itsmeagain Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 we were in a seedy bar in downtown Auchtermuchty. In strode Dubaius Moroseness, 45, a denizen of York, claiming precedence without prejudice, regarding... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) English Superiority. Having had a belly-full in Canada and then being humiliated on the bus home, I was not about to tolerate any chicanery from some toffy-nosed and sombre English person and certainly not in my home country. Dubaius Moroseness may well have a very fitting name for his job and been high up in the High Priesthood of Bipolarish Tendancies but that did not and would not ever get him anywhere here in Scotland. But before I could get anywhere near him (for it's a known fact that in a seedy and downtown bar in Auchtermuchty that type of condescending attitude would have to die) he was chibbed by a certain wee nyaff who, it turned out, had been lying in wait just for that very purpose. It was all very disturbing because that gave me pause to realise that I knew full well that Auchtermuchty did not have a downtown - nowhere in Scotland does and if you say that to a Scottish person the best you can expect to get is a puzzled look - much less a seedy bar, never mind a chibbing. Auchtermuchy, it was all coming back to me as I woke myself up, was a respectable community populated by decent people. And what was a representatve of the not popular and very contentious High Priesthood of Bipolarish Tendancies doing in a morally upright and law-abiding village like Auchtermuchty? Clearly I was not in Auchtermuchty. Although definitely somewhere in Scotland. I knew that because it was raining and the scenery, such as it was, was verdant. Where was I then? I wanted to visit my Aunt Biscuit. Where could she be? Confusion reigned until I met ....................................... Edited September 1, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 ,very fortuitously as it happened, my cousin Ginger Biscuit. After he'd gone through all the 'Lang time nae see's, 'Hoo's it gaun' and 'Yer lookin’ a bit peely wally!', I managed to get a word in edgeways and ask ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 (edited) him where we actually were, because I didn't recognise the place. "Weel, it's haurdly suprisin' that ye dinna ken whaur ye aur. Yer in Nether Bogside which is in the Ecclefechan parish, it is'nae weel kent. Ah mooooved here ages ago when mah mither wis drivin' me up the wa'. She canna fin me here, so dinna tell her." he said. Once I got to the end of all that (and it took some doing, I hadn't practiced my Scottish lingual skills in quite clearly a very long time) I explained that it was not his mother I had come to see but my other Aunt Biscuit and that I'd be obliged if he could show me how to get there. "Ach dinna fash yersel'. Ah'll be mor' n' happy to gie ye a lift, ye ken. But first ............." Edited September 2, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 we'll have a wee strupach. I told Ginger to make mine hot and sweet and a slice of Dundee cake or a couple pieces of shortbread wouldn't go amiss. I hadn't eaten since breakfast. So we ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 2, 2023 Author Share Posted September 2, 2023 sipped sweetened green tea with crushed raspberries and ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 I horsed into the largest three course meal ever. Then followed Dundee cake and shortbread. Satiated at last, I felt better and much more calm. “Hunger's guid kitchen!” Ginger laughed. “Aye, I wis famished!” I declared, finally finding my Scottish tongue at last. It wasn't long before I fell asleep in Ginger's comfy armchair staring into his crackling fire and (so I thought) gathering my thoughts. I found myself gently waking up as the sun, unusual at any time of day in Scotland, slowly crept into the room. Stretching and yawning after a very good night's sleep, ……………… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 the first thing I needed was a hot, sweet cuppa. Ginger was already up and about and the kettle was boiling. 'It's a braw day!' he declared. Good, I thought, maybe today we'd get to see Aunt Biscuit. But first, Ginger again insisted on plying me with mountains of food. At this rate ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 I was going to burst! I was slowly remembering why it was I left Scotland in the first place, it was all coming back to me. Nevertheless, I persisted in my mission of at the very least seeing my Aunt Biscuit. So, weighed down by digesting what felt like heavy calories, and it was raining (again?) I asked cousin Ginger to take me to see Auntie Biscuit. Just as I was heaving my food laden self into the car ........................