poppy Posted September 4, 2023 Posted September 4, 2023 I remembered I had something in my backpack that I could give Aunt Biscuit. So re-heaving my distended and ponderous body out of the car again, I plodded back inside. I could feel an enormous ... Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 4, 2023 Posted September 4, 2023 build up of wind and rather than let that go in the car (for obvious reasons) I decided to wait inside until it was done. It was epic but I was relieved of the bloating and tried to carry on with my task. Unfortunately I was so weak that I ended up fainting. Some time later ................................. Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 5, 2023 Posted September 5, 2023 I came round, as I did so I heard singing. It was very tuneful too. Aunt Biscuit! Just as I was thinking this she came bustling in and saw that I was awake. “Johnny-boy! How urrrr ye? Ye fairly gie'd us all a start! We even goat the docturrr oot tae ye. 'Magine him sayin'' that ye'd on'y feintit! Sit yersel' up then, I've brung ye some hot sweet tea, that'll sort ye right oot.” She hauled me (she was, still, a big strong formidable woman) into a sitting position and handed me the mug full of hot, sweet tea. “Get that doon ye!” She instructed. So I did. Then ………. Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 5, 2023 Author Posted September 5, 2023 I asked about world news: Japan derided by China 🇨🇳 😳 for allegedly dumping radioactive or poisoned waste into the sea and China banning Japanese seafood; Boris Johnson appearing on TV claiming to be.... Quote
poppy Posted September 6, 2023 Posted September 6, 2023 Prime Minister still, complaining how badly he's treated by the press and how misunderstood he is. I decided I'd heard quite enough world news and stopped any further bulletins before I ... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 6, 2023 Author Posted September 6, 2023 went.mad..well I didn't go mad, instead I made a few calls. My bank had begun getting restless around my total balance of 7 quid 14p, my wife Clothilde was angry cos I hadn't yet been paid by Millie,whose hat collection was described as 'bizarre' in a letter to Hats and Hippies, a Newark based assortment of diverse.... Quote
poppy Posted September 6, 2023 Posted September 6, 2023 and eccentric fashion. It was time to pull my finger out and improve the depleted coffers before the bank closed my account and Clothilde became completely unhinged. I asked Ginger if there was any way I could make a quick buck. 'Weeell, I ken a wee mon who's lookin for someone tae ... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 7, 2023 Author Posted September 7, 2023 help him with a wee bet o dealing, if marijuuana is your baag...or Sulfi the Indian is seeking bhaji sellerrs on Friday neets if yourrrr....... Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 7, 2023 Posted September 7, 2023 interestit”. And with that, the very many reasons that I left Scotland in the first place were complete. “That's it, is it?” I spat “Drug dealing or onion bhajis?” I was about to lam him one when Aunt Biscuit came in humming a very familiar tune. Suddenly something struck me …….. Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 7, 2023 Author Posted September 7, 2023 as excellent music, so, rolling a fag, Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 8, 2023 Posted September 8, 2023 (edited) I felt myself relax. Something would come up I was sure and I did come here to see Aunt Biscuit, after all. Unnoticed by me Ginger crept out of the room as Aunt Biscuit kept singing her wee tune. Some time later, I woke up and realised .......... Edited September 8, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 8, 2023 Author Posted September 8, 2023 I was horribly late for an appointment with Michael Quote
poppy Posted September 8, 2023 Posted September 8, 2023 Why this realisation suddenly struck me is a complete mystery. I didn't know anyone by the name of Michael in Nether Bogside and I hadn't made any appointment. I decided it was just the product of my over fertile imagination but Ginger said ... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 8, 2023 Author Posted September 8, 2023 (edited) 'beg man, och, jest tryst yurr entyooeshun, no. ?', and so I went down to the local job centre, where I told them I am John Revolting, 54, from New Jersey. 'John ..Revolver..?', asked the flunkey with a name badge, Nick.... Edited September 8, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 8, 2023 Posted September 8, 2023 "No, Revolting, just like you are" I replied. I was astonished to find myself in such a place. It did not take me long to realise that I would not be making any money at all signing on at a Jobcentre and it certainly would not be earned quickly so I walked out. I was beginning to think that Ginger did not have my best interests at heart and was about to tell him that when ..................... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 8, 2023 Author Posted September 8, 2023 here he is, offering me 100 pounds as.... Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 9, 2023 Posted September 9, 2023 nothing more than a smile (which is all he was going to get!). I decided that Aunt Biscuit notwithstanding I was done with Nether Bogside so I took the money and run. Ginger seemed very keen to give me a lift to the nearest bus station and dropped me off without a backward glance. That's when I realised that my backpack was heavier than usual (Ginger dumped it in the car for me) and when I looked into it I found that Aunt Biscuit had packed a special present for me, her home-made tablet. That made me very happy! So, to the bus. Where shall I go this time? Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 9, 2023 Author Posted September 9, 2023 Being an adventurous type of a bloke, I opted to try a sunnier clime than dear old Scotland, so I opted for Barbados. Rushing into a shop to kit myself out in the best in beach apparel, I opted for green shorts, red vest, yellow bandanna, and upon being asked to settle up, I discovered I still possessed just 7 quid 14. The bill was 60 quid, and Mr Archie McDougall was not impressed. Quote
poppy Posted September 10, 2023 Posted September 10, 2023 He told me if I didn't get it all off straught awa' he'd have the polis onto me. I really loved my new outfit, I felt it expressed my true personality, so I was loath to comply. Thinking on my toes I ... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 10, 2023 Author Posted September 10, 2023 (edited) pulled out some Monopoly money,threw that at Archie, and ran so very fast that by the time I got to my localTesco cafe, I was sweating and wanted nice syrupy hot tea. I ... Edited September 10, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote
lunababymoonchild Posted September 10, 2023 Posted September 10, 2023 found that it was shut due to a burst water main, and with Archie hot on my heels I ran back out of the cafe and the store and off down the street, at full pelt. Naturally, still being in Nether Bogside it started to rain at that moment, which cooled me down enough to catch my breath. I ducked under cover and decided to wait it out. I held my breath as Archie ran straight past me and let out a sigh of relief as he kept running down the road. Just then ............... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 10, 2023 Author Posted September 10, 2023 I recalled all the books I wanted, eg..... Quote
poppy Posted September 10, 2023 Posted September 10, 2023 How To Build Your Own Country; Raising Toads For Fun and Profit; Castration, the Pros and Cons; and The Wonderful World of Bitumen. As luck would have it, I was just passing 'Sorry, I'm Booked', a shop packed with ... Quote
itsmeagain Posted September 11, 2023 Author Posted September 11, 2023 (edited) cheap retro copies of early Dickens, especially Sketches by Boz; Frederick Engels and his Anti Duhring; and the Benefits of using Kamikaze assaults on chav youths by Bertie Seedling, and decided to call in and browse. My phone beeped and it was Bobert Gallstones, with his exhortation that I buy up his..... Edited September 11, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote
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