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eldest boy, Harry, dropped his beak load sack of partridge peas and goggled at her. Partridge peas bounced in all directions earning Harry a good clout round the ear from Archie. This didn't stop Harry from ....

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start of something beautiful into a bedraggled washout. Annabella flew home disconsolately to dry her drooping tail feathers with a hairdryer. Unfortunately ....

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pole to support a satellite dish. 'Can't miss our favourite programmes Dad!' they informed their father when he complained they should be concentrating instead on .....

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Learning about the birds and the bees. Most of the brood knew the facts of life, Danielle Dove especially, as she had...

Edited by itsmeagain
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watched a David Attenborough special on the subject. The only thing lacking from the new happy little home was mother, who was still ....

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witchety grubs, but apparently they'd been pretty thin on the ground lately and were demanding exorbitant prices. He told her she'd have to settle for ....

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in disgust, picking out bits of incinerated woodlouse. She decided that although Hawkeye had some undeniably attractive qualities, namely his bank balance, she really couldn't stand a minute more of his....

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Birds on the bounce, a feathery sitcom about life in a community of suks and cassowaries in Australia.

Its starred Griselda Corncrake, a veteran of soapy. .

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soaps. In fact she'd moved from being a  veteran to a vintage after forty years of bouncing round the small screen. Some would say her bounce was looking decidedly deflated after all this time, nevertheless, Archie devotedly tuned in each day to get his daily fix.  He'd just reached a particularly toothsome moment when ....

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in flew Gertrude, all coos, pigeon smiles and charm. "My feathery love!!", she exclaimed, breathlessly, "I have been over to see the old redstart couple, see did they need any shopping", she said, hopefully.

Edited by itsmeagain
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'Humph!' grunted Archie. He didn't want to miss Griselda throwing herself dramatically off a particularly high cenotaph after being rejected by the young bounder Seamus Seagull. Besides, if he suspected Gertrude of secret dalliances, he chose to ....

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milk the situation, or to use the unspoken guilt to his own advantage.

"Hmmmmph" he grunted, reading the paper Bird Blether, "I wish it was Christmas."

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'Why so, my love, my treasure, my sweet, light of my life and apple of my eye?' cooed Gertie, laying it on thick.

'Hmmmmmph,' repeated Archie, thinking she really must have a guilty conscience this time! 'Because that's when you're getting me that present you promised, you know, the .................

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dove feather and rhea wing jacket, the one I fancied from Paulus Peregrine, he who owns Crane Wings clothing of Wales. I thought anyone who appreciates the new abode would buy their dear feathery husband a nice new gift".

Gertrude gulped." Aahh you are sweet....

Edited by itsmeagain
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and my cuddly-wuddly, cutie pie and you know I'd do anything in the world to keep .....I mean, make .....you happy ....but sweetums , honey-bunch, dumpling, you know the exorbitant prices he charges there! How ever do you think .....

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i am gonna afford it? Tell you what, lend me the cash and I will go and buy you that gift, along with a piece of Crimble Chaffinch chocolate crumble cake..how's that?"

"Hmmmph. I am busy watching telly. It's my favourite show."

One of their brood, Septimus Soothepigeon, aged 8, suddenly saw mummy .

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peering into the mirror, powdering her beak, applying her Elizabeth Avian perfume and forcing her feet into a particularly uncomfortable pair of high heels. This could mean only one thing.

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She wanted to play the kissing game with Archie. Usually it happened when mummy bird had been away a day or seven, and it was daddy who wasn't too keen on reciprocating mummy's sloppy, seductive kisses. Gertrude tried to find her Wings Delite peach petal perfume, bought at Luigi Lammergeier's shop in Soho. It made her feel very....

Edited by itsmeagain
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high. She wondered what might possibly be in it to cause the euphoric feelings it induced but since Archie didn't really have that effect on her anymore, she wasn't going to ..... 

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