poppy Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 fair taken it out of him! He'd just settled down thankfully, with his meat pie and Bovril (I looked it up ) when who should come yoo-hooing through the crowd, a vision in leopard print mini skirt, bright pink feather boa and stilettoes, but ..... Trixie. 'Dexie darling,' she cooed, 'you don't want to be wasting your time on this silly old football game! Come home with me now and I'll show you my ............
itsmeagain Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) Best set of undies, it really will be a treat for you. Women or football mused Dex soporifically..it was a Wolves match after all..i will go for women...after ive watched the football.He hailed her over , then he said Edited October 25, 2014 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 'I'll be there as soon as the game's over, darling.' 'Whatever!' replied Trixie,' but if you're not going to follow me now, don't bother at all!' She tossed her head and flounced off with a bounce and a jiggle, much to the fascination of the male spectators. Appreciative whistles and 'Phwoar' echoed round the stands. Dex sighed.
itsmeagain Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Then Dex left the stadium and joined Trixie. Come on cupcake, saidDex, let's go shall we? And with that they entered his Yellow Range Rover.
poppy Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 It wouldn't start. Dex sighed again. He opened the bonnet and peered inside and twiddled with a few things. Nothing happened. 'Trixie, I'm going to give the starter motor a whack, can you try starting it after I do, please?' He took out a hammer and gave it a bang. Trixie turned the key and away she went. Unfortunately, it was still in gear and it lurched forward with the regrettable consequence .....
itsmeagain Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 That Dex was inside the open bonnet bouncing along, while unqualified driver Trixie bumbled , bounced and rocked the yellow vehicle wildly down Prescot hill, London, in an erratic and terrifying manner. Dex decided he was
poppy Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 going to die. There was just one thing to do. He did it.
dex Posted October 27, 2014 Posted October 27, 2014 He pushed the bonnet over the windscreen and with the wind ripping through his sideburns, he managed to scramble through the sunroof whilst flipping the bonnet back into place. He was now hanging upsidedown staring through the windscreen in terror, at the oncoming...
poppy Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 train. Trixie had inadvertently driven onto a railway crossing whose red lights were flashing, warning bells ringing and barrier arm down. With a great splintering sound she stalled in the middle of the track. Dex, with an agility that would have made Bruce Lee proud, .................
itsmeagain Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 Grabbed the steering wheel and drove, upside down and exposed, to safety. Then a large oak tree decided to hinder him, entangling his left foot in a mass of leaves .
poppy Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 He was left dangling upside down, firmly gripped by a determined tree branch, whilst a wild-eyed Trixie careened on into the undergrowth. Finally, with a cough and a splutter, the Rover ran out of gas. A faint 'Help!!' could be heard a way in the distance.
itsmeagain Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 That was Dex ,hanging forlornly from a tree, as described. Trixie was looking forlorn too."Dexter oh Dexter oh wherefore art thou my Dexter?" she enquired plaintively. Dex said
poppy Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 'You know Shakespeare, Trixie?? Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?' he wondered. 'Oh Dexie, darling, hang on there, I'm coming!' 'Well, I haven't got much choice Trix, but please hurry, this branch is making suspicious cracking noises.'
itsmeagain Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 ..And guess what..yes, dear perceptive reader, that's correct..the branch snapped, hurling Dex quickly to the floor, where he was met by a slavering Trixie. Oh Dex Dex love, help me she wailed. Dex wanted a pint..
poppy Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 and an aspirin and preferably a bit of peace and quiet. But it was not to be. Flashing lights and the sound of police sirens could be heard and before they could say 'Holy Bobbies, Batman!' a police officer was getting out of his car, opening his notebook and saying, ' 'ello, 'ello', 'ello! What's goin' on 'ere then?' Dex sighed, 'You tell him, Trixie, I'm just going to have a little nap.'
itsmeagain Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Well, said Trixie, you see Dexter and me, we are an item. Now that's ok but actually you see, I cannot drive yet Dex allowed me to drive his yellow range rover around London. I made a proper mess of everything I have to admit. The officer, PC Dennis Onduty, said
poppy Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 'I see, I see, I see. Giving you lessons was 'e? Strange position for givin' lessons 'e was in! I've seen it all now, but it takes all types, I 'spose. There's more fings in 'eaven and earth, Dennis, as me dear ol' Mum used to say. Me name's Dennis you see.' Trixie didn't really see at all, but thought it wisest to nod profusely. 'I won't bring charges this time Missy, but I suggest you get a profess'nal instructor to teach you the finer points of motor vehicular profish....profishin ....profishy .....driving.' With that, PC Onduty ............
itsmeagain Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Wiped his moustache free of cola and biscuit crumbs, and addressed Dex."As for you my old son, you are one lucky pup landing a girl with such obvious, errm, you know"....pointing to his chest. ."Oh her intelligence!!!" replied Dex "yes i truly am honoured".
poppy Posted October 30, 2014 Posted October 30, 2014 Trixie beamed and fluttered her eyelashes. 'Err-hum ....yes, yes. Of course. That too. I'll give you a ride back to town in me patrol car, seeing as you're incap ...incar ... run out of petrol like. You 'op in the front next to me, Miss, and I'll give you a few pointers in this 'ere driving department. Your boyfriend 'ere could do with a bit of a brush-up too in 'is driving skills, by the look of 'is performance tonight.' He gave her a rather drawn out pat on the knee. Dex ground his teeth, but thought it wisest not to say anything.
itsmeagain Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) So Officer Dennis Onduty drove them all back to the centre of London..he gave Dex 25 pounds for fish chips n peas for three...and yet when Dex left the chippy...no range rover no Trixie no Onduty officer. Dennis chuckled as he sped away Edited October 31, 2014 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Dex decided now was not the time to be too hamstrung by the finer points of the law. There was a BMW sitting there. It wasn't locked. The keys were in the ignition. He hopped in and ............
itsmeagain Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Sped gamely after the police car. Down lane, over bypass, down a lengthy motorrway, signs for Coventry, Leicester..then Birmingham. Meanwhile Dennis Onduty thought about his
poppy Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 monastic, bachelor life. It was not his by choice, but he'd never had much luck in the girlfriend department. One date with him and his plodding ways and they ran a mile. He decided now was his chance with Trixie. He turned the squad car's nose in the direction of Gretna Green and put his foot down.
itsmeagain Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 (edited) Up they sped, brown smoke spewing from the exhaust as they entered the lower end of Leicester. "I am hungry" declared Trixie expectantly yet resigned.Dennis gruffly repled "We are off to a wedding dear" and Trixie's docile response of "ooh who are you arresting big boy?" frankly made Dennis Onduty cringe. Dex followed serenely, he knew time and perhaps God, were on his side. Edited November 3, 2014 by itsmeagain
poppy Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 'Ooooo, Dennywenny, make your little flashy light thingy on the roof go round and round, and turn the noisy whee ooh whee ooh thing on! And where's your handcuffs, Denny? And have you got a gun? Can I talk on your walkie talkie radio? I just want to say hello to all the nice bobbies out there. Yoohoo boys, how's it hanging?' Little did PC Onduty realise the ceaseless, gushing prattle had only just begun.
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