Continue the story.....

[itsmeagain]

PC Sophie Quinn, and PC Iam Aclown, were marching to McDonalds to buy nutritious,  wholesome food, when one of them saw a commotion 

Edited May 5, 2025 by itsmeagain

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pick up their daily free Big Mac, large fries and chocolate shake in exchange for patrolling the area.

''Allo, 'allo, 'allo! Wat's going on 'ere?' demanded PC Aclown. 

Rosie let out another loud moan.

'Get out!' he shouted, grabbing me and dragging me out of the taxi. 'Get yer 'ands up, turn round, up against the wall!'

He handcuffed me and when I tried to explain what was going on he told me to shut up.

Rosie and I were now bawling in unison.

Fortunately, PC Quinn quickly ascertained...

 

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a female was in distress, occasioned by labour, ( hold your horses, all you who cry ,' by the Tories', since you are wrong, as I mean pregnancy, not our esteemed government. )

'PC Quinn, urgent  ambulance 🚑  for Rosie Revolting -Flowers, she's in labour.'

Rosie told me to get ready to lift her from the abandoned taxi, but PC Aclown declared, 

Edited May 6, 2025 by itsmeagain

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that I was to stay exactly where I was until he ascertained I wasn't a threat. He intended to book me for the theft of one taxi, contravening excessive noise standards, possible assault of a female person and disorderly conduct.

'But that's ridiculous!' I exclaimed, but he obviously had no intention of backing down.

'You're going to get a law suit over this!' I shouted.

Next thing I knew he'd tasered me and when I came round ...

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I was in a hospital bed, next to Rosie in her maternity bed, and she was holding the most petite bundle of joy......

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I'd ever laid my eyes on.

'Oh Rosie, you clever girl you! But what happened? The last thing I remember is that Clown idiot pointing a taser at me.

Are you alright? Is the baby alright? Is it a boy or a girl?'

Rosie looked tired, but very pleased with herself.

'We're all fine, and we have a brand new baby girl.'

'She's absolutely gorgeous! But did you make it to hospital?'

'No, PC Quinn delivered her in the taxi. I couldn't wait any longer. She said it was her first time, but she'd always wanted to.'

'What a champ!' I said, 'Have you thought of any names?'

'Well ...

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Sophie, in honour of the lovely PC Quinn, who, by the way, established that, ' thank God you aren't having quins'.'

Such humour, such gay abandon, such a time...of philosophical endeavour,,quiet reflection on the ills of the world, mixed

 

Edited May 9, 2025 by itsmeagain

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with joy, relief and a huge sense of pride in Rosie.

The only fly in the ointment was a visit by a loud and aggressive PC Aclown who issued me with a court date for a litany of trumped up charges. Fortunately, PC Quinn had been wearing a body camera and I was fairly confident all charges would be dropped. I fully intended to lay a complaint about 'The Clown' and sue for wrongful arrest and assault. 

It gave us great pleasure when nursing staff asked him to leave and security escorted him off the premises because he was disturbing all the mothers and babies.

Rosie was very tired so I headed ...

 

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to the canteen, I had spud soufflé, potato pie, vegan cheeze sarnies and a pear.

I went to check on Rosie plus little Sophie, her wispy jet black hair and little black eyes so gorgeous,  it was all......

Edited May 10, 2025 by itsmeagain

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I could do to resist waking her up to give her a great big cuddle.

'Visiting time is over, Mr Revolting.'  A buxom matron, Hortense Humphrey, bustled in and started plumping up pillows, straightening the bed and generally clattering around.

'Mother and baby need their rest you know,' she boomed, making little Sophie start in her sleep and waking Rosie, who had just dozed off. I kissed them both and said I'd be back first thing tomorrow. 

'Darling, will you ring Daddy and give him the good news?'

Rosie asked sleepily.

'OK,' I answered reluctantly, I couldn't very well ...

 

 

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deny her the request, though it certainly struck me that it  was not impossible for her to press his number on the keypad of her phone.

After being sat there for hours, I toddled off home,my mind filled with images of China, Iran, Argentina, Dolomites, Burkina Faso, Bangladesh,  and North Macedonia. The latest book I was perusing was fantastic,  being Women Travel, a Rough Guide special.

The rebellious nature of the women within the pages, made me proud; after all, a bloke who loathes rules meets a book where the protagonists do, is a match made in heaven.

Two strong cuppas later, a hard day's work was ended and I lay on the sofa, Man United v Barcelona on the tv , me asleep , the world, I think, at peace.

The drrrrrrrinnnnggg of the phone at 11pm , was Rosie, who asked if I had ☎️ rung daddy to relay the great news.

'Aaaahhh, poor gent was asleep, I tried several times', I said, believing she'd never know the selfish truth, and, after all, it....

