Continue the story.....

[poppy]

of tea?' I asked. 'We've come a long way.' Which wasn't strictly true but I thought it might diffuse the situation.

'Tea times are strictly adhered to here at Rooky's, 1100 hours and 1530 hours, on the dot,' stated Mr Quidzen.  'As it is only 1050 hours, you must contain yourself until then. The same goes for comfort breaks. They must be taken in your own time or pay will be docked.'

'I don't really think this position will suit, but thank you very much,' (for nothing)',  I added under my breath.

'Johnny!' scolded Rosie, as I walked out, ...

[itsmeagain]

' do reassure me that you'll work extra hours..somewhere oh somewhere..to feed little Digbeth , growing in here', and I was amazed it's definitely a boy and how....

[poppy]

was I supposed to be feeding him at this stage of the proceedings? Rosie was really getting quite dotty. I put it down to pregnancy hormones.
'If you keep coming and vetting every job I apply for in case some female you don't approve of works there, I'll never get a job! I was perfectly happy at the Cosy Book Nook. You had absolutely nothing to worry about with Petunia, she's just a silly, scatty thing. She doesn't hold a candle to you, darling, and never could.'
'Well, maybe I was being a little bit hasty. They did pay very well there.' Rosie was certainly going through a very unpredictable and volatile phase. 'Do you think,' she said ...
 

[itsmeagain]

' you could go back and ask Tootsie if you may have your job..I'm more than willing to play Repentant Rhona, dunce's school cap on tight, almost covering eyes that are downcast..I'll even do a jig of solemn repentance to Tootsie and her erstwhile companion, Lisping Laila..it's not exactly the crime of the sodding week, I mean look at the state of our schools, now Johnno that's a crime,

..

Edited March 14 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

I think I need to keep things in perspective. I feel a bit wobbly these days, Johnny, I'm sorry if I overreact sometimes.'

'It's alright, darling, I understand.' 

'But if you're going to work there, I want Clyde back. He's on the dole and happy to do work experience so it's win win all round.'

I groaned, was it all worth it if I had to put up with that little jerk again? I decided that ...

[itsmeagain]

on balance, it was definitely worth a go. After all, admiration, from whatever quarter, is a rarity for a bloke whose only feat of macho abolility was to down 4 baked potatoes and 3 whole 🌶 chillies at a raspberry picking event in Dorwich. I mean, life and it's vicissitudes, it's sufficient to make a grown man cry... 

[poppy]

especially accompanied by three Carolina Reapers. I cried for a week (sitting on the loo with a red-hot burning rear end) after that little exploit!

'I'll just pop around to the Cosy Book Nook and see if they'll take me back. It'll be pretty touch and go, after your outburst but I'll do my best.'

Rosie looked a little sheepish, but perked up saying, 'I'll give Clyde a ring.'

Petunia and Bunty took one look at me and ...

[itsmeagain]

ran in sympathy, crying with joy. 'Oh  how do you puth up with thath? If she can leth  a man do hith own thing life will justhgeht betther and betther.. itth....'

'Morticia, do you have any clue where my handbag is?', asked a blonde woman named Carole, an apprentice dentist from Plymouth, 'I'll need to...

Edited March 16 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

find it to pay for these books.' Included in her pile were 'Love At First Bite', 'Bitten, A Steamy Vampire Romance', 'Fangs, Vampire Spy Book' and 'Something To Sink Your Teeth Into'.

'So where exactly is the practice you're working at, Carole?'

'You'll find Morticia and me down Nightshade Drive. Would you like to book an appointment?'

'No, no,' I replied quickly, 'but I know someone who might.' You wouldn't get me within 10 miles of the place! But old Padre Cross could do with his buck teeth and halitosis looking at. I'd have great pleasure in ...

 

 

 

 

 

[itsmeagain]

sending a personal recommendation for Parson Cross plus Major Reginald Q Flowers, to hold each other in an embrace for support, as both are having trouble recently and both oh so desperate for fine carnivore teeth..'

'Yeth I undathtand...and I shall perthunly enthure thath what you thay with carried out....' said Petunia, chomping raw carrot while perusing tofu curry photos on Happy Cow.

