itsmeagain Posted September 16, 2023 Author Share Posted September 16, 2023 stole cash to buy fags from a decrepit corner shop run by Mr and Mrs Matzarehvitz in Soihull, in 1986, the circumstances are uncertain but apparently she owed money to the electricity board, the TV licence thingy, the local Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 17, 2023 Share Posted September 17, 2023 hostelry, 'Percy's Pickled Gherkin,' and 'Wilberforce's Wine Bar.' Although there was little demand for typewriter expertise these days, these savings allowed her to keep paying rent and she occupied a little flat on Cheapside Row. Zelda didn't answer the phone but we decided to ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 17, 2023 Share Posted September 17, 2023 look up her location since her phone was found to be on and she was in Wigtown itself! What luck, we thought. Pythagoras, being a multi-talented lady, brought up the directions to Zelda's location on her phone and we proceeded to walk there as it said it wasn't far. Just as we were looking around for Zelda (and I was convinced that Zelda had a burner phone which may well have been on but was currently in the bin by the side of the road) .................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 17, 2023 Author Share Posted September 17, 2023 a Hobbit like elderly gent with straggly hair and a Golem like sheen of sweat soaking his face, dressed in a yellow jacket, green muffler, sun spectacles,plus 4s, and beach sandals, arrived at... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 18, 2023 Share Posted September 18, 2023 the petrol station across the road. I was barely aware of this at the time since we were both more interested in finding Zelda. Where could she be? The phone said that she was here but she was nowhere to be seen. "This is ridiculous!" I spat at the very lovely Pythagoras "You must have gotten something wrong". Pythagoras, meantime, was too busy puzzling over her phone to notice me or anything else. Just then ..................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 18, 2023 Share Posted September 18, 2023 the incongruously attired Hobbit furtively sidled up to us. 'I hear you'd be looking for Zelda,' he hissed out the side of his mouth, all the while looking around. 'How did YOU know we're looking for Zelda??' I demanded. 'Shhhhh..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 18, 2023 Author Share Posted September 18, 2023 (edited) ..she..is...my ..wife', he hissed, like Golem eulogising about 'my preshuss' . ..'what's more, is..she ain't up for grabs..', then he suddenly launched into song.. 'My baby don't care for no other man, no My baby just cares for only I...', went the lyrics as he eyed me with disdain.'Don't worry', I whispered, in a cat hissy type of way, 'this is her sister Pythagoras'..'and he is mine, not hers', said Pythagoras, looking to.. Edited September 18, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 19, 2023 Share Posted September 19, 2023 me. "My sister has never been married!" shouted Pythagoras "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER!!!!!" she screamed. At this a crowd miraculously appeared, crowding round and preventing the Golem-like, loudly dressed, hobbit-thing from escaping. "The police have been called" a voice called out and as we waited ................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 19, 2023 Author Share Posted September 19, 2023 , a man dressed in a grey suit, brought lukewarm coffee to be sipped by all present. I was getting restless when the police arrived. Pythagoras...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 was getting more and more worked up. I felt she was overreacting a bit. After all her sister didn't sound much to write home about, what with the light fingeredness and all the bills she'd run up. She wasn't going to be much use to us. Not that I did much writing home, 'She Who Must Be Obeyed ' was always blathering on about it. But as I always said ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 20, 2023 Author Share Posted September 20, 2023 what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Suddenly curious, I asked Golem for his name. 'Oh, wanting to get personal?', he said, a benign grin on his leery, sweaty, lairy physiognomy. 'I only want... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 (edited) to pass the time" I replied "while the police sort this mess out." We are never going to find somewhere to stay the night at this rate I thought. Then ....................... Edited September 21, 2023 by lunababymoonchild Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 21, 2023 Author Share Posted September 21, 2023 the police arrived, a burly ginger bloke with a beard, leapt from the police car, and asked what's what, who's causing bother, etc. I... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 (edited) told him that he'd better ask the missus, pointing at Pythagoras. 'I'm not your missus!' she screamed, 'and my sister isn't that ...that... midget mini-me thing over there's missus!' 'Now now, calm down Mrs. Whose missus are you again, exactly?' asked the confused cop. Pythagoras started ... Edited September 21, 2023 by poppy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 21, 2023 Author Share Posted September 21, 2023 (edited) to wail, deep, anguished, sobs, which rent the air with their pleading tone. 