Continue the story.....

[poppy]

at your disposal, ready and willing.'

'Haha, but are you talking about father or Johnny? Daddy is getting more and more ... eccentric, every day, but Johnny is fine. And I'll keep you in mind if we're ever short of staff. But who will ...

[itsmeagain]

really, out of the ranks of London's wealthy restauranteur entrepreneurs, will support me in my wish to further develop the cattery? Who is about to come up with groundbreaking, innovative, cash, errr sorry, ideas..to assist a lady  like me..one with delectable...'

'At your service you delectable young dame...how much loving..errr sorry..cash..were you thinking..?' , asked Bertie, transfixed by the lovely  Rosie, who as  Poppy said, looks like Bernadette from Big Bang theory.

'Well, if you can assist with say 35k as a part loan part gift, percentages of each to be decided by you, then I see no reason we can't get on ..rather well', she whispered, sounding like Joanna Lumley on an especially luxurious day...

Edited July 26, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

 

and causing Bertie to think all his birthdays had come at once.

'You come up with a plan and get back to me,' Rosie purred and giving her most winning smile, sashied her way out.

She couldn't wait to tell Johnny about their now healthy bank balance and the hope of a further fund boost from Bertie.

However, Johnny ...

[itsmeagain]

opened a letter from  Duress and Harass, solicitors, of Bell Bow.

'Dear Mr Revolting.

I write this letter in the hope of you being able to cast some light upon a matter relating to some beefburgers sold to you by Burn it and Flog it, of Cow Back lane.

Mrs Lauren Evade and her partner, Richard Useless, do verily report you failed to pay 800 quid for200 prime burgers.

I gather you got local youths to eat, but no payment...

 

Edited July 27, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

has as yet been received. Would you please rectify this oversight at your earliest convenience or we will be forced to take further action.

Respectfully Yours,

I. Harass

 

Johnny screwed up the letter and fired it at the wastepaper basket. He missed.

Rosie burst in laden down with ...

 

[itsmeagain]

books...from The Tale of  the ill fated Mary Celeste, through Wuthering Heights, Pickwick Papers, Catcher in the Rye, A tale of Genji...there were so many books that even the hardiest, hugest, mega big TBR piles would double in size.

'Oh Rosie, it's magnificent ', I 

 

[poppy]

misplaced all those books, they're the valuable first edition ones I told you about! If we can sell these, we'll be rolling in it. I've been searching for them everywhere, wherever did you find them?

[itsmeagain]

'A kind chap by the name of Bertie , he owns the cafe down Streatham. He was having a clear out and due to him being an idiot, me flashing a few smiles..'

'Flashing what..? Are you kidding....'

'A few smiles, he donated some cash apparently plus all these ..''

'What are you....on about? Who is this guy? I may be a clown but I..'

'Oooh let's just get the books sold and move to a larger premises Johnny..

 

Edited July 31, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

'Well ... larger premises would be great ... but I'm not happy about you fraternising with this whats-his-name! Tell me again about why he gave you these books and what did you say about cash? People don't just go around doling out money with gay abandon!'

'Oh Johnny, do stop fussing! It was all legal and above board. Now where are we going to sell these books?'

Before I could answer, in walked a large tweed suited geezer, matching flat cap, and handlebar moustache.

Tipping his cap he said, 'Greetings and salutations, comrades. Bertie Bertram Esquire at your service.'

[itsmeagain]

Affecting a demeanour wholly suited to a gent at the Bar, Bertie suavely strolled in, twirling a cane, but sporting a deluge of aftershave so very pungent...

 

[poppy]

my allergic rhinitis immediately kicked in, several of the moggies had what appeared to be asthma attacks and Megatron, a large marmalade tom, buried his nose in a water bowl and had to be dragged out before he suffered from asphyxiation.

Rosie seemed totally oblivious to the waves of nauseous fumes assaulting our olfactory organs and greeted him with ...

[itsmeagain]

a smile. ' Chateau de Gibberish, perhaps, Bertie?', her radiant smile eliciting a sigh of longing, followed by , ' any tipple will do for the woman of my dreams, and I must say you....

[poppy]

look sumptuously gorgeous. A delectable picture of pure seductiveness. I could just ...'

'Hoy!' I interrupted, 'who the #@&% do you think you are coming in here chatting up my fiancée??'

'Methinks I have hitherto furnished you with my moniker?'

'Darling,' Rosie interrupted, grabbing my arm and squeezing hard. I yelped. 'Bertie has promised to ...

[itsmeagain]

fund our glorious ongoing needs in terms of the cattery', at which I smiled and waved, disappeared to the cellar, finding a bottle of de Clerambault's finest Chantillion vermouth red, pouring a huge pint of it out, and plonking it before our esteemed visitor.

