itsmeagain

"He well...oh my God..did we not tell you of the birdies plus the bees when you were a teen? It simply means he prefers men...." "Ooooooo kayyyyyy" said Gilby , trying to cover up his ignorance, " well he is a liar .....can I speak to my father?" "No he's engrossed in England v Germany... bye son, do sleep well". "It's only 11@m..."....but mum had hung up. Gilby searched the phonebook. "Davide Pluspartout of Useless Eustace legal services,9 Moron Drive, London. Now that....

get involved. When I was trying to find my way as a young man, the ugly charmless little toad charmed his way into women's beds....." "Ohhhhhh noooooo please dear...no Vinnie was just an imaginary figment of some top brains on book club forum. You know a woman named...." "To be honest there's football on t box so go and occupy yourself...Vinnie indeed...goodness if he ever comes calling round here I will knock...." Drrrrrrrrinnnnnng drones the landline. Wilfie

Raining.

Florence, who alone of the amorous duo could not hear the staccato interference, slammed the phone down. Wilf Supermarket, her husband, enquired what was the matter? "Oh just memories Wilf...memories..you I know I am post menopausal..well I cry when I recall the good times...a trip to New York." Naive as ever, Wilf put his arm around Florence's shoulder. She kept weeping and blurted out " Oh thanks Vinnie, you are truly the best."

"evict you my kutchie little wutchie. I will help restore you to your rightful place at the head of the household. You being such a loyal....." "GERMANY CALLING!! GERMANY CALLING!" came a crackling, staccato voice on the crossed line. "Stop!! I am talking to Mrs Supermarket and it's. ..

Rain

....You need give me two weeks notice in writing to vacate the premises. As lover to your esteemed uncle I ought to be allowed to stay but of course he's dead so off goes Vincent into the distance. I expect a written notice to quit in my hand by 4pm." And with that he stormed from the room, popping his head back to say "Those lovely boobs you lust after...I...only I....have enjoyed." A huge copy of "Motorbike maintenance for old men" flew through the air....but Vinnie had gone downstairs. On the phone he said "Florence, your son is evicting me...." @nd

know MrRamsay fairly well but I cannot join you today as I have smalls to wash and cupboards to clean.I.." "Smalls dear....oh let me see" "There's the money for the lecky bill....goodbye" and Gilby whisked Eleanor briskly out the door. The old man Berk tore open the envelope."Hehehe.... 657 pounds in total...the bill was only 98 quid....a fool plus his cash are easily parted." Back at the mansion,Gilby goes looking for Vinnie. He finds him standing outside Gilby's office door, a sheepish look on his face.

"Ok what time am I going?" "I am accompanying you at ten a.m. Since I do not drive I have booked a taxi." At ten, Jim Beans, 45, taxi driver arrived. He deposited our silent duo at 2 Gormless avenue. Eleanor knocked on the black door . A sprightly old man opened the door. "Mr Berk at your service..oh Gilby...your wife is very charming indeed" said Berk, feebly. "No this is my helpmate...she has declined nuptials, @nd I am here to pay the 567 quid lecky bill", said Gilby in a morose way. "Introducing Eleanor", said Eleanor, gaily.

Sunny and warm.

Vinnie was playing an old gramophone record with child, dog, cat and pig sounds."Taking me back some years to when I worked for Major Bobbins on Clough farm", declared Vinnie. Clutching a bacon sarnie he dashed from the kitchen, salty fat running down his stubbly chin. Gilby unplugged the record player. In walked Eleanor, bearing a tray of toasted marmalade sarnies. "Good morning Gilby" $he declared, flirty and happy. "Morning. You know, don't forget you have to go visit Mr Berk with the several hundred quid for the lecky bill. You're going in a taxi".....

Rainy and chilly in south Yorkshire.

Yet there was nothing amiss with the tea. Gilby now clocked for the fact that his appointment with Vinnie Despoliate was actually due in nine hours time. He laid his head groggily back on his pillow, sleeping peacefully til 8am. He woke....

overwrought. Tired isn't the apposite word for it. After all I have been stressed all day , running about all week..." Gilby reclined on a chaise longue, @ bowl of green seedless grapes by his bedside, a flask of sweet tea on the go constantly. He awoke into silence and pitch black darkness in the room. "What time is it?" he groaned quietly, his alarm clock showed him 02:09. "Crikey I have....

LOL.....New phone and it is predicting things just as it pleases!!! It is Vinnie not Bonnie...lol "Oh of course you have forgotten my mother now, Vinnie Decibels but my God you aren't having this beautiful piece...tomorrow at 11 along with your excuses".....

Cold.

gasping for breath in a purple bundle on the floor. Gilby opened the door, revealing Vinnie holding a bunch of marigolds, water dripping off them onto the floor. "For you for you the love of my life", said Vinnie, tripping over Gilby and tumbling so he knocked Eleanor onto the couch, Vinnie atop her, his head nestled upon her inviting chest. "I will see you tomorrow at 11...my mother where is she?" @nd Gilby marched.....

bounds...." Diatribe interrupted by Vinnie asking from behind a closed door, for "peach pie if you will dear Ms Doorstop oh god how gorgeous you art." Livid, Gilby went....

Cold.

giggles? Only, you see at every end and turn you start to chortle..." "And what's wrong with that? Am I to guess you would prefer to have a pouting, miserable girl as your helpmate?" "Oh no not at all..now please help me...I have many hundreds of pounds to pay to a Mr Berk, @ landlord. Will you go tomorrow at 10ish to 32 Gormless avenue @nd hand Mr Berk this cheque?"

Cold.

was the tiny, clear, easily read handwriting of Boris Berk, landlord of 543 Helpmate street, one of Gilby's many old addresses. "Dearest Supermarket, It's only me again, pray don't think the taxman has caught up with you just yet. 543Helpmate street , old chap, the electricity bill stands at 567 quid and I cannot pay it ..it's over to you ...pal"... "How did you get my address?" whispered Gilby, @lmost inaudible...but in came Eleanor, gaily saying "Why of course I know where you live, silly". "Excuse.....

An eighth of a ton..well a couple of pounds at least. Gilby was in the kitchen , dutifully scraping worm droppings off the dirty turnip, when the doorbell rang. Opening the window, Gilby yelled "Aloha...who goeth there...friend or foe? As you see I am master of all I survey and..." "Postman mate, it's a registered letter for Supermarket, Gilly or sumfink."

Tea.

Cold.