lunababymoonchild Posted June 27, 2023 Share Posted June 27, 2023 a ceiling fan so therefore I must be going. Thanks very much for all your help, I'll see you later. I then skedaddled out of there just as fast as my legs would carry me and ended up .............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted June 27, 2023 Author Share Posted June 27, 2023 (edited) up in the local boozer, a rum joint named Mullarkey's. I was sat supping, as you do, when a sudden thought shook me. I was missing Coronation street and so on I pulled my... Edited June 27, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 (edited) thigh waders and unfurled my trusty brolly (it was bucketing down) and sashayed into the night. Another thought assailed me, I didn't usually ... Edited June 28, 2023 by poppy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 watch Coronation Street so decided to sashay in my new perfectly fitting and glamorous thigh waders and matching brolly (high end cotoure as everyone can see) in the pouring rain for as long as possible so that the general public could admire my fashion sense (not to mention my exquisite sashaying), when ........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 who should turn up in a flurry of flashing blue lights and a cacophony of dee-dahs, but Sergeant Bonkers, accompanied by the rather sinister looking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted June 28, 2023 Author Share Posted June 28, 2023 constable Getunder, a portly, laconic, demanding bloke, name of Phil. He said 'so, it's you again, mister. All I can say is stop this and go home or we will confiscate each and.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 every one of those jars holding those bizarrely rainbow painted snails'. He leaned in, glaring at the jars. Unfortunately, n his haste to intimidate he managed to..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggle not Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 (edited) Knock over one of the jars, and behold, the jars contents spread out and turned into an optical illusion. Everyone could see the curved lines except Constable Getunder and he accused everyone of....... Edited June 28, 2023 by muggle not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Posted June 30, 2023 Share Posted June 30, 2023 optical fraud, and threatened to arrest everyone in the vicinity. Things were only calmed when.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted June 30, 2023 Share Posted June 30, 2023 the highly trained circus snails climbed hastily(or as hasty as it's possible for an athletically fit snail to climb) back into their jar, whereupon they immediately... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted June 30, 2023 Share Posted June 30, 2023 reproduced, as is their wont. As a result, new jars were needed PDQ so ……….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted June 30, 2023 Author Share Posted June 30, 2023 (edited) I rang Augustus Slimeline, the local septuagenarian expert on snail migration in 19th century Philippines,and requested 48 glass jars with a cat bell on each pink lid, to be delivered immediately. Slimeline, smoking a foot long opium cheroot, sounded Edited June 30, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 1, 2023 Share Posted July 1, 2023 as if his vocal chords had been attacked by a particularly rusty angle grinder. Years of indulging in foot long opium cheroots was not exactly conducive to ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 1, 2023 Author Share Posted July 1, 2023 dulcet tones. 'You looking mid range or top whack?', he croaked, making me wonder if he was North East England, due to the way he said 'raaahnge', a la Alan Shearer in a particularly forthright mode. Now, given that I had fourteen pounds forty one to last me 18 days, owed a grand in rent, had a girlfriend demanding maintenance money for a kid who ain't mine, and am living on soup and bread,I said 'lower end , Mr Slimeline, you see..' ''Hey the naahmes's Slimline, not Slimeline..are you trying be funny maate?', he asked, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 2, 2023 Share Posted July 2, 2023 “Not in the slightest” I replied “clearly I've been misinformed, my apologies for any offence caused. Now, as to the jars, that would be the most economically priced that you have, please” Mr Slimline looked confused, perplexed and puzzled. Stroking his stubbled chin (I could hear the scraping sound that made clearly) as he looked at me he …………. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 2, 2023 Author Share Posted July 2, 2023 said, 'well now, feller, ya 'an have for'y glass jars for eight pound. How d'ya like that?' He then offered to bring them round to my flat (which is at 45 Silk Rd,) causing panic in me. I gave him a false address. Needing to think quickly, I said 'come to 19 Binswill Rd, and ask for Jimmy. He's got the brass.' I then hung up. Next....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 thing you know, Jimmy's on the phone demanding to know who the nutter is that's just dropped forty bleedin' jars playing jingle bells on his doorstep with a bill attached for twenty nicker! He said ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 (edited) that if I didn't come up with the twenty nicker (whatever that is!) PDQ (is that something one puts in a text message?) he would have to come over and give me a full scale mollicating - and I knew full well what that was. Since he was clearly upset and very threatening, and I certainly didn't want a mollicating, full scale or otherwise, I decided to ............. Edited July 3, 2023 by lunababymoonchild dodgy typing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 3, 2023 Author Share Posted July 3, 2023 disappear, so I boarded the 09:54 coach to London, David Bowie's a new life in a new town, being my inspiration I boarded, and the bearded gentleman driving asked for forty quid.. Taken aback, I played for time. 'Errr, I've seven pound sixty three I think, here, the rest is in my rucker', I declared, not noticing the mouse like features of an unkempt black haired oaf down the bus aisle, eyeing said rucksack. 'I want payment in full , mush', said the driver, .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 otherwise you can 'op it!' Not being very good at 'opping, on account of me dodgy knee, and not liking the look of ol' mouse features, who on further inspection more closely resembled a mangy ferret, I decided hitching was a better option. Grabbing me rucksack, I hit the road and stuck out my thumb, only to get ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 4, 2023 Share Posted July 4, 2023 (edited) soaked to the skin by drivers who thought that it was really funny to drive through the puddles and create arcs of water that hit me with force. Just as well I had me thigh waders on or I'd have drowned. Clearly, since they were all enjoying themselves too much to stop, I decided to ……… Edited July 4, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 4, 2023 Author Share Posted July 4, 2023 (edited) go along with the joke. Full of humour, I lay down in a filthy, freezing puddle, wailing with joy as dirty rain suds washed over me. I ....... Edited July 4, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 would've probly splashed round innit all day I was 'avin such a lark but blow me down if Sergeant Bonkers and Constable Getunder didn't arrive on the scene! 'Allo, allo, allo, what 'ave we 'ere? You again!' That ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 fair put the kaibosh on every little thing. As a result I ………. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted July 5, 2023 Author Share Posted July 5, 2023 (edited) legged it nimbly across the lawn of a medical centre, upon entry there I wailed, 'Christ Jesus , help me...' and Martis Bumm, 28, replied, 'I am here, dear child..'. I kind of took offence at being described in any way as a child, and, because where I live, such a slight deserves a slap, I tried to slice..... Edited July 5, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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