itsmeagain

"put your hand there". Mrs Supermarket pulled over, stopped the car, turned to Ermy, and said"Who are you? How ....

canoodling, the way folk used to do in Saturday matinees in the1950s, all fingers and fumbling thumbs, not allowing himself to be put off by bulges, love handles, sweat, or....

slim our Ermentrude, and a sack of her shoes currently lies on the kitchen floor. Can you...

sore skin. I mean your dear Uncle Marv, he was eaten alive by the varmint tic, an interloper type of insect suddenly prevalent in 1940sLondon." Mrs Supermarket drove over to pick....

His stories are amazingly funny. I took a Penguin compendium whilst travelling in Georgia, and laughed my socks off.

"Mum, am in the estate agent place, and a fella is waving his croissant around." "I will come and get you. Why buy houses when 25 million languishes in the bank? I know someone who could do

a man in a bikini, with a hairy chest..him not the bikini had the hairy chest..gave a rendition of the zMarseillaise, waving a French....

Bombay sloo.

Greatest joke I ever heard was how, every 4th year. England's football experts claim "We got a real chance this year guys", as another world cup disaster unfolds.

hd couldn't give a damn. "Houses, mush", he declared, his ludicrous middle of the road moustache belying the fact that hr was truly a little aggressive firebrand when provoked. "We do have a mansion in Chelsea, Smurf gardens, no 123", declared a balding man in tweed, with a black plastic petticoat to boot."I am Horatio Edgar Garble", the man...

Befuddled buffoons, like the man seeking a gerbil recently, with respect sir, sticky buns in an estate agent premises is one thing, but quite another was a Dilbert seeking a gerbil. Grossly...

Dry and cold. Rain has fallen almost daily, heavy rain, since September.

invest in a nice three bedroom house in Chelsea. He entered Garble and Befuddle, estate agents, in Chelsea. "Good evening sir, have you got enough brass for one....

Suddenly worried, Gilbert left, saying he will think about the offer. Instead he went to look at a house, as his own crumbling house was. .

..I paid in a windfall of twenty five million smackeroons, so muchso that the amount had Ellie drooling. Had a date with me , she did...doesn't like ending a date on a high, declining mustard and sprout flavoured crisps last night.Your colleague Ellie." "Oh good man, good man..a man of the world", drawled Dave, deferential suddenly. "I need investment advice", said Gilbert, pretending that....

went to the Uncooperative bank plc, on Dork Lane, for financial advice. Gruffly spoken, spiv like adviser Dave Gubbed, 26, was in charge."Tell me Mr...." "Supermarket..Gilbert".

his dullard, coma inducing company. "His weasly little face, his mousy unkempt hair, his red clothes..unbearable", declared Ellie. Meantime, Gilbert slept well. So well, indeed, that at 9.30am, a phone call....

"I'll text you..bye." Thus ended the dullest date even Gilbert had ever experienced. He went home, stopping for kebab meat with salad at Greasy Fernando's kebab house on Stench locket Close. Ellie went home and told husband Ben that....

Big welcome Shelfy!! this dude was attractive, or I could feign him being attractive... Her dismal reverie was interrupted by Gilbert's plaintive question " how about a bag of crisps before we go home? A nice way to end our chat."

really, how much nice rubbish a bloke may accumulate. My cousin Ollie, from Wealdstone, was over in Portsmouth three Thursdays back, he went through a tunnel, and...

Servings

so quietly self centred. He had no interests, it seemed, no opinions, and he dressed like a penguin at a fancy dress ball. He was just typical of a modern suburban idiot made good. Why did he thi k that I would be interested in him, she mused rhetorically, failing to be cognizant of the fact that she was the one who was desperate for a date. "What do you do for fun?", she asked, supping ginger ale through a,straw, watched disdainfully by Mahmood Isbad,25,proprietor.

Tureen

get you a drink? I mean, we made it all the way here, we can at least eat and drink". Nodding mutely, Gilbert allowed her to saunter over and order chicken, chips , plus Lucozade. "This is the life", he sighed. Ellie returned to the table, she sighed despairingly, and sat down. "So..what you been up to?" It was clearly one of those abysmal dates made in hell, you know, dear reader, like when....

Buried