lunababymoonchild Posted July 19, 2023 Share Posted July 19, 2023 harmony but failed miserably. Meanwhile ......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 the Missus, having recovered from her unfortunate close encounter of the comestible kind, was going on a shopping spree to soothe her shattered composure. This had a detrimental effect on my ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 bank balance, as she was holding my card, for reasons that would be contrary to polite society to look into.🤪 So much so that I, in trying to board my train to Milwaukee, was told 'no way, as this ticket is being declined sir. Didn't you know you had no money when you bought the ticket?' The speaker was a small rotund female, spectacles on, aged 57. I said , 'I dunno what you're on about , you see, I paid the man good quality cash, 75 bucks tain to Milwaukee.' 'The tickets were bought with dud money, chhhhhhh..hiutre..over', came the staccato voice from the end of Mrs Goerings radio .'False cash, false notes..do you think we're idiots?', she asked rhetorically, given the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 (edited) I decided to walk away, you can't argue with women! However, with no money how was I to get to Milwaukee, or anywhere else for that matter? Just as I was musing upon this ………….. Edited July 21, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 21, 2023 Author Share Posted July 21, 2023 (edited) , I managed to avoid Mrs Goering, and I took my seat to Milwaukee, happy about the coincidence of having no money apart from Monopoly cash, and my wife ransacking my account and having my card notwithstanding, I was overjoyed to be here on a train to Milwaukee. I determined to avoid eye contact on this train, since now I was a fugitive, and to this end I rustled through my rucksack , searching for my sunglasses. Wretchedly, these were at the bottom of my bag, no case around them, one lens loose. I pushed them on , added a fake tache to my physiognomy, and settled back to read Jeffrey Archer, Collected Short stories. I was just reading one about the auction of a grandfather clock, when a voice.... Edited July 21, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 whispered in my left ear, 'I think it's so sexy seeing a man reading on a train, especially one in sunglasses and wearing such a magnificent moustache. Would you like to join me later for a little tete-a-tete?' Unfortunately I'm deaf in that ear and didn't hear a thing. The lady seemed rather ... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 21, 2023 Author Share Posted July 21, 2023 less thann pleased, and, muttering about 'playing hard to get', she said 'wait here my man', went down to her carriage, and came back with a highly lavender scented letter, encased in red silk, with gold plated lettering. 'For you, my humbling, probably bloody humiliating, attempt at getting a good , ahem, l... errr , time tonight', and at that she 'disappeared', little realising that, among my array of gifts, lay a marked propensity for knowing when someone is still watching from a vantage point [in her case, peering at me through a chunk in the toilet wall.] I eagerly opened the letter, to find reams of perfumed paper, embossed.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 with a family crest, watermarked and clearly very, very expensive. Hmmm, I thought, as I enjoyed the feel of the expensive paper in my hands, what is this all about? Just as I settled down to read the copper-plate handwriting ................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 21, 2023 Author Share Posted July 21, 2023 (edited) Madame la Seducer ( for it was she), emerged from the toilet, quite naked aside from a bath towel slung diagonally across one shoulder. 'My name is Peewee', she said, and I run a business, got my own home and car...sounds good?..It is good, so....' Suddenly Mrs Delilah Trumpton, denizen of Birmingham , Alabama, 76 in years, saw the naked left breathing of Peewee entering my mouth, the succulent strawberry causing havoc with my blood pressure. 'Holy deliverance', cried Delilah, 'I never....My Edited July 22, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 goodness gracious me! I do declare! and ... heavens to Betsy!... these damn Yankees! They'll be the death of me!' At which she fell down stone dead. This rather put the dampener on any further shenanigans and the arrival of the police, who happened to be on the train following the trail of a notorious black pearl thief, and the consequent arrest of Madame Peewee la Seducer for indecent exposure, saved me from a ... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 22, 2023 Author Share Posted July 22, 2023 frightening police encounter. However, I was in real danger here, as, not only was I a fare dodger, had run away from Mrs Goering, and had been involved in shenanigans with Peewee, but I also had only 25 dollars in my pocket, with an additional 785 dollars Monopoly money. Pulling my fake moustache more firmly on to my face, I pulled my one lens sunspecs firmly on , and recommenced my reading. Fancy anyone wanting to suck breasts on a train when Jeffrey Archer short stories ate available, I mused,when the two aren't comparable. One gets you into trouble, the other is fun and engaging. Engrossed thus, my mind.