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Posted

nothing more than a smile (which is all he was going to get!). I decided that Aunt Biscuit notwithstanding I was done with Nether Bogside so I took the money and run. Ginger seemed very keen to give me a lift to the nearest bus station and dropped me off without a backward glance. That's when I realised that my backpack was heavier than usual (Ginger dumped it in the car for me) and when I looked into it I found that Aunt Biscuit had packed a special present for me, her home-made tablet. That made me very happy! So, to the bus. Where shall I go this time?

Posted

Being an adventurous type of a bloke, I opted to try a sunnier clime than dear old Scotland, so I opted for Barbados. Rushing into a shop to kit myself out in the best in beach apparel,  I opted for green shorts, red vest, yellow bandanna, and upon being asked to settle up, I discovered I still possessed just 7 quid 14. The bill was 60 quid, and Mr Archie McDougall was not impressed.

Posted

He told me if I didn't get it all off straught awa' he'd have the polis onto me. 

I really loved my new outfit, I felt it expressed my true personality, so I was loath to comply. Thinking on my toes I ...

Posted (edited)

pulled out some Monopoly money,threw that at  Archie, and ran so very fast that by the time I got to my localTesco cafe, I was sweating and wanted nice syrupy hot tea. I ...

Edited by itsmeagain
Posted

found that it was shut due to a burst water main, and with Archie hot on my heels I ran back out of the cafe and the store and off down the street, at full pelt. Naturally, still being in Nether Bogside it started to rain at that moment, which cooled me down enough to catch my breath. I ducked under cover and decided to wait it out. I held my breath as Archie ran straight past me and let out a sigh of relief as he kept running down the road.  Just then ...............

Posted

How To Build Your Own Country; Raising Toads For Fun and Profit; Castration, the Pros and Cons; and The Wonderful World of Bitumen. As luck would have it, I was just passing 'Sorry, I'm Booked', a shop packed with ...

Posted (edited)

cheap retro copies of early Dickens, especially Sketches by Boz; Frederick Engels and his Anti Duhring; and the Benefits of using Kamikaze assaults on  chav youths by Bertie Seedling, and decided to call in and browse. My phone beeped and it was Bobert Gallstones, with his exhortation that I buy up his.....

Edited by itsmeagain
Posted

latest oeuvre. Still only having £7.14 this was impossible so his number was banned and I carried on browsing. I spotted a very rare (and signed) first edition of Fly Fishing by J R Harley and snapped it up for 29p. What a find! This is worth a fortune! Now how to get this beauty to the rare books auction in Wigtown as quickly and as cheaply as possible. As I was contemplating this ……….. 

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a bloke passing by on a ricksha, hailed me, 'sir, all rides free today. Where are you 🚶‍♂️ going..?..'

'Wigtown, rare books auction', I coughed, hoping to 

Edited by itsmeagain
Posted (edited)

disappear into the back of this ricksha for the nice long ride to Wigtown. "That'll be shinin' bright, pal" said the ricksha bloke "I could'nae pedal all the waye there supposin' mah life depend-it  oan it, cheery-bye" and off he pedalled with remakable swiftness. Curses I said (not what I really said but this is a family forum!) what will I do now? I'll bet that the fare on anything else is going to be £££££££££'s. And then it started to rain. "Oh, you might know" I thought. Suddenly I heard foosteps splashing down the street and thought that it might be Archie after me again but .......................

Edited by lunababymoonchild
Posted

blow me down if it wasn't the delectable Pythagoras! I stood rooted to the spot, jaw sagging in disbelief.

'Wh..wh..what ...how...who..??

'Stop standing there like some kind of demented morepork and come and give me a big ...

Posted (edited)

slice of the action', she declared, swivelling her hips like an extra in Strictly Go dancing, or something.  I said how damn glad I was to see her.'I can see no sign of that', she declared, looking...

Edited by itsmeagain
Posted

me up and down in a most suggestive manner.

'Later,' I said huskily, 'but for now, we need to get to Wigtown ASAP. Hail us a cab, sweetie, and I'll tell you all about it on the way.'

For once ...

Posted

she did as I requested, and booked a cab.

As we sailed methodically through the streets of London, I suddenly wondered who's about to pay the fare on arrival.

As I pondered this, the cab pulled up suddenly. 

 

'54 pounds 68 moit", he declared, as

Posted

loud guffaws from both of us.

'You've got to be joking mate! That was only a ten minute ride!'

'Proices 'ave gorn orp, pay orp or I'll 'ave the pollis onto ya! ' he glowered. (Not quite sure what that accent is exactly?? 🤭)

He wasn't banking on the formidable Pythagoras and her ...

Posted (edited)

equally formidable powers of persuasion. Within seconds, or so it seemed, we were on the look-out for the Wigtown Auction House. When we stopped a passer-by to ask ......................

Edited by lunababymoonchild
Dodgy typing
Posted

for Wigton , he said , 'now yer mean Wigan moit, daan ere we ain't no Wigton or anyfink  loik vat..' On we laboured,me with a small collection of books to sell, she with...

Posted

a pained look on her face due to ridiculously high stiletto heels and a skirt so tight she had to take little mincing steps. 

'STOP!' she suddenly demanded. 'This is ridiculous! Let me Google it on my phone!'

It turned out ...

Posted (edited)

that we were indeed in Wigtown and the Auction house was just round the corner. So off we went and when we got there it was shut. It didn't open until the following day which meant that we had to find suitable accommodations (by which I meant cheap!). Since we were in the book capital of the UK and they were having their annual festival of books this proved to be a lot more challenging than predicted. We didn't even have a car to sleep in! And there far too many police patrolling the area to settle down in a door-way. What to do? Then Pythagoras had an idea ...............

Edited by lunababymoonchild

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