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had been an exhausting and dramatic couple of days.
She said I must visit him him first thing tomorrow then, his phone was probably out of order.
I reluctantly limped there at about 1 pm the next day. My leg where I'd been tased, was giving me gyp.
The Major immediately demanded, when told the glad tidings,  when I intended to 'make an honest woman of her'. 
'Weddings cost a lot of money, you know,' I said, hoping he'd cough up with the readies.
'Nonsense! What's wrong with a registry office?  I won't have any granddaughter of mine being called  nullius filius!'
I retorted that we had no intention of calling her such a mouthful and we'd decided on Sophie.'
'I thought, under the circumstances, you'd name her Regina, after me!'
I raised an eyebrow, 'I didn't realise ...

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you are royalty, as you  aren't  actually able...to show a sign of regality.. your long suffering daughter,  in throes of debt via the cattery,  the Tory induced cost of living crisis...'

'Stop right there old boy...now, me and Rosalyn's mother, we once knew a Bhutanese royal called Sprig o' Thistree, and he solemnly blessed us in a tree hut in Sikkim, telling us we possess....

Edited May 15, 2025 by itsmeagain

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royal blood. We were henceforth known as 
'Mi dkar len pa' which we understood translated means 'Revered White Man'.

'Doesn't cut any ice with me, mate!' I said, 'How about coughing up some readies so a few of my mates can wet the babies head?'

'I've yet to view the new addition. I strongly suspect you aren't even the father. Rosie wouldn't be stupid enough to reproduce anything in your likeness!'

'Are you saying ...

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that I am incapable of producing aforementioned Sophie, one of a long and distinguished lineage of Revoltings, of course we are now Revolting Flowers, so double barrelled, so you?'

'Flowers Revolting, old bean, Flowers.. 

Edited May 16, 2025 by itsmeagain

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Revolting. Ladies before gentlemen ... or in your case scroundrels,' he said with a sneer.

'I'm not hanging around to listen to your abuse. Most men discovering they'd been made a grandfather to a gorgeous little baby girl would be excited at the news and couldn't wait to congratulate the proud parents. But you never fail to ...

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amaze..'

A knock on Major Flowers' door. A sigh, a crumpled flurry of ill fitting blue suit, pink tie and orange braces, these last having been purchased, on the never never , or a promise of stronger spectacles to an eyeless statue, whichever one assumes best describes the situation; ie, an elderly, fading has been army man, allegedly loaded, decides to go 'prole' and scuttles around Tottenham,  looking for chic designer names relegated to charity; ' go on Elfreeda', said Flowers, one Tuesday lunch, curtains drawn ,' throw a touch of mud on my lapel, they'll never twig how much brass....

Edited May 17, 2025 by itsmeagain

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I have secreted away for a rainy day.'

'Come 'ere luv and oi'll rub sum mud all over,' Elfreeda said, giving a broad wink.

'You are naughty!' chortled Reggie, 'but I don't want my designer labels completely ruined. Just a touch here and there.'

'So luv, tell your lil ol' Effie more about your wee stash you've got hidden away.'

'Who said anything about a 'wee stash'? I'll have you know I've got ...

 

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zillions, dear one, hidden away in the attic in Millford Rd.'What number?'

'76. Call in for beef stew and dumplings one day..'

At the door was a small, insignificant female, mousy, erudite.

'Elfreeda darling do ..'

'Oh Reggie..how long it' s been since the time we  went behind Mrs Flowers' back to take a boat to Henley on Thames, eating cream buns and .....

Edited May 19, 2025 by itsmeagain

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drinking lashings of ginger beer. I felt a bit tiddly afterwards even though you said it was teetotal. You were rather naughty, if I remember rightly, but it's rather fuzzy, my head was all woozy. You always had that effect on me, made me go all weak at the knees.' She giggled    coquettishly. 'It was a pity Mrs Flowers ...

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never got the chance to sit with me and learn a few finer points of matrimonial harmony, such a shame', declared daddy, as I filmed him telling it...

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all to youtube on live-stream. I think he'd forgotten all about me or he wouldn't have been sharing such salacious details of his shady past life.

'Ooooh, tell Johnny about the time we ...'

'Johnny! Johnny! Why should I tell him anything?? He would only go and tell Rosie and she puts me on a pedestal, don't you know. I'd hate to disillusion the child.'

He suddenly seemed to become aware of my presence.

'What the dickens ...

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are you faffing with there, mean sprite?

If you try

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to record anything, there'll be trouble!'

'Too late, I've already filmed everything and it's now plastered all over the internet.'

The Major swelled up like a puffer fish, went very red in the face and spluttered and stuttered his rage.

I left, very satisfied and smug with my ...

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royally ethical endeavour.  A fitting finale, mused I, to