'Now this....

Edited March 17 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

recipe here ... Fusion Zucchini Blossoms with Vegan Garbanzos Bolonaise and Kimchi Slaw.'

'Mmmmm,' I said.

'What a load of old rubbish!' Bunty wasn't having any of it. 'What you need is a good steak and kidney pie with lashings of tomato sauce! Put some colour in your cheeks and some lead in your pencil. You're far too skinny, girl!'

'Oh Bunthy!' Petunia giggled.

Meanwhile, back at Chez Feline ...

[itsmeagain]

 Clyde Piper was waiting for his heroine, Rosalyn, to light up his life and kindle certain desires of a distinctly carnal aspect; oh how he loved chatting to Rosalyn about life with his mother under the stairs at Professor Razzlegrub's abode, a blanket each, two square meals daily, his mother charged with being responsible for the cut of his hair, tidying his blazer; washing dog food and baked bean stains off his shirt; such halcyon days! Oh joy of joys; he dreamt that the old Mr Degrading, once of these environs,had taken his hook and moved to Wirkelrroodsvan, a Norwegian fishing village where roasted hake on toast was a summer treat for the privileged.

Oh...Rosalyn,the poor youth cried, not...

[poppy]

holding anything back, 'How can you squander your lovely self on such a useless drop-kick? Give him the heave-ho and join me and my devoted mother in a life of bliss at Professor Razzlegrub's luxurious residence.'

'Clyde! I will NOT have you bad-mouthing Johnny! He is the future Daddy of our little bundle of joy and the love of my life. I asked you to come back because you love cats and the cats love you, but ...

[itsmeagain]

trying to usurp Johnny will get you precisely nowhere. Get it ? Or go..', she said, marching off to the kitchen , returning with a soya cappuccino but zilch for him.

' I think I'll go', he announced, head down, ' as it never rains but pours', and, at that, whisked his body out the door faster than The Sun looking for scandal. Suddenly taken aback, Rosie rang that bookshop and asked for me.

'Oh sweethy,  Johnny with powdering hith nothe, ath ith  were...shall he call you back?'

'Yes please, Petal', replied Rosie, sadly lamenting loss of the days when I was in the ranch, alongside her, feeding Toots and the Maytals, her 5 lovely kittens, with meaty provender from ...

Edited March 21 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Munchkin Morsel Munchies, a cwt kindly supplied by the company because of our considerable support for their products. As much as the kitties hoed into their tasty provender (well, I assumed it was tasty, I hadn't actually sampled it myself. It had a rather offputting odour reminiscent of wet dog, with a hint of sardine) it had the rather unfortunate effect of ...

 

 

 

[itsmeagain]

making Grandmaster Flash and his tabby sister Ethel, break wind for England, one memorable day this caused Mrs Trump of Caithness, to declare ' never did my nose suffer more trauma than today..the trumping of the two cats, at a dinner table..enough to make a woman feel sick'.

A letter to The Times, outlining why pig feet ought never be in cat food, led to swift dietary changes for Grandy and Eth, who were now having boiled carrots on dry food to stop the windy element.

'Drrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggg' went my phone. 'Rosie, it's you..?...well am just putting Tolkien into the bin..the book bin..'

'Well I just had the most annoying encounter. Clyde Piper's father, Bluenose Piper, rang and declared that we are actually legally bound to keep his daft son on , as he has a health condition..'

'Never mind..I thought you'd rehired the little twit?'

'I did , and well, 

Edited March 23 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

...well ... he wanted me to leave you and run away with him to his mother's cupboard under the stairs at a Professor Guzzlegrub's, or something equally ghastly, ramshackle hovel!'

'Did he, by the powers! The little worm! We'll soon see about that, health condition or not!'

'But Johnny, darling, what are we to do? We need extra outside money, but I need help in the cafe as well.'

'How about we ...

[itsmeagain]

go and put an advert in the local newsagent window?'

