Continue the story.....

[itsmeagain]

soya marge, oozing from ginormous baked spuds, tofu curry with dried up fire chillis from Thailand, tea, vegan ice cream,and the mellifluous influence of Petunia, my 2nd admirer. Not that....

[poppy]

I intended any disloyalty to Rosie. But it was always nice to have some other adoring female to admire and flatter me. Rosie knew me too well now to put me on any pedestal.

I bowled in full of bounce and self-confidence, only to discover a strange and singularly unattractive male behind the counter.

'Who are you?' I demanded.

'Oh Johnny, let me introduce...

[itsmeagain]

Siegfried Palmoff, our corporate legal entrepreneur and medico legal executive, LLB, Phys Ed, BSc, MLa, I D I O T.....he really is a charming, swell, insufferably attractive old bean...'

'Hi', I said, sticking ...

Edited March 30 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

my chest out and attempting to look staunch. He grabbed my hand in a crushing grip and wrung it with the strength of a beefy washerwoman who'd spent her whole life throttling the life out of unsuspecting laundry. Trying not to wince, my voice went up an octave and I squeaked out 'How do.'

'Thiegfried likth to pop in from time to time to checkth up on uth, make thure we're not cooking the bookth,' giggled Petunia.

'Brilliant mind! Absolutely brilliant!' boomed Bunty, full of unmitigated admiration.

Siegfried didn't bother to deny this, merely inspecting his manicured fingernails and flicking an imaginery speck of dust off his sleeve.

'I weally only dwopped by to weturn a book on statuwary wights and the judicawy.'

Oh lordy, there were two of them now! How on earth did they manage to ...

 

Edited April 1 by poppy

[itsmeagain]

find such luminaries? A God fearing, ethical,all round good man, [that's me, by the way), surrounded by, well, insufferably intense buffoons..what is a guy supposed to think?

My mind turned to Donald Trump; is he trying to vaporise decent souls and turn out Siegfried and cohorts similar, for some type of fascist parlour game? Truly, I failed

[poppy]

to comprehend the depths the cheezal man will sink to!

'Must wush away, other wegulars to dwop in on. Toodle pip.' He fluttered a manicured hand and exited in a wave of nauseous after-shave.

'Where did you find Siegfried?' I asked, at a complete loss to see the attraction.

'I meth him at elocushun lethonth. You probably haven't notithed but we have slight lispths. I have trouble with etheth and he has trouble with rths.'

'Never noticed a thing, old bean!' bellowed Bunty.

I began to wonder if she ...

[itsmeagain]

was somewhat Machiavellian in intent, what with her frizzled grey curls, her lank, grey fingers, stodgy , pudgy , complexion, and overbearing manner; is Bunty really doing it all for a laugh?

' What do you want me to do?', I asked, as Petunia folded....

Edited April 2 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

flyers advertising a literary event to be held at The Cozy Book Nook and featuring Professor Pompillius Omicron, who was going to give a lecture titled Psychoanalytic Criticism of Post-structural Literary Contexts.
'Could you hand theth out to patherth by and pathe them on wallth pleath?'
'Do you think there'll be much ...

[itsmeagain]

call for esoteric  navel gazing,  in the guise of psychoanalytic literary criticism?', I asked, to be met with 

'Oh yeth there ith..you thee, the problem ith, too many of uth are immune to thothal inthercourthe, ith fine points, and the interthtitheth between Freudian conjuncthivithith, Lloydian thubjechthivithm, and microcellular cardiogram.. only..'

'Tea , everyone?', asked a man identifying himself as Barnaby Rudge, 'after all, there's only so ....

[poppy]

many literary pontifications one mere mortal can take.'

Now here was a chap after my own heart.

I thrust out my hand (which had almost recovered from Siegfreid's punishment ) and introduced myself as new employee, thoroughly sympathetic with his views and a fellow brew addict.

'Delighted to have a kindred spirit along,' he grinned. 'Biccie anyone?'

I nodded, 'What exactly,' ...

[itsmeagain]

..is your tea? Do you like Japanese cherry..a succulent tasty blend of exotic green Japanese....

[poppy]

tamaryokucha and cherry blossoms?  Full of antioxidants and Vitamins A, C and E and other health benefits.'

'I'm more of a builder's brew, myself, but each to their own,' Barnaby grinned.

'I'll try one of your cherry blothum and tamakucthery onth, Johnny,' said Petunia, fluttering her eyelashes at me, 'Thounds heavenly!'

'Load of nonsense!' declared Bunty, 'Good old strong black tea is all a body needs! Stand a spoon in it. Britain was built on it, gives a fellow a backbone, don't you know. Builds character. Can't be doing with all this namby pamby ...