' So you see, cutchy coo, I can give you 45 k with no need to repay ..unless you wish to repay..in another'

'Really Bertie, you are such a cad', she replied, coyly pouting, ' and so am I.. gimme 55k..'

A huge swig of wine, and, '55k at your service..account details my dear. Before we get down on it..as it were. Well I have always had a keen eye for the ladies...

Edited August 5, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

'I could tell you were a connoisseur in that department. Let me give you a top up of this excellent wine and tell me more about yourself,' I encouraged, hoping if we could get him inebriated enough, he'd sign a cheque with no strings attached.

'Well, ...

[itsmeagain]

provided you're not about to insist on being there at the evening end, the denouemen, as it were, of all the cautious planning..the derobement of a surreal beauty... '

'Top up for Bertie', said Rosie, opening his mouth and emptying a whole carafe in, ' now, your cheque..'.

'Oh yessss..here it is..name..your..pryshe', and at that, I held his wrist and guided it as he scrawled. '100,000 pounds' and signed it.

Gleefully pouring another bottle down him, I put him in a taxi and made him pay for the journey home.

'Well that's one sad muppet out of the way', said Rosie, as the phone rang..it was Parson Cross, 

 

[poppy]

'Just a quick phone call to let you know I'm on my way round with a new group of boys to do a spot of work experience. See you in a tick,' and he  rang off.

'What the *beep*! The last interaction we had with the tosser, he dumped ten tons of cat litter on our doorstep and we couldn't get in for days!'

'It wasn't quite ten tons, Johnny, and the reason we couldn't get in was because you were too bone idle to move any of it.'

'Minor details, don't...

[itsmeagain]

prevaricate. We are off to the bank.'

Later, Parson Cross and 15 renegade teens tipped up, and , finding no one around, decided to stay until

[poppy]

someone returned. Parson Cross immediately made himself comfy in MY office, put his feet up on MY desk and told the boys to make him a brew. 'See if you can't find a few biccies to go with it ... choccie ones. Ahhhh... how the other half live.'

Meanwhile the boys decided the cats looked bored with being inside and let them all out. They immediately...

[itsmeagain]

gallivanting into nearby gardens, down the street, into the corner shop.

One trader, Frank Flogbadmeat, 54, a local butcher, happily entertained 14 cats, over half of the 26 released by the louts, to a succession of tasty treats slung casually into the backyard of his meat shop.

' Come on kitty come here', he said, and my oh my , did the kitties adore that. 

Meanwhile,, having deposited over 100k into the bank, we returned, but oh....

Edited August 9, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

what an astounding sight met our unbelieving eyes. Not only were all the cats missing, a motley assortment of pimply youths were swarming all over the place, riffling through our cupboards, and strangest of all, Parson Cross ...

[itsmeagain]

, snoring, a bottle of Chateau de Grief Now, almost empty on my desk, his feet up on te desk ad though he were little Lord Fontleroy.

'Time to face the music', said Rosie, throwing a mug of ice water into the face of Parson Cross.' ' Wh ..wh

.wha'ts..ohhhh..Mynoh my..well hellew dear comrades of God..most worshipful of days today. I. '

'What are you doing breaking in here and allowing untamed, unwashed youths, free reign to wreck. 

[poppy]

unmitigated havoc and mayhem?!!'

'Jush doing you a flavour,  love your invader the good booksh says... ' and his head lolled forward onto his chest and loud snores filled the room.

Rosie grabbed a broom and poked him vigorously but the Parson just ...

[itsmeagain]

kept on snoring, mouth agog, flycatcher, alcohol laden saliva running onto his cassock.

Videoing the episode as she was, I idly mused over the possibility Rosie was going to try blackmail on a man of the cloth. 

Being a man who upholds many vows, when it's highly convenient, I decided to see what occurred next..the prospect of many more quids means I can go to the Bahamas ASAP, against the frankly squalid, wretched, thought, of a tasselled nincompoop  sloshed on the settee. 

But what of the reprobates? 

'Lads come in for some lunch', I said, then, with twenty eager spotty faces before me, a glass of tepid tap water for sustenance, I laughed my head off and said, ' get the cats back..now', and at that, they ran off 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 

Edited August 12, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

never to return. Except for one Clyde Piper. About twenty minutes later, in he wandered followed in single file by our moggies. We quickly counted them and all forty- three were present and correct. There were also about ten extras which he seemed to have picked up on the way.

'How on earth ...???'

'Cats just seem to like me,' Clyde shrugged.

'How would you like a job here?' Rosie and I asked in unison.

'Well ...