'I'm PC Broderick' , declared PC Broderick, 44, from Wandsworth. 'I wanna know who this man is', he said, pointing at Golem. 'I ..am Martinus Pubicus, heir of Donny Pubicus, Edited September 21, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 Owner of International Pornish Publications and other international publishing titles. I was sent to scout out Zelda, sister of the absolutely stunningly lovely Pythagoras with a view to her (Zelda, that is) possible employment. However, we have thus far failed to find Zelda and, perceiving that that pair,' here he indicated myself and the lovely Pythagoras, 'could be after the same thing, I told them that me and Zelda were married to stake a prior claim, as it were. It's all been a terrible mistake, officer.' Then he put on his best puppy eyes, which failed miserably since he was so ugly. 'You CANNOT be serious' exploded Pythagoras and the officer was clearly more prepared than I was since he actually managed to stop her doing whatever murderous thing she was intent on doing, always a very bad idea. Police training, I suppose. Then it started to rain. I sighed and ..................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 22, 2023 Author Share Posted September 22, 2023 turned to.my phone, which I hadn't switched on in 6 hours. A series of messages from Clothilde, threatening divorce. Pythagoras' eyes beamed at the prospect..all 7 quid 14 of me...being hers and hers only, after all.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 23, 2023 Share Posted September 23, 2023 I was love's young dream and all that guff. My amazing personality made up for any temporary lack of funds. I was mentally listing my many talents and multitudinous attractions and going off in a dream about a future life with the delectable Pythie, where she sat at my feet, whilst gazing adoringly into my eyes, when ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 23, 2023 Author Share Posted September 23, 2023 (edited) PC Broderick, having received information on Martinus', ahem, less than exemplary past , declared, 'Martinus Public House, you are hereby under a vest for kidnap, you do not have to say...' 'I'm Pubicus, not Public House...Public House is where you go for a few jars each Friday night, don't.... Edited September 23, 2023 by itsmeagain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 23, 2023 Share Posted September 23, 2023 confuse the two' said the ugly and badly dressed dwarf/Golem impersonator. P C Broderick positively bristled at this, not used to having his unquestionable authority questioned. 'This' he hissed through clenched teeth 'is you, isn't it?' showing Pubicus a photo on his mobile phone. 'Absolutely not!' crowed Pubicus and as he pointed out the suprisingly many differences between him and the photo, me and Pythagoras saw our opportunity to escape and did so. 'What now, my lovely' I breathed 'I have very valuable books to turn into a fortune (just then realising Pythagoras's interest in me) and we still have nowhere to stay until the Wigtown Auction House opens tomorrow morning. Not to mention ascertaining the whereabouts of your apparently missing sister Zelda, who is being pursued by the ugliest, dodgiest looking, and morally questionable sad excuse for a human being ever. And we are soaked through because of the rain' Pythagoras, meanwhile, was not listening at all as a result of ................ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 24, 2023 Share Posted September 24, 2023 her thinking she had spied Zelda coming unsteadily out of The Booby Trap Inn. She shot off in pursuit, faster than a greyhound out of the traps, screeching Zelda's name like a banshee. Zelda tottered on heedless until ... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 24, 2023 Author Share Posted September 24, 2023 she fell headlong over the outstretched body of Gilby Perv, 54, Leicester by birth, a joiner who always ended up lying on the floor, looking up, as young women in short dresses ambled past. 'You stupid, wretched clown', yelled Zelda. Soon the two sisters were embracing, like long-lost sisters, and since they'd not spoken since 2003, it was a big emotional reunion, marked by tears, beer, perfume, relationship chatter.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 25, 2023 Share Posted September 25, 2023 'Marvellous!' I thought. 'This still does not solve what I thought was our problem'. I, at least, am still soaking wet and still looking for somewhere to stay. What now? I pondered............ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 25, 2023 Author Share Posted September 25, 2023 , just as...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunababymoonchild Posted September 26, 2023 Share Posted September 26, 2023 it stopped raining. 'Brilliant!' I thought sarcastically 'At least there's a chance I'll get dried out.' I decided that watching Pythagoras and Zelda catch up was not in my best interests so wandered off to consider my options. Just then .............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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