Continue the story.....

[itsmeagain]

a consultant...Dr Pillvendor is OK...only problem is , he's HIS drinking buddy from decades ago..when I was young they used to spend hours playing rummy and solitaire, while I played in our garden.....I wonder if Dr Diaz -Epam is available..? I'll ring the .....'

I had already set the ball rolling and within 3 hours, Dr Phil Mypockets, 39, a consultant from Handwich, rolled up, determined....

[poppy]

to screw us for as much as possible. Still, the Major could pay and it'd be worth any price to get rid of the old pestilence.

'Major, I'll just have a little chat with your family first. You stay here in your pris ... err, nice safe room, and we'll be back in a jiffy.'

'Whatdaya mean, chat with me family. That scoundrel there's no family!' he shouted, pointing at me. 'He's out to fleece me, corrupt me daughter, dump rabid cats on me. Don't believe a word he says!'

'Now, Reginald, calm yourself, 'said Mrs Twiddlepass, 'we don't want you having a stroke now, do we. I'll make you a nice cup of tea and you can have a slice of my Dundee cake.'

We followed Dr Phil upstairs.

[itsmeagain]

'I am Dr Philip Mypockets..and before you state the obvious..hahaha bloody ha....no I am not just after money for myself..it's for my wife and kids too..my dog..my cats..every..'

'Dr , is daddy well?', asked Rosie, 'only he's behaving in a rather odd manner...'

Edited June 5, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

'Absolutely bonkers, gone doolally, blown a gasket ... if you ask me,' I said, 'needs locking up. For everyone's safety! Wandering round with a loaded shotgun! I ask you!'

'No-one was asking you, dear, let the Doctor speak.'

'Well, I myself personally feel,' opined the good Doctor, 'that at this point in time, things being as they are and taking all contingencies into account, that the best and most appropriate course of action, keeping at the foremost of our consideration ...

 

[itsmeagain]

, au naturelle, as it were, or would be in la France...the well-being and health of the aforementioned Major, plus the rights I perceive as belonging to the most esteemed, most learned, most excellently accomplished, daughter of the Major..I am going to phone nurse Snoezelem, a relaxation specialist at Guys..she'll ensure...'

A shock of alarm went through me..Debbie Snoezelem was a nurse I once went to theatre with to see a play. I professed a romantic interest , over mushroom Madras in Ahmed's cafe, Brixton. She laughed so....

Edited June 6, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

hard, she snorted curry everywhere, causing patrons to hurriedly leave and the management to evict us. I couldn't see myself continuing a relationship with someone who randomly snorted food with abandon, so I broke it off. Debbie couldn't accept my rejection (understandable, I'm a pretty amazing catch) and stalked me for months. I finally moved away, with no forwarding address, to avoid her. Don't tell me ...

[itsmeagain]

she's coming to see him. I just

[poppy]

thought I was safe. However, there was no reason for me to be involved in the Major's barmy treatment. Unfortunately, Rosie had other ideas.

'Darling, I really feel we need to support Daddy at this difficult time, I'm sure he'll feel better if we're there beside him, holding his hand, calming his fears.'

Quite apart from anything else, I had no intention of holding the old pestilence's hand.

'You go dear, someone has to keep the cafe running and the moggies litter boxes are overdue for a clean. You know how I love to keep my nose to the grindstone, I'm not one to be sitting around.'

Rosie gave me a long look, but ...

[itsmeagain]

in the end, agreed affably. She will meet nurse Snoezelem, and I'll attend to the kitties. We, no doubt will, ahem, appreciate nurse's  input, and ensure daddy doesn't say...

[poppy]

anything that incriminates me or some ridiculous conspiracy that I'm just after his money. I'm just hoping they see him for what he really is, a ...

[itsmeagain]

man of no moral compass, loads of dosh, fake principles, a sweat soaked brow, fetid breath....

[poppy]

and loose false teeth that had a habit of falling out in the middle of dinner, usually into a bowl of soup. 

I was just settling into my la-z-boy, feet up, a steaming cup of tea by my right elbow and a packet of gingernuts by my left (after all, it fairly takes it out of me organising staff to do the work), when in burst Rosie followed by Debbie Snoezelem.

'Just having a quick rehydrate,' I gulped, as I tried to extricate myself from the la-z-boy. 'Finished now,' and I  made for the door.

'Johnny, let me introduce ...'

'JOHNNY!! REVOLTING!!' and Debbie ...

'

[itsmeagain]

rushed towards me, arms embracing me hard. 'Oh such memories..theatre, walks by the Thames, 🍄 mushroom vindaloo, late night..... ' 

I rushed out so fast that there was no time for any more proselytising, memories or made up....

[poppy]

sentimental twaddle of love's young dream. Unfortunately, Sushibutt, a large black and white cat, chose that particular moment to run straight in front of me, causing me to ...

