Continue the story.....

[poppy]

and loose false teeth that had a habit of falling out in the middle of dinner, usually into a bowl of soup. 

I was just settling into my la-z-boy, feet up, a steaming cup of tea by my right elbow and a packet of gingernuts by my left (after all, it fairly takes it out of me organising staff to do the work), when in burst Rosie followed by Debbie Snoezelem.

'Just having a quick rehydrate,' I gulped, as I tried to extricate myself from the la-z-boy. 'Finished now,' and I  made for the door.

'Johnny, let me introduce ...'

'JOHNNY!! REVOLTING!!' and Debbie ...

'

[itsmeagain]

rushed towards me, arms embracing me hard. 'Oh such memories..theatre, walks by the Thames, 🍄 mushroom vindaloo, late night..... ' 

I rushed out so fast that there was no time for any more proselytising, memories or made up....

[poppy]

sentimental twaddle of love's young dream. Unfortunately, Sushibutt, a large black and white cat, chose that particular moment to run straight in front of me, causing me to ...

[itsmeagain]

fall headlong into a gigantic cat bed , with Plums and Mimi scattering to the wind like confetti on a London February afternoon. 

'Hahahahaha..oh my God Johnny dariling', cried two women in unison, followed by a mad scramble to see if I was hurt by an exceptionally soft landing.

' So..how are you?', asked Debbie. ' Your dad in law is doing...

Edited June 13, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

as well as can be expected, given his unfortunate condition.'

'What do you mean by 'his unfortunate condition', may I ask, and where do you get off calling Johnny 'darling'?' asked Rosie indignantly.

'Hasn't Johnny told you about me? We were once a very hot item.' I vigorously shook my head behind Debbie's back and mouthed 'crazy stalker', with accompanying crossed eyes and cuckoo sign,' to Rosie.

'As far as the Major's concerned,' continued Debbie, ' I'm afraid he'll have to be ...

[itsmeagain]

in my care for several years, in particular so I stay in touch with my winky dinky super slinky Johnny here..what a great

[poppy]

piece of serendipity finding each other again like this. It must be meant to be!'

'I'll tell you what's meant to be, you little hussy,' shrieked Rosie, getting into Debbie's face. Well, not exactly her face really, Rosie was on the short side, it was more into Debbie's chest area. But Rosie, once riled, was a veritable little spitfire (think Bernadette from Big Bang Theory) and enough to make the burliest of males quake at the knees.

'You will have nothing further to do with either my father or my husband (a slight departure from the truth, but Debbie wasn't to know, and I intended to make an honest woman of her as soon as possible) Get out! If I ever see your despicable, conniving ...

[itsmeagain]

face , so help me I'll...'

'I shall only let Johnny decide..Johnny do inform your wife of how we met..and nothing ever happened..in fact Johnny asked me..over dumpling curry with radishes..if I want a relationship..I laughed soo much I cried..am just..'

'Rosie..we met when Debbie was at a university convention..I was doing mental health, she general...we laughed so much that I went for dinner. ...she laughed at me so I dropped it..and now give her a chance to care for daddy...'

[PS .Bernadette is amazing poppy and my OH accused me of having  designs on her years ago. 😃 😀 😄 )

[poppy]

'So she can be near her 'winky dinky super slinky Johnny'? I DON'T THINK SO! OUT ... NOW!'

And there was no brooking Rosie in her present mood. All for the best really, I didn't fancy having food snorted all over me again. I never did get the curry stains out of my favourite dicky.

'Darling, you called me your husband. When are you going to ...

 

(Bernadette is wonderful,(love how she can shout just like Howard's mother 😂) as are all the characters. Such a well written and hilarious series. We've been watching it right from the start again. Hope to watch Young Sheldon again soon, it is just as good.)

[itsmeagain]

propose..oh Johnny you're so ...mysterious..mildly contrary..oh Johnny..'

A difficult silence was avoided by the insistent trrreinnnng of the landline. 

'Hi . I am Miriam Coveryourback, manager at Wash em and Leave em nursing of Haringey?', she said, the unnecessary upward inflection producing a ludicrous, unanswerable question.

'OK...'

'Yeah hi..errr my head nurse Ms Deborah Snoezelem is in tears right now because of an assault by a ..Mrs... Horrible I think..Rose Horrible..? Any...

Edited June 16, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

explanation for this unfortunate behavior?  We don't usually tolerate any bullying of our staff? We have rules and regulations, you know? We expect to be ...'

'Let me put you in the picture,' I interrupted, before she could ask any more questions. 'Ms Snoezelem and I once went on a date. To cut a long story short... it didn't work out, she started stalking me, I moved counties, she's now found me again and is referring to me as her winky dinky super slinky Johnny. You can understand my wife's ...

