Continue the story.....

[itsmeagain]

making me puke, after which I felt way better. I said to Madame Biscuit '@s stated, je suis John Revolting, all I want is a hat, bohemian cherry if you will, and if...

Edited August 18, 2023 by itsmeagain

[lunababymoonchild]

you could possibly furnish me and Pythagoras here with some hot sweet tea (I said to buy me some thinking time), I'd appreciate it. Thank you." Then ..................

[poppy]

Mrs Biscuit stamped her not insubstantial foot (size 11 at a guess), tossed her head,  sending her blonde curls bouncing in all directions and causing her wig to go aschew and shrilled, 'You zink zis is some kind of greasy spoon arrangement??  Va-t'en! Maintenant!!' With that she flounced out. Pythagoras and I looked at each other ...

[lunababymoonchild]

“After her!” I yelled “She's not getting away with this malarky!” Slamming my fist on the table and scarpering after her. Pythagoras, far too elegant and sophisticated for that type of behaviour, remained where she was. Whereupon, after a good look round, she found …….

[itsmeagain]

a nice cherry 🍒 red fedora with elastic green trim,  a rhea feather on the peak.

As I put it on, my mobile rang.

'Hello,is that John Revolting..? It's Bobert Gallstone from Wrongtime books..you recall we met..?..well...

Edited August 20, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

you know that book you were after? The first edition of  'Inside the Fascinating World of Paint Drying'? Well it's ready for you.

I was delighted, I'd be able to pick it up wearing my new hat.

(picture of my hat in different colours)

But more pressing matters pressed and Pythagoras was looking none too ...

[itsmeagain]

pleased .'Is it a man? Sounds effeminate if he is', she said, her tone making it quite clear that the only playing sanctioned, was to be with her and only her. 'So, Mr Revolting, I'll be round at your gaff by 7pm tomorrow..do put on the kettle and prepare hot, sweet, densely strong, black tea for me', intoned Bobert , clearly thinking he knew more about me than was actually the case.

'Now listen',said Pythagoras,  angry tears...

[poppy]

appearing in her stockings as she raked them with her long nail extensions (Pythagoras was NOT happy), 'if you think you can go gallivanting off with a little floozy named Bobbette while I bend over backwards with my nose to the grindstone,  you've got ...

[lunababymoonchild]

another think coming. We are going to finish this investigation if it kills you (cos it ain't going to kill me)." she spat.

 

I wasn't expecting that! "What now ......?" I thought, "Think quickly Johnny boy" I further thought. Just then ..............

[itsmeagain]

God damn it all, my phone chimed again. Trying to ignore it, I began nonchalantly whistling , 'Hitler, has only got one ball, Himmler, had something similar', but, alas, despite my sterling efforts, Pythagoras was, as usual, on the ball..not Himmler's, nor Hitler's, but mine..metaphorically squeezing it tight...'@nswer the phone', she screeched,  🏃‍♀️ running towards me. My screen showed ,'she who must be obeyed..'Clothilde, my wife. 

'Hello...?

 

Edited August 22, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Clotilde? ...' in much the same as Capt Mainwaring answered the phone to his wife Elizabeth. Capt Mainwaring and I have much in common when it comes to the trouble and strife. I also felt a strong affinity to Rumpole in his dealings with Mrs Hilda Rumpole. Both ladies were able to strike fear and the giving way of knees in the most stalwart of fellows.

'Is that you ...dear?' I quavered. Her answer and the volume left me in no doubt. 

'JOHN!!' she bellowed, ...

[itsmeagain]

It's me, Clothilde. The bloody council tax bill is unpaid,  and I am looking not only squarely towards you, but also at being evicted in about two years time, due to your bungled frivolity.'

'But dear Danish gold star of mine', said I, attempting to assuage the pain, '@s said before, my business trip has taken longer than expected,  not least due to the fact of me finding your shopping trips have cost me all bar my remaining  7 quid 14....you have my card..' Pythagoras......

Edited August 23, 2023 by itsmeagain

[lunababymoonchild]

grabbed the phone and hung up. "You're MARRIED?" she screamed, looking murderous. Just then ...............

[itsmeagain]

my phone rang again.

'Hello..?..' I asked, as Bobert Gallstone said, 'there's another book coming out about espionage in the factories..apparently someone at Millie's millinery is....

[poppy]

mentioned in an incriminatory fashion.'

'WHO??' I shouted, highly excited by this possible lead. But the phone crackled and buzzed and then ... disconnected. I looked at it in disgust. I would have chucked it on the floor and jumped on it, but with only 7 quid 14 left, I decided it'd keep. 

'I've got to go back to Bobert's!' I cried as I rushed out the door. Pythagoras's screams of rage followed me, it had been a trying day for her. 'You three timing son of a ...

[lunababymoonchild]

you know what!" and she grabbed me by the proverbials and sqeezed hard. As my eyes began to water and I truly thought that the pain alone was going to kill me, something vital occurred to me and I managed to ...................

[itsmeagain]

tell her,' just think of the financial rewards of being with me', then when she let go, I hobbled away so swiftly....

Edited August 24, 2023 by itsmeagain

[lunababymoonchild]

my nose began to bleed. "Oh great!" I thought "DNA all over the place, someone will now be able to prove that I'm the father!" Pythagoras, meanwhile ......................... 

[itsmeagain]

doggedly and determinedly steadfast to the very last,  wouldn't allow me to follow Charlene anywhere without her. So off we went, down a dismal corridor with portaloo bogs, one for men, one for women.

'Go in there', I said, '@nd let me know if Madame Biscuit is present '

But

Edited August 24, 2023 by itsmeagain

[lunababymoonchild]

Pythagoras had other ideas and the next thing I knew my poor squashed bits were pressed into service and I had to perform to her satisfaction. Fortunately, she was satisfied because I was very circumspect about having good results and I felt only pain. As Pythagoras basked in the glow I seized my chance and made off in the direction of Charlene/Tatty Doughnut quick-smart. Just as I thought that things were going my way ………

Edited August 25, 2023 by lunababymoonchild

[itsmeagain]

I heard the dulcet tones of a familiar......

Edited August 25, 2023 by itsmeagain

[Hux]

Fart. It had the combined scent of death and beetroot and... 

[itsmeagain]

I knew it wasn't mine.

Looking about for the culprit, a bloke waved at me and said 'who smelt it dealt it..'

Affronted by the effrontery, ....

Edited August 25, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

I used my multiple skills in hand to hand and foot to foot combat to teach him a lesson. Unfortunately...

[itsmeagain]

he slipped away, and I was left alone, phone vibrating in my hand, suddenly realising I have an angry 'mistress', a livid wife, a Madame Biscuit, and, as if it's not enough, Millie waiting on progress.

I had signed a contract.

As I sat with Millie, her office full of candles 🕯 and candle stubs due to the power cuts, and her unwillingness to pay for electricity,  I  squinted at the small print. After I signed, Millie passed me a magnifying glass.....