[itsmeagain]

fall headlong into a gigantic cat bed , with Plums and Mimi scattering to the wind like confetti on a London February afternoon. 

'Hahahahaha..oh my God Johnny dariling', cried two women in unison, followed by a mad scramble to see if I was hurt by an exceptionally soft landing.

' So..how are you?', asked Debbie. ' Your dad in law is doing...

Edited June 13, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

as well as can be expected, given his unfortunate condition.'

'What do you mean by 'his unfortunate condition', may I ask, and where do you get off calling Johnny 'darling'?' asked Rosie indignantly.

'Hasn't Johnny told you about me? We were once a very hot item.' I vigorously shook my head behind Debbie's back and mouthed 'crazy stalker', with accompanying crossed eyes and cuckoo sign,' to Rosie.

'As far as the Major's concerned,' continued Debbie, ' I'm afraid he'll have to be ...

[itsmeagain]

in my care for several years, in particular so I stay in touch with my winky dinky super slinky Johnny here..what a great

[poppy]

piece of serendipity finding each other again like this. It must be meant to be!'

'I'll tell you what's meant to be, you little hussy,' shrieked Rosie, getting into Debbie's face. Well, not exactly her face really, Rosie was on the short side, it was more into Debbie's chest area. But Rosie, once riled, was a veritable little spitfire (think Bernadette from Big Bang Theory) and enough to make the burliest of males quake at the knees.

'You will have nothing further to do with either my father or my husband (a slight departure from the truth, but Debbie wasn't to know, and I intended to make an honest woman of her as soon as possible) Get out! If I ever see your despicable, conniving ...

[itsmeagain]

face , so help me I'll...'

'I shall only let Johnny decide..Johnny do inform your wife of how we met..and nothing ever happened..in fact Johnny asked me..over dumpling curry with radishes..if I want a relationship..I laughed soo much I cried..am just..'

'Rosie..we met when Debbie was at a university convention..I was doing mental health, she general...we laughed so much that I went for dinner. ...she laughed at me so I dropped it..and now give her a chance to care for daddy...'

[PS .Bernadette is amazing poppy and my OH accused me of having  designs on her years ago. 😃 😀 😄 )

[poppy]

'So she can be near her 'winky dinky super slinky Johnny'? I DON'T THINK SO! OUT ... NOW!'

And there was no brooking Rosie in her present mood. All for the best really, I didn't fancy having food snorted all over me again. I never did get the curry stains out of my favourite dicky.

'Darling, you called me your husband. When are you going to ...

 

(Bernadette is wonderful,(love how she can shout just like Howard's mother 😂) as are all the characters. Such a well written and hilarious series. We've been watching it right from the start again. Hope to watch Young Sheldon again soon, it is just as good.)

[itsmeagain]

propose..oh Johnny you're so ...mysterious..mildly contrary..oh Johnny..'

A difficult silence was avoided by the insistent trrreinnnng of the landline. 

'Hi . I am Miriam Coveryourback, manager at Wash em and Leave em nursing of Haringey?', she said, the unnecessary upward inflection producing a ludicrous, unanswerable question.

'OK...'

'Yeah hi..errr my head nurse Ms Deborah Snoezelem is in tears right now because of an assault by a ..Mrs... Horrible I think..Rose Horrible..? Any...

Edited June 16, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

explanation for this unfortunate behavior?  We don't usually tolerate any bullying of our staff? We have rules and regulations, you know? We expect to be ...'

'Let me put you in the picture,' I interrupted, before she could ask any more questions. 'Ms Snoezelem and I once went on a date. To cut a long story short... it didn't work out, she started stalking me, I moved counties, she's now found me again and is referring to me as her winky dinky super slinky Johnny. You can understand my wife's ...

[itsmeagain]

chagrin, can you not, after all it's not exactly....

[poppy]

what you'd expect from a so-called professional. We were going to let the matter rest, but since you've seen fit to contact us, my wife and I would now like to lay a complaint about Ms Snoezelem's inappropriate behavior.'

'Mr Horrible? Repulsive? Disgusting? I can't remember your name?'

'A further example of your business's abysmal incompetence,' I said.

'We're not used to .. err ..dealing with ..err ..complaints? We'll ..err ..

[itsmeagain]

..attempt to put right the wrongs..but..and I mean it..Debbie Snoezelem is here to stay

Here to fight

Community nursing

She does it right

Here to stay 

Here to fight 

Community nursing

She does it right..'

A cacophony of squeaky voices joined in at her end, clapping and chanting.. I imagined clenched fists and unfurled banners and I thought how funny that a bunch of High Street communists like these nurses, can attend to a bizarre unhinged Tory twerp like ' daddy.'

'Mr Ridiculous..?..hiya yes Debz is going right now to see your father..jolly good day..you're not freeing yourself of our Debz..'

, and at that,