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his mother's foot when she suddenly shot it out in front of him.

'Whoops, sorry,' she said. Gilb gave her a level look, he had his suspicions it wasn't accidental.

'Mother dear, don't you think it's time you stopped canoodling with ...with ...Mr Desecrated here and ...

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'It's French, I'll have you know I come from a long line of esteemed French aristocracy. We were the De Siccates of Bordeaux, no less!'

'Never 'eard of 'em! In the coconut trade were they?'

Vinnie pulled himself up to his full height, all of 5' 4", puffed out his cheeks and started to look very red round the gills. He was just about to vent forth indignantly when Gilly grabbed his mother, said let's go and ...

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to act all professional like and not go all gooey eyed and soppy.

'Would 300 pound a week be unreasonable?' asked Eleanor timidly.

'Very unreasonable!' said Gilby sternly,' we'll make it 500.'

And that was that. Now to sort out old Desperate!

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we all know you consider yourself a man of some importance, but let me disabuse you of that notion right here and now. You are, for all intents and purposes, a complete persona non grata.'  It had taken Gilby quite some time to compose this little speech, involving much scratching of his head and dictionary and thesaurus delving. He now wrote it all down and set about memorising the more difficult words. He hadn't yet decided if he wanted to keep Vinnie in his employ, it all depended on ...

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have a little glass,' and he found one that held half a bottle. Feet up, he ruminated on the vagaries of life. For every one of life's little aggravations, and they hadn't been infrequent, (he thought of Rosetta and now that pesky Destitute or whatever he liked to call himself) the lining was always more silver on the dark side of the cloud and all that. Perhaps Eleanor would like to share a little glass with him. He puttered upstairs.

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a shabby low-cut Victorian dress made of velvet and lace she'd discovered in one of the bedroom wardrobes. Goodness knows what would have happened if the cheap wine hadn't been two percent alcohol instead of the stated twenty percent on the label. Gilby had been hoping for...

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La femme accident, accenting her words in as French a way as possible.

Composing himself, and wiping sweat from his forehead with his hand, he ventured Glory me my dear, you will not get two to a pound there, no "...

 

" these wine glasses..oh you are so presumptuous my dear", and, giggling, she announced that the glasses were 8 for a quid , courtesy ....

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kindly cover up those delights..most unseemly, making a man of means go all unnecessary."

"Oh so all the MPs sending texts to 18 yr olds asking for favours, are they men of means?", she cooed, a twinkle in her almond shaped green eyes

"Well....

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PAH!! Don't get me started on MP's!!' Gilby exclaimed, and he promptly got started on MP's and didn't seem likely to stop anytime soon.

Eleanor's twinkle started to dim somewhat, but being of a polite and kind nature she ...

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poured mote wine. sipping contentedly on the chaise longue.

"So Mr Supermarket, shat do you do for fun? ", she enquired, flicking her auburn locks back from her forehead.

?

"I actually wonder if you will join me at Albuquerque restaurant, Grubby street, for dinner tomorrow? You are the most ravishing...

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...the most exquisite ...the most beautiful ....' Gilby stuttered to a stop.

Eleanor smiled coquettishly and asked if he was hungry for anything.

'Oh, most definitely! It's a very long time since I've enjoyed the pleasure of ....well, you know what!'

'In that case,' replied Eleanor,' I'll make you one of my famous BLT's, they were your uncle's favourites, he insisted on having them at least five times a day.'

Gilby felt ...

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the last thing he wanted wasBLT. Feeling fruity, he declared "A temptress like you should offer a peach...", and instead of the slap he merited, she produced a bowl of succulent ripe peaches...

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'Good thinking, I'll make these into a peach pie for dessert,' and she pottered off humming to her kitchen. 'Vinnie loves a nice slice of peach pie,' she murmured dreamily.

'Vinnie!! Vinnie!!' Gilby ground his teeth, 'Damn and blast Vinnie! What about ...

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me..your beneficent, oh so wealthy employer..up here on a mission, and ..god dammit , does money not mean anything to you girl? I want to go to bed with you, and that is why I called.." All in vain, as our favourite cuisine specialist was already rolling flour , water at the ready, sugar, butter, the lot.

Gilby was exasperated.

His annoyance was ameliorated slightly by 10 BLT sandwiches on a plate; soon he was eulogising about Elaeanor's cooking ability.

"Oh my to be fair this is the nicest bacon sarnie I ever ate", he cried, tomato seeds dripping down his chin ...

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and all nefarious thoughts evaporating in a mist of culinary delight. 'Eleanor, my dear, wherever did you learn to cook like this? A French Cookery School perhaps? Not Gordon Ramsay, I hope! I can't stand ...

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