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 completely focused on Archer's 'The Perfect Murder', and trying to read with one eye shut owing to my broken sunglasses, I didn't notice the ticket collector entering the carriage. 'Thicketh pleeth' he called, due to a pronounced lisp caused by ill-fitting dentures. Pretending not to hear, I ... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hux Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 shot myself. The end. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 In the meantime, the ill-fitting dentures seemed to affect the ticket-collector's eye-sight and he passed me by without a second look. After he was gone, I resumed reading and carried on with my journey, which passed uneventfully until I arrived and …….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 22, 2023 Author Share Posted July 22, 2023 (edited) disembarked at Milwaukee. At the ticket barrier. I actually went down on all fours, and made barking noises while shuffling through the exit. Sunglasses, one lens, velcro Groucho tache, I cut a fine figure as I Edited July 22, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 growled and bared my teeth. A slight frothing of the mouth added to the deranged look and caused onlookers to fear I was rabid. There was a rapid parting of the ways allowing me to ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 23, 2023 Author Share Posted July 23, 2023 (edited) stroll swiftly through the Milwaukee station, down the street, where I was soon happily occupied in a bookshop cafe, reading Jeffrey Archer while sipping hot tea. I began getting strange looks from other tea sippers, and I suddenly realised my funny specs.... Edited July 23, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 were attracting attention so I took them off and put them away. I contined to read my book and sip my tea until …….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 23, 2023 Author Share Posted July 23, 2023 five pm. By that time I had read 13 stories, browsed my phone , and written a letter to the local paper. All in all, I was having a particularly good time. 👍 On my travels, I spotted the Milwaukee Daily Herald, which headlined with 'Delilah Trumpton train death:man sought.' A flood of sweat streamed down my face and neck immediately, my immediate thought... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 was that I was now a Wanted Man! It was time to hightail it out of Milwaukee and seek safer climes. I ripped off my distinctive moustache with a high-pitched scream of pain, causing onlookers to gasp and clutch their chests in the general region of their hearts. Anatomy wasn't the strong point of several, it seemed, who could be seen grabbing at their right hand sides. I'd hoped to surreptitiously change my appearance by ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 buying an alternative, 2nd lens, or trimming the Groucho. As it happened, though, I spotted a barber's shop named 'Hair today, gone tomorrow ', and in the window lay a poster with 'add colour and change your life. Talk to Rico today...', with a rainbow coloured pair of scissors with a smile plus a Groucho moustache. Captivated, I strolled in.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 and told Rico to do his worst. Unfortunately, Rico took me at my word and I ended up with a bowl cut at the front, the rest completely shaved save a rainbow coloured pigtail at the back. He said it was his trademark. Paying with my monopoly money, I ran out of there as fast as I could and shot down a dingy side alley. I consoled myself with the fact ... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 that a punk rock revival festival, scheduled for tomorrow, would provide a safe space for me. Also, the fact that I used Monopoly money and legged it, gave me a few hearty chuckles as I walked in a local park. 'Hahahahaha', 😃 laughing and pointing, came the comment from local youths passing by, while an old man nudged his wife and tutted.' At his age', she said, and laughed. I went into a cafe in the park, where, sat with a pot of tea, I read a book. My lentil pie with croutons and mashed sweet potato...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 went some way towards restoring my equilibrium and a free refill pot of tea cheered me up no end. I decided the acquisition of a hat might be ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 (edited) requisite for my continuing travels, and so I visited Millie' s Millinery, a hat shop on Deportment Street, Milwaukee. 'Is Millie in?', I asked the jaded looking youth manning the store. 'Who she..?..',he asked, his drawl making me picture him as Burt Reynolds in a gangster movie, a cigarette hanging from his mouth( though this lad didn't have a fag.) So dreamy was my demeanour that I didn't hear him say 'May aah help y'@ll.?', at least not the 1st time. I... Edited July 25, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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