An hour later, Mark Clutcher, 32, was walking past Copy and Paste news and tobacco, when he spied, via a monocle, the following:

'0kay, cat lovers! Can you spare 20 hours weekly to assist Johnny Revolting and Rosie Flowers, in keeping our cats well fed, healthy and happy.We pay good brass so ring now. Previous experience preferred.'

Mark rang the office, Rosie said, 'yes, we are looking for a 🐈 😻 🐈‍⬛️ 😺 man to come and do his sparkling best ..it's 

Edited March 24 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

a good time for you to pop around now, if that suits.'

'Topping! I'll be there in a jiffy.'

Rosie offered him a coffee when he arrived.

'Spiffing!  A quick Dirty Chai, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle would be simply marvellous, my dear.'

Lordy! I thought, rolling my eyes, one of those!

But Rosie's eyes lit up. 'I'm an aficionado of specialty coffees myself. Come and look at my ...

[itsmeagain]

Peruvian Gold, Columbine Spice, or Brazilian King, and I am certain you'd be hooked in five...'

'I daresay, I do..and does one enjoy..reading?', said Clutcher, fiddling his blue felt hat as he spoke, ' me I just adore Jane..

[poppy]

Austen!'

'I haven't heard of her,' replied Rosie, 'Johnny's the reader round here. But I did love the books about Jane, Anne,  Dick and George. There was a dog called Timmy, too.'

'I think you'll find that was Julian,' said Clutcher, rather looking down his nose.

'No, I'm pretty sure it was Timmy,' said Rosie, frowning.

'No, Jane was Julian.' He was obviously a stickler for accuracy.

'But there were two boys and two girls! That makes three boys and one girl, four boys if you count Timmy. It wouldn't be fair to make Jane the only girl on their adventures. They'd expect her to do all the dishes, all the housework, all the ...'

This was just too good to intervene. Clutcher started tearing at his hair in frustration and ...

 

Edited March 27 by poppy

[itsmeagain]

please Rosamunde, do read the flyer for the promotional push for the Dick and George books. From memory, I quote, 'Timmy was often mistaken for a girl, such long golden tresses, so reminiscent of 1970s footballers, all skill, no brains, it is quite a false dichotomy to maintain, one one hand, that this was..

Edited March 27 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

a beautiful blond so therefore, to put it crudely, in parlance you would understand, as 'thick as a brick'.'

'Tull, I believe,' I interjected.

He ignored me.

Rosie's bottom lip came out in her sullen, obstinate look.

'Timmy was a DOG!' she muttered.

'I think, old chap,' I said giving him a hearty whack on the back, sending his monocle flying, 'you'll find we're talking Blyton here, not Hermann Hesse!'

'In that case ...

'Yes, in that case ... time you were off. Nice to meet you, sorry you're off so soon. Don't call us, we'll call you and all that jazz,' and I shot him out the door.

Our next would-be employee ...

Edited March 27 by poppy

[itsmeagain]

was Felicia Goodbye, 21, a receptionist from Barking. She wanted to know when winter begins, so that she knew when to restart her antidepressants again, ' I suffer from SAD, and it causes too much hassle..now where are these lush kitties?", and at that, began smooching and caressing paws and tails, noses and legs, as proffered by our feline companions swarming around the place.

' Tea?', asked Rosie, 'we have Assam, Darjeeling, Sleepy, ...Hyperactive Blend, Soya tea, lemon, lemongrass, King of Surinam, Nigeria special...'

'Lemongrass please..I adore tea', she said, cuddling Morticia the tabby and white, who lapped up this adoring female's love.

I presented a tray of salty peanuts, quite oily, and a box of home made chocolate biscuits ,made from cereals plus 🍒 cherries .

These went down a real storm, and soon we said hello to young Felicia as our very newest staff member.

First thing she did was to empty

 

Edited March 28 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

the litter trays, a job Rosie and I detested and always argued over whose turn it was. I had a feeling this was all going to work out well.

After my third large cup of tea, half a dozen cherry oatmeal biscuits and filling my pocket with salted peanuts, I meandered off to the Cosy Book Nook, looking forward to catching up with Petunia and Bunty. I should just about time my arrival for lunch and I let my thoughts dwell on ...