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 I remembered I had something in my backpack that I could give Aunt Biscuit. So re-heaving my distended and ponderous body out of the car again, I plodded back inside. I could feel an enormous ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 build up of wind and rather than let that go in the car (for obvious reasons) I decided to wait inside until it was done. It was epic but I was relieved of the bloating and tried to carry on with my task. Unfortunately I was so weak that I ended up fainting. Some time later ................................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 I came round, as I did so I heard singing. It was very tuneful too. Aunt Biscuit! Just as I was thinking this she came bustling in and saw that I was awake. “Johnny-boy! How urrrr ye? Ye fairly gie'd us all a start! We even goat the docturrr oot tae ye. 'Magine him sayin'' that ye'd on'y feintit! Sit yersel' up then, I've brung ye some hot sweet tea, that'll sort ye right oot.” She hauled me (she was, still, a big strong formidable woman) into a sitting position and handed me the mug full of hot, sweet tea. “Get that doon ye!” She instructed. So I did. Then ………. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 5, 2023 Author Share Posted September 5, 2023 I asked about world news: Japan derided by China 🇨🇳 😳 for allegedly dumping radioactive or poisoned waste into the sea and China banning Japanese seafood; Boris Johnson appearing on TV claiming to be.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 Prime Minister still, complaining how badly he's treated by the press and how misunderstood he is. I decided I'd heard quite enough world news and stopped any further bulletins before I ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 6, 2023 Author Share Posted September 6, 2023 went.mad..well I didn't go mad, instead I made a few calls. My bank had begun getting restless around my total balance of 7 quid 14p, my wife Clothilde was angry cos I hadn't yet been paid by Millie,whose hat collection was described as 'bizarre' in a letter to Hats and Hippies, a Newark based assortment of diverse.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 6, 2023 Share Posted September 6, 2023 and eccentric fashion. It was time to pull my finger out and improve the depleted coffers before the bank closed my account and Clothilde became completely unhinged. I asked Ginger if there was any way I could make a quick buck. 'Weeell, I ken a wee mon who's lookin for someone tae ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 help him with a wee bet o dealing, if marijuuana is your baag...or Sulfi the Indian is seeking bhaji sellerrs on Friday neets if yourrrr....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 interestit”. And with that, the very many reasons that I left Scotland in the first place were complete. “That's it, is it?” I spat “Drug dealing or onion bhajis?” I was about to lam him one when Aunt Biscuit came in humming a very familiar tune. Suddenly something struck me …….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 as excellent music, so, rolling a fag, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 (edited) I felt myself relax. Something would come up I was sure and I did come here to see Aunt Biscuit, after all. Unnoticed by me Ginger crept out of the room as Aunt Biscuit kept singing her wee tune. Some time later, I woke up and realised .......... Edited September 8, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 8, 2023 Author Share Posted September 8, 2023 I was horribly late for an appointment with Michael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 Why this realisation suddenly struck me is a complete mystery. I didn't know anyone by the name of Michael in Nether Bogside and I hadn't made any appointment. I decided it was just the product of my over fertile imagination but Ginger said ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 8, 2023 Author Share Posted September 8, 2023 (edited) 'beg man, och, jest tryst yurr entyooeshun, no. ?', and so I went down to the local job centre, where I told them I am John Revolting, 54, from New Jersey. 'John ..Revolver..?', asked the flunkey with a name badge, Nick.... Edited September 8, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 "No, Revolting, just like you are" I replied. I was astonished to find myself in such a place. It did not take me long to realise that I would not be making any money at all signing on at a Jobcentre and it certainly would not be earned quickly so I walked out. I was beginning to think that Ginger did not have my best interests at heart and was about to tell him that when ..................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 8, 2023 Author Share Posted September 8, 2023 here he is, offering me 100 pounds as.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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