poppy Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 ^ ^ 'Vat ist dis scammabuddy of vich you speak, Green Tie? He sounds foreign, vith zee funny accent? I love how you hast zee friends from all around zee world. Can I be your scammabuddy too?' Little did Green Tie know that Marie was far from being an oncology nurse. She had just said that in the hope of gaining his attention. In fact she was something quite different indeed.
itsmeagain Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Yet instead of us divulging what Marie was, dear reader, why not try to work it out. Marie proceeded to win green ties confidence, doing so by occasional kisses , mixed in with earnest entreaties that green tie and her ought to join forces in the scam business. One day while green tie sat on the toilet, she examined his diary.It told...
itsmeagain Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Yet instead of us divulging what Marie was, dear reader, why not try to work it out. Marie proceeded to win green tie's confidence, doing so by occasional kisses , mixed in with earnest entreaties that green tie and her ought to join forces in the scam business. One day while green tie sat on the toilet, she examined his diary.It told... Edited June 7, 2015 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 the most interesting story. In it Green Tie had given a detailed account of every dodgy transaction he'd ever been involved in whilst in Fiona's employ. A devious plan started to formulate in her fertile mind. If she and Green Tie were to .....
itsmeagain Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 becoming a scamming partnership, Marie could keep all her options open. Scamming the scammers would be a good thing, she thought. Meantime, about time she found out more about Upfillmypockets. "So, how do you know Upfillmypockets?", she asked.
poppy Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 'How do you know about Upfillmypockets??' demanded Green Tie suspiciously. 'Silly, you vere talking to him on ze speaker phone ze other day!' 'He's one of my building contractors for a multi rise project I've got on the go in Nigeria.' 'Vell vhy vere you saying somesing about screwing Fiona zen?'
itsmeagain Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 "Because, dear Marie, I have longed to do just that for.." Suddenly checking himself, his face blanched with fear, then went beetroot with shame and guilt. "What I mean is, she's an ex manager of mine, and I wish to get revenge on her for the way she treated me and a client. Quite disreputable overall Marie." Sure now in her plan, Marie declared "Softly softly catches bumpkin yees? Vee vill see what monkey gets,strung by ze balls now, ja?" and stormed from the hotel room, to plan. In London, Fiona's office phone rang. "Deeah lady, dis is,Laurence Upfillmypockets, scam expert..
poppy Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 extraordinaire, jus' checkin' in for latest of yo' instructions. Have you heard any news of our most esteem friend, Green Tie?' 'Don't go giving me 'most esteem friend'!!! If I get my hands on that son of a beep, I'll make sure there's not a single bit of steam left in him!' shouted Fiona, grinding her teeth at the same time, quite a difficult feat to achieve, I might add, but she'd made a fine art of it after years of practice. 'Well, I have sum news, dear lady, I have tracked him down to da island of Bananas and I intend to go there with much swiftness, if yo are approving of dis plan?' Fiona thought ....
itsmeagain Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 he was joking. "Island of bananas? Wheree is that?" "Da Bahamas, sorry if I sound bananas?". "Why would you go there to him?" "Da green tie, he wants to engage in some plan for dis scam. He say he have German girl involved too. I shall lure him back to UK to you." "Give me his number now Upfillmytrousers",said Fiona.
poppy Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 'Ha ha ha, yo English and yo little jokes! Upfillmytrousers!!!' and he rolled around the floor laughing. Fiona gave him a swift kick with her pointy shoe. This was really most unwise. Fiona had spent much of her life throwing her weight around and it was just about to backfire. She'd happened to make contact with an extremely sensitive portion of Upfillmypocket's anatomy and it caused him to completely revise his scamming plans.
itsmeagain Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 This was a difficult feat indeed poppy, as her shoe needed to reach several thousand miles to Lagos, where her kick to Upfillmypockets' nuts had made him seek..
poppy Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 (rofl. I'm getting so confused with this story ) Of course, , the kick was a purely metaphorical one, and wishful thinking, but Upfillmypockets was a sensitive wee soul and felt every last violent vibe as if he was experiencing it in person. The outcome was the same, Fiona was no longer ....
itsmeagain Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 in control of her senses as she warned Upfillmypockets about....
poppy Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 taking the mickey out of her. Upfillmypockets had had enough of her rudeness and total disregard of making any attempt to pronounce his name correctly. He determined to join forces with Green Tie and Marie in the Bahamas. He might even ask an old friend to join him.