[itsmeagain]

, vegan candy, fake stuff. Do what British people do best, drink tea and slag each other off when we are not together..or complain about the weather, immigrants, the state of the roads, price of a postage stamp, state of the Prime  Minister, lack of creche facilities, no bacon in Tesco today, you name it, Britain does it best. Have you heard the one about old age pensioners in Cheam having to queue so far down Glib street, they didn't get money for a bacon sarnie til 2pm...foreign visitors watched, awestruck, as UK shown up for...

Edited April 8 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

the lengths some people will go to get a bacon sarnie. Some heartless person even observed, 'Let them eat cake! Pensioners were dropping like flies! It was at least two hours since their last cuppa. That was what the problem was. I could have told them!'

It was pointless to argue with Bunty, she had one of those overbearing personalities. But for all that, you couldn't help ...

[itsmeagain]

but admire her full on fullness, her  perspicacity in telling it as it is; however, it was Petunia now determined to get my...

[poppy]

undivided attention. I hoped she wasn't going to become a problem. I could do without Rosie doing her green-eyed monster impersonation all over again.

But at this point, I needn't have worried. Rosie and new recruit Felicia were busy putting ...

[itsmeagain]

the finishing touches to a vegan Kate n Sidney pie, I asked for a mega dose of fried whole spuds ,meantime I asked for a rendition of the best Elvis Costello hit, 

Edited April 12 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Oliver's Army. They said they didn't know that one and  started singing ABBA's Dancing Queen instead.

I rolled my eyes in disgust and went off to ...

[itsmeagain]

peruse a volume of Dickens.'Grub is up', chimed Felicia, ' and as a particular treat, we welcome Jonas K Numpty, head of ecosystem endeavour at Colne Polytechnic, here to talk on the interrelationship between amounts of potato curry

eaten, and long life longevity..over to you Professor....'

'Well hellew all', smiled a skinny yet erudite, man, long grey pony tail, fiercely blue suit , winklepickers on feet,all pomp and circumstance, decidedly...

..

 

Edited April 14 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

pretentious looking. Since Felicia had joined us, she'd been organising these 'intellectual lectures,' as she called them. I called them something quite different but since they attracted a large number of paying patrons, I kept my thoughts to myself.

He waded straight into some spurious pseudo-science theory that the audience appeared to be lapping up. 

I snuck away and headed for ...

[itsmeagain]

the samosas. A choice of green 🌶 peri peri, spicy samosas, piri piri spuds with habanero sauce, carrot soufflé,  and chilled peach with cream.

A man asked, 'wares ve me@t, brav?'

'Meet for what?', said Bunty, astonished at this request about meetings, when this meeting so evidently exists, as if it ain't sufficient for these weirdo vegans. 'Meat lav, meat', said

Edited April 15 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Gunner Gibbs.

'I'm neither your bruv or your luv, but I share your disappointment with the absence of any animal protein in the fare provided. Just look at the motley assemblage here tonight! Skinny, washed-out looking lot. Probably go round hugging trees and talking to their pot plants. There's a definite whiff of pot plants about them,' Bunty sniffed.

I had to laugh. 'How did you come to be here tonight, Bunty? I thought you always went to ...

 

[itsmeagain]

biker dos, hen parties for Yorkshire lesbians, and macrame knitting classes for the over 40s', said Trev Lost, 25, a bricklayer, once of Birmingham.

'Now now watch it, sweet cheeks', said Bunty, 'or I will set his wife Rosie on yer..you'll rue the day', she said,sausage roll crumbs falling freely down her purple khaki get up, ' another thing..these hippy types do not know their literature..despite their complaints to the contrary, they only read Socialist Challenge, Spartacist, and the Guardian...'

'Socialist Challenge?', I scoffed, ' I bet you must be an oldie if you're reading that lost relic of Thatcherite Britain.'

'Oh being personal,  are we?', said Bunty, eating a bacon pie with chive mustard and a spicy hollandaise,' you'll not manage to deflect me from my aim..to rid academic bookstalls of neo Communist liberals in shorts, Che Guevara hairpieces, and flavoured lemonade..now I have work to do', and with.....

Edited April 15 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

that, she tossed her cape in a manner that would have made Puss in Boots proud.

'Do you want a hand? I'd be glad to escape all these earnest wannabe highbrows,' I said. Anything to get out of cleaning up after they'd stuffed their self-opinionated faces.

'Come along then, come along. You can help me with ...

[itsmeagain]

the separation of Tolkien from Tidsdale, Teasdale etc .... get me?

The books bucket is a bucket full of useless books . Go through it, take your pick, remember my charity in your will, and help yersen to tea, coffee, and sugar. I will be feeding and walking 2 cats, Ruffles and Duffles, both angelic tabbies, you will.....