[itsmeagain]

chagrin, can you not, after all it's not exactly....

[poppy]

what you'd expect from a so-called professional. We were going to let the matter rest, but since you've seen fit to contact us, my wife and I would now like to lay a complaint about Ms Snoezelem's inappropriate behavior.'

'Mr Horrible? Repulsive? Disgusting? I can't remember your name?'

'A further example of your business's abysmal incompetence,' I said.

'We're not used to .. err ..dealing with ..err ..complaints? We'll ..err ..

[itsmeagain]

..attempt to put right the wrongs..but..and I mean it..Debbie Snoezelem is here to stay

Here to fight

Community nursing

She does it right

Here to stay 

Here to fight 

Community nursing

She does it right..'

A cacophony of squeaky voices joined in at her end, clapping and chanting.. I imagined clenched fists and unfurled banners and I thought how funny that a bunch of High Street communists like these nurses, can attend to a bizarre unhinged Tory twerp like ' daddy.'

'Mr Ridiculous..?..hiya yes Debz is going right now to see your father..jolly good day..you're not freeing yourself of our Debz..'

, and at that, 

[poppy]

she hung up.

Next minute, who should walk in ...but Daddy!

'Family!' he cried, 'I have news, wonderful news! I was sitting in me basement, having forty winks and Mrs Twiddlepass was doing a bit of light dusting. Knocked me favourite Toby Jug clean off the shelf, clumsy old bat, she'll have to go, it sconed me fair on the swede! But omnis nubes habet argentum oblinit, and all that, the amazing thing is ...

[itsmeagain]

the most delectable piece of errrr..crumpet..I mean a nurse...came to see me and it turned out she also dresses the wounds of Peter Twiddlepass, wife of my ahem...domestic.. errrr assistant..now this nurse she's called Deborah Snoozeship and she is very adept in cookery...wounds...passing the time singing knees up Mother Brown...spiffing girlie, Rosie she'll be a hearty friend to you my rejuvenating  love of a daughter..I invited...

Edited June 21, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

her to a soirée at Villa de Flowers and I want you both to join us. I see exciting times ahead for Ms Snoozlebum and me, and I'd like you to meet her. I've got a whole new lease on life since that Toby Jug walloped me on the noggin!'

'I'm afraid, Daddy, that ...

[itsmeagain]

we already met and we..I...he..she..we don't see eye....to eye..'

'Rosie dear..sorted.. you plus your beautiful.. Johnny here..and also present will be Marcus Out, CEO of Robemandahousem estate agents, Diplodocus Dave from arts collective Arty Fart enterprise...

Edited June 23, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

'Daddy,' Rosie interrupted, 'you're rambling again. I have absolutely no idea what you're on about. Suffice it to say, we want nothing further to do with the Snoozletramp woman so don't expect us to visit until you've given her the heave-ho. And that's final!'

'Rosie baby, you leave me with ...

[itsmeagain]

no option but to absolutely insist on your presence and I will not...

[poppy]

take no for an answer!'

'Or what?' asked Rosie.

'Well you know that ...

[itsmeagain]

I..Major Ron...ground control to Major Ron

Ground control to Major Ron...

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on...I and I only, funded this here cat parlour and if ever you upset me Roz then I will pull the plug. ' 

And at that, he marched out, an odour of sweat and aftershave lingering long into the night.

'I wanted..  .

 

[poppy]

to give you a surprise when the time was right. But I think now might be a good time. I have the readies to buy your ... your ... (I paused to modify my adjective) your INFERNAL father out.'

'But darling, how? when? what?' gasped Rosie.

'Well, you remember I had some first edition books? Turns out a signed Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone book is quite ahumm... valuable.'

'Like how much valuable?'

[itsmeagain]

'According to missive from Spinebender and Bookmite , antiquarian dealers of Kent, 123, 555.65 exactly. If we can ring Mr Bookmite...'

Immediately Rosie went to  the phone..

' Hello may I chat to Jimmy Bookmite? It's about the Harry Potter book that my betrothed spied in the loft..I wanna sell it...

Edited June 29, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

and would like a valuation, please.'

'Well, m'dear, Harry Potter books are a dime a dozen. What makes you think the one in your possession is valuable at all?' asked Mr Bookmite, a tiny bespectacled gentleman whose name seemed very apt.

'It's a signed first edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.'

'Golly gosh, upon my word! What sort of condition?' he squeaked excitedly.

'Pristine,' I called out.

'Bring it in now! I'll ...