itsmeagain

got spruced up. Half an hour later, her looks,accentuated by makeup and a low dress, she rolled up, the aroma of perfume meaning that every bee in Camden was following her to Florence's front door. "Oh god Gilbert how long...

A prolonged coughing fit greeted Dosetta when she answered as follows. "Rosetta, yes am better, yes am well well well..and you?" "Oh these damn cigs, cahacah ahcahacahacah..oh god is it Rosetta?" Rosetta suddenly realised it was...

Still teeming with rain.

Raining.

in addition, Bert Winters, 87, from Scrambled egg road, you know, the bloke whose false teeth keep on falling out in the pub, well he can't cope at home so he is coming with us. He can sleep in the garage, an old electric heater will be sufficient, a few quilts,to throw on him". "Any women?" asked Gilbert, in hope more than expectation.

Travel

the motor pulling up outside Florence's abode. Wilf Supermarket, 61, dad of Gilbert, was out quickly, shaking hands with his son, who was keen to hear any news about money. "Where's the cheque dad?",enquired Gilbert, who was not noted for diplomacy. "Where I put it", said Wilf, enigmatically. "Sit down son, and have a cup of tea...new suit I see", said dad, less than affably.

get his mitts on the dosh proffered by the dead man named Marvin. He would buy 125 doughnuts,with cream as a fabulous treat, he would smoke

kangaroo on acid, and went on his merry way. Now in the haberdashery, he set off back home in a beige VW , mum steering dutifully and with...

The theory of Everything. Terrific film.

saved his,wee dog, Periwinkle, from being caught by a lion when Uncle Dick let Periwinkle off the lead in a safari park in Liverpool. You were a mere eight years old, yet ucle Marv always marvelled at how diligently you brought Periwinkle the Pekinese, back to safety." All Gilbert could think of now, was all the rollups, beer, and doughnuts he can buy,with the cool 25 million smackeroons. He decided to contact Rosetta.

He rang his mum again, half an hr later her satnav was looking up Puddlemuck Avenue haberdashers, where she soon brought her son 100 pounds, got him kitted out, and said " come to tea, do, your dad wanted. ..

Florence reckoned that her son had brought it all on himself yet again."Mum i am in a haberdasher shop , I have no clothes on , get me some cash please." Gilbert was now so...

Tremendous from beginning to end. It necessarily skips certain phases of the book, eg the fairground appearance, in disguise, of Troy, the nine months or more of misery for Bathsheba before the last events of the book, but yes, generally faithful in every way to a great great book.

Far from the madding crowd, last night.

had Gilbert floundering in the water, yelling for help."He was pushed by a thug passing by!!" shouted Ernest, attempting to hide his mirth. The fire brigade hauled Gilbert from the water, worms and leaves in equal proportions in his hair. "I can honestly say it wasn't me",

The trial of the Rotherham paedophiles and two female accomplices has been going on. Sordid.

one August evening,came down to the river and told Gilbert that he really needed to see this!! All Gilbert needed to do was to stand up and creep slowly down the river wall, and he would see a naked lady through a gap in the wall. Frothing at the mouth, Gilbert slid hopefully down, directed by a very earnest Ernest, who.....

struck Ernest Starbuck, 60, of Brixton, on the head with a lump of coke taken from mum's coal fire. Ernest had stormed around to see Florence, irate, and,swearing he will take revenge on Gilbert if ever a lump of hot coke should fly over the garden wall again. At pains to be logical, Gilbert next day told Ernest that lumps of coke do not possess wings , and so they cannot fly. Forcing laughter, through gritted teeth, Ernest vowed to get the 15 year old clown back. Next January , Gilbert was fishing for sprats on the River Putrescent in Croydon....

98.99 precisely", declared Dave, in a lacklustre way so typical of modern man. Gilbert suddenly realised that his wallet was gone. His aged mother, Florence Nitful,duly answered the phone. "My dear Gilbert, what's up dear", she intoned, worry etching itself across the mosaic of her feelings."I need cash mom, a woman, an old flame, Rosetta, done throw me in the river." Florence was. ..

Benji ordered all three men off his bus. Gilbert ran like he had not run since someone offered him a job cleaning toilets at Kings Cross station. He saw a sign for a haberdasher,and went in. "Ignore the pink blanket", declared Gilbert, "it don't mean I am a gay." "Who cares..gay means happy to me", said Dave Gilcup, 32, the assistant. "I need a shirt, trousers, and jumper."

Darryl Farter, 23, from Croydon, square on the jaw. Being quite an unforgiving type of a bloke, it became imperative that Darryl retaliate, and swiftly. He threw a ball of wool....

I just found an old postcard tucked into Sam Selvon, Moses ascending.In pencil someone has written a shopping list on back of the postcard.

Furnished

"What the blazes is,'appening ere?", yelled bus driver Benji Fracas, 34. "Do you two boys want the cops,or are you going to calm down?" Aggrieved, Bob