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Posted

pudding!! My dear sir, I'll have you know that far from being a tramp, I have connections, very high up connections! In fact my mother's uncle's cousin twice removed on the distaff side, was in fact ...

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Earl of Rivermead, way back in 14th century Sussex, so please think before you open your mouth to opine opinions about me. Now if you'll excuse me I have got work to do so why don't you just go and powder your nose or get dinner cooked."

"The eggs the eggs", said Gilby, rushing to the....

Posted

stove. They were hard boiled to death, with that strange purply-blue coloured yolk and smelled strongly of sulphur.'Just how I like 'em.'

'Now, Mr Destitute ...' said Florence, fluttering her eyelashes.

' Dessicate, dear lady, Dessicate, but call me Vincent, all my best friends do.'

'Well, Vincent, I'd be honored. What was your err... job description when you were working for dear Uncle Marv, God rest his soul?'

Vinnie laughed, 'Why, I was his chef of course!'

'In that case,' said Florence ...

Posted

can you rustle me up some soup? Plus

a pie, go buy some beefsteak at Lummox the butcher in Bermondsey. I will pay you a monthly salary and truly it will be a good one...say 1,000 quid per month. You have lovely hair, Mr Decayed, I must....

Posted

do some hairdressing for you some time, I'm quite a dab hand, you know,  I took a little course one time.'

And indeed it was lovely hair, not grey as you'd expect but pure white and flowing back onto his shoulders.

'On second thoughts, I'll come with you and pick up a few necessities. Gilly give your father a ring on that mobility device of yours. Tell him I'm moving in here to get things sorted out. I'll be home some weekend. That should make him happy,' she said in an aside,' he'll be able to spend more time with that floosie of his!'

Gilbert opened his mouth to object, then closed it again, once his mother got an idea into her head there was no reasoning with her. He went back to his eggs. Florence took Vinnie's arm, he patted her hand and ...

Posted

said"now really Mrs Supermarket, there are things a gentlewoman such as you need to know, 1. I am gay and 2. I had a partner, name of Marvin Supermarket. I sat by his sickbed, feeding him grapes one's devotee would do for one..."

"Oh goodness me..Marv was gay?", asked Florence supercilious in tone and demeanour"but it didn't prevent him trying it on with me when my husband's back was turned I can tell you . What of the episode known in our home as Marvin and the night at the.....

Posted

Opera. He took me to see La Boheme and when the lights went down, oh my! I still come over all weak at the knees at the thought. Extraordinary man! Still it's never too late to have second thoughts, Vinnie-dear. Do you ever have second thoughts?'she asked, giving his hand a little squeeze.

Posted

"I have second thoughts on most things, Mrs Supermarket," he said as she opened the car door,"for instance last November in Sainsburys I returned an entire sachet of coffee to the shelf, as Co oo sell it cheaper. There was the time I bought a book, the Count of...

Posted

Monte Cristo' and I found it wasn't what I wanted at all. So I changed my mind and swapped it for 'The Count from Sesame St,' a lot more interesting by far. Is that the sort of thing you're meaning, dear madam?'

'Not exactly,' said Florence, 'I was more thinking of having a wider ... a broader... well, a more all encompassing ... ummm, to put it plainly, extending your afffections to the fairer sex?'

'Dear lady! ...

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...Why of course I shall....just the other day, I gave a squeeze of the hand to a redhead in Battersea, she cried as an umbrella spoke belonging too a bathroom salesman, poked her in the eye on the platform of the Tube. I sent a kind letter to the Queen....

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congratulating her on her fine choice in hats. I let a vivacious little blonde go ahead of me at the delicatessen counter in the Super Savings Supermarket and thereby missed out on the last kipper. I adore the ladies and you, dear lady, you will be my favourite. 'Now come along, we have provisions to acquire, then we will return home and I will create for you a delectable little ...

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repast, name of Vincent's house special..for it we will need beef,mangetout, carrots, courgettes, plus rice...can you help by paying for it? Only

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...'

'Don't mention it! Of course I'll pay! I've got Gilby's credit card,' and she giggled.

'Well, in that case,' said Vinnie,

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"I demand that you ring your son and give him the card back. I simply will not stand for any kind of chicanery. Do you realise you are breaking the law?"

Florence was taken by surprise. "So I

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understand! But we have a joint account now, both our names are on this card. Gilby realises that I've been putting a good word in for him for years with Uncle Marv and he wouldn't have gotten a mention in his will if it wasn't for me! Besides, he needs me to ...

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be a good mumsy to him so he won't mind."

Drrrrrinnnnggg, went Florence's mobile.

"Mum, bring my card back right now. I want it as,I am ....

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looking at buying a car. A Bentley or Rolls most probably.'

'But you can't drive, dear!'

'I know that mother, I'll hire a chaffeur. Can Vinnie drive? It's not going to take him all day cooking for two, surely!'

'Well, if you're going to be ringing me every five minutes when I'm grocery shopping, demanding your card back, you'll never ...

Posted

with that nice little redhead at Arnie's Automatic Pass Automobile Academy for a fast-track license, then we'll see about getting you a car,' and she hung up.

'Now, Vinnie, where were we? If you're to stay in our employ, you will really have to learn to ...

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know when to really listen to what a lady is silently screaming at you", saying which, she embraced him, crushing his mouth in a lipstick and perfume encrusted vice, with tongue sloshing..

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about and tickling his tonsils. His carefully styled hair stood on end, his toes curled, his stomach clenched and other parts of him reacted in ways they never had before in a ladies presence. He liked it! Grabbing her and tipping her over the tomato stand he kissed her passionately back. 'Hoy! You're squashing me toe-marters! Geroff!' and the veggie attendant threw a bucket of ...

Posted (edited)

Ice water over the amorous duo."Gerrout a me sight, you lascivious old ram goat", said market trader Seb O'Rrhea, to Florence and Vinnie.

Shaken, Vinnie acted all chivalry and dignity, insisting...

Edited by itsmeagain
Posted

he laid his jacket over a particularly muddy pothole and escorted Florence across. A chivolous gesture, albeit misguided, as they were both soaking wet and shivering from cold. However, Florence by this stage was absolutely smitten, and determined to ...

Posted

feelings he was having in return. After all, he had always, as it were, batted for the other side. Had he made some big miscalculation and missed out on all ...

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