itsmeagain Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Upfillmypockets duly flew to the Bahamas, and dialled a number. "Green tie sah, do me da honour of send me da taxi to get me to da lodging of you and da German.?" Green tie was mortified. Hurriedly he pulled on his.. Edited June 14, 2015 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 bright tartan Bermuda shorts. They clashed something horrible with his namesake green tie, which he liked to think of as his signature clothing item. Marie grimaced but refrained from commenting on his abysmal dress sense. That could come later, she decided, when she .....
itsmeagain Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) had finally shown that she was working for Scotland yard, that the German accent was assumed, and green tie was... Edited June 15, 2015 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 enjoying his last few days of freedom. Meanwhile, Upfillmypockets was quite oblivious to the danger lying ahead and was nonchalantly humming his favourite tune, 'Every time I Eat Vegetables It Makes Me Think Of You' by the Ramones. The net was closing and Fiona was ......
itsmeagain Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) worried sick about the future. Only days ago, her GP had asked her "Are you worried about the future?",and her answer was a resounding affirmative. Green tie's phone rang again."Sah, where is da taxi?" "I will drive down and collect you ", said green tie, " what is your height?" "Man, da tall Nigerian at de airport, is me"....@nd on that sombre note, he hung up. "Come and meet Upfillmypockets", declared Green tie to Marie. "He is a fine businessman." Green tie climbed into his Ford Escort, in custard yellow, and Marie joined him. Off they went, ... Edited June 15, 2015 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 a visual cacophony of custard yellow and verdigris green. It was some distance to the airport and to wile away the long wait, Upfillmypockets had availed himself of the alcoholic beverages in the airport lounge. He'd upfilledhisglass many times before Green Tie and Marie pulled into the airport carpark with a loud backfire and puff of ominously black smoke. When he saw them enter the lounge he waved excitedly and lurched to his feet unsuccessfully. 'Whoops,' he giggled, 'legs are always the first to go.'
itsmeagain Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 "Now I don't think it's him. I've never met him but a drunk he certainly isn't.", declared green tie, obsequiously. "Sah, I recognse your green tie", shouted Upfillmypockets. "What about him not being a drinker?", enquired Marie, obstreporously.
poppy Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 'Perhaps Fiona has driven him to drink, I shouldn't be at all surprised, she certainly had that effect on me,' and Green Tie's face gave a nervous twitch. 'Hey man, come to Upfillmypockets and give him big loves!' He lurched forward and threw his arms round Green Tie, knocking him to the ground. Marie squealed, rushed to his assistance, and tripped over Upfillmypockets feet. The airport security guards charged over to see what was going on.
itsmeagain Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 "Is ok sah, is just me da drunken Nigerian, causing da problem in da airspace port of da Banana islands. Dis friend, green tie, and his German lady, are da best scamma in UK. Me I come to aid dem in anudder scam.", declared Upfillmypockets, forthright and blotto at the same time. Security man demanded documents from all three. They all produced passports. "Lady, are your knees ok, do you require a doctor?" , asked Security man. "No I am fine", quaked Marie, fearful as the police approached. "Occupations please, starting with you Mr green tie", said Security man.
poppy Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Green Tie's twitch became more noticeable. He cleared his throat nervously and stammered out 'Property developer.' Marie looked equally as nervous as she quavered 'Oncologist.' Upfillmypockets burst into raucous guffaws, "Property developer!! Oncologist!! Truly you be the funniest crack-me-ups you two! Tell de nice mans what you really do, dey won't mind, we not in Kansas anymore, Toto,' and he laughed uproariously at his own joke. Strangely enough, the security officers and police didn't seem to be getting the joke and Upfillmypockets felt he needed to explain the situation further.
itsmeagain Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) "You police , see we three..we send email..well me an da green tie..send email to get people's cash..lucrative it is..I got a mansion wid it", said Upfillmypockets. "Proof of occupation , lady" said Police officer one. Marie produced a hospital official ID badge. "Property bwoy, job details?" snarled policeman 2. Green tie began sweating ever more profusely. "Err err we don't carry ID", he drawled, unconvincingly. "Proof of your scam?" Upfillmypockets got out a list of scams he had made cash from, laughing uproariously. Edited June 17, 2015 by itsmeagain
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