert in a quandary.

dog faeces on a stick, now Gilbert was irate. He told PC Bernard Farmer, 32, that a funny woman named Rosetta, whom he was once a boyfriend to, had unceremoniously pushed him into the dank, wet, rancid water. "Can you tell me sir, how long...

cut loose and go check her bank balance. Down Gumption street she strolled, musing about the fact that a friend in need can quickly be abandoned as and when she , Rosetta, feels like it. Having ascertained that her bank balance was indeed healthy, she mused half heartedly about her next newspaper article. She needn't wait long, as wailing police and ambulance sirens flew towards Mawkish Water, the brook below the bridge she pushed Gilbert from. Unsuspecting, she rushed to...

come over to mine whilst we discuss it?", asked Rosetta, sweetly. For once it seemed to Gilbert that he was on to a good thing. A sparrow flew unobtrusively into a tree nearby. Gilbert puffed acrid, disgusting old holborn fumes into Rosetta's ear, as he reminisced."Do you recall old Albert Barsteward? Yeah well so did I..only he did a runner from the tv licensing authority and I said i dunno him", he drawled, smoothing his yellow creased shirt down with an air of propriety towards Rosetta. Rosetta walked miles in this fashion, until finally they...

you felt that way, my sweet", he gasped, coughing and wheezing as the revolting stench of Old Holborn assailed Rosetta's nostrils. "Actually I have a request", said Rosetta, a gleaming twinkle in her eye making Gilbert feel that perhaps...

as he passed by, he spotted her. By the look of Rosetta, Gilbert felt she had come into better financial times. "Ahoy there, me pretty smarty angel", he called, hopefully, rolling a cigarette as he was prone to doing at times of high excitement, low excitement, and no excitement. "Remember the good times Rosetta? Come for a pint my dear". Startled, Rosetta

the day a seagull pooped on one during a rendition of Waltzing Matilda, causing Gilbert Nobacon, eco warrior, to proclaim in a newspaper piece, that in his view,marriage