Continue the story.....

[itsmeagain]

the usual mix of absurdly amusing, graphically interesting,  massively  entertaining,  and a barrel of laughs to boot.

Boris Johnson popped onto the screen at Waterloo railway 🛤 station .

' Good aahfteenoon ladies n ginmen', he slurred, 

[poppy]

looking like a bottlebrush having a bad day. I averted my eyes, boarded my train and without further incident arrived home. Rosie was out, her note said she was checking up on Daddy (probably making sure he wasn't entertaining or being entertained by any more unsuitable floozies).

Before I could make a brew, I was mobbed by cats. 

'Hello Astrophe, hello Egory, there's a good boy Erpillar, no claws up my leg Abolic,' I cooed, whilst trying to ...

[itsmeagain]

boil spuds, make a slice of toast,read a Wikipedia entry on Tolkien,write a reading list for an essay on immigration to the UK , wash the pots, clean the kitty litter trays, empty the over full bins, tidy the living room,look for a new job to supplement my income.

While perusing Jobs Weekly, I saw an ad that suited me.

'We need someone to man..or woman..our alternative bookshop.'

Getting my phone, I swiftly rang the number.

'Helllewwww?',came the sound of 

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of a high-pitched voice.
'Cothy Lithle Book Knook here, Pethunia Clutherbuck thpeaking, how may I help you?'
'Errrr ...hello Miss...Ms ... Clutterbuck.'
'Juth call me Pethunia.'
'Ummm ... yes, I'm just enquiring about the job you have advertised.'
'When can you thart?'
'When can  I what?' I asked, rather startled.
'Thart ..thart work.'
'Oh I see. Don't you even want to ...
 

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interview me first?'

'We could do, but you thee, you thound jusht the correct thype of gentleman we are theeking..you appear inthelligenth, erudithe, perthpicaciouth to the nth degree..in facth you theem righth..we thpethalithe in anthi war, anthee imperialist, litherather....cam in and thee me...'

'OK, I must just eat a chip butty..'

'With 🌶 chilli thauth..it's amazeballs ', , she opined, 

Edited February 24, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

but my abtholute favourite ith baked potatoth with cottage cheeth and of coarth thweet chilli thauth! We makth them every day in our microwavth.'
I told her she was a kindred spirit and I'd be straight round.
Petunia was a sweet little thing,  she reminded me of Rosie and I accepted the job immediately.  
'And thith ith my right handth man,' she giggled.
A buxom women dressed in green knickerbockers, fairisle vest and scarlet tie strode forward, seized my hand in a vicegrip and shook it vigorously and rather painfully.
'Bertha,' she boomed, 'but call me Bunty. All me friends do.'
Surreptitiously massaging my crushed hand I asked about duties, hours ...

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and , above the lot, pay.

' She'll sort thee on pay, she will', declared Bunty, swigging whisky and camomile tea from a yellow hip flask,' just chillout and read a book', she said, hurling Das Kapital at me, while perusing a coverless copy of Anti Duhring herself.

' I love carrots', said

Edited February 25, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Petunia. I could see food was going to form a large part of any conversations with her. By the look of Bunty, food played a big part in her life too. I was in heaven! 

'That's nice, full of alpha and beta carotene, I believe. Great for the eyes and the old immune system.'

'I oncth had carotenemia from eathing too many,' she shared.

'Oh dear, but such a pretty colour.'

'That's whath I thought,' she giggled. 

'Now what about tea?' I asked.

'We hath Frenth Earl Grey, Breakfath, ...

 

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creme de menthe with ethenthal Chineethe oilth , Rothemary, and Dartheeling. Thoya milk ith free, we sell bithkith, thanwidges,

Edited February 26, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

and vegetarian sushi.'
'So it's a kind of book cafe, then?'
'Yeth, I'm in charge of food and Bun dosth online orderth. You can be on the counter.'
The first customer was a furtive little man who sidled up and asked for Fifty Shades of Grey ... for a friend.
Bunty overheard and boomed, 'You don't want any of that rubbish! Utter bilge. What you want is Judith Butler's Bodies That Matter.  £25.99 Johnny, ring it up and wrap it for the fellow, there's a good chap!'
'Fellow' didn't really stand a chance, he scuttled out after paying and I didn't expect ...

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he'd be back. A man of fifty came and bought 'Secrets of the Media:how they mislead us ' plus  'Sexy Black Women.'

'What's this like?', asked  a rotund bloke in a trilby, ''I would love to see the pictures.'

'Pictures? Can't you read words?', I asked, and man of fifty thanked me. 'Thanks, boss, it enfeebles my mind, these people wanting to see pictures..in one's book about Secrets ..what is the world coming to?"

Moving on,the best

Edited March 1, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

part of the day had arrived ... lunchtime. A 'CLOSED FOR LUNCH' sign was hung in the door and we retired to a kitchen out the back which was furnished with a table, comfy chairs, a microwave, small oven, fridge and other paraphernalia necessary for the preparation of gastronomic delights.

Bunty had potatoes baking, the kettle boiling and a monstrous teapot, adorned with a novelty knitted tea cosy, at the ready.

'Good ol' Yorkshire tea and cow's milk, you won't find any of that fancy muck round her!'

I winked at Petunia, who blushed.

'Plump yourself down and take the weight off!' she ordered.

I felt as if ...

Edited March 2, 2025 by poppy

[itsmeagain]

a kind of omnipresent mother 👩 figure lurked among us, I rebelled.' Well I espy soya milk, that being.my own choice and my choice is prime..gimme a touch of yer sya, Bunty, there's a good un', I said, when in ran a 

[poppy]

a rather breathless Rosie.

'I just thought I'd call in and see how you were going, Johnny.'

'This is my ...my... wife, Rosie,' I explained. She gave me a sideways look but didn't correct me. 

'I'm Bertha, but everyone calls me Bunty,' she boomed, 'sit your bum down and have a cuppa.'

'And I'm Pethunia. Johnny didnth tell me he wath married!' She sounded a little ...

 

 

[itsmeagain]

nonplussed, adding' lucky girl, thuch a handthomme bloke, not a bit rudimentary nor rude; profethanull to a t, obthethed with thpudth, liketh chilli thauth, he'th....

Edited March 3, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

justh perfecth!'

'Johnny, can I have a word in private, please?' asked Rosie. We went outside.

She explained that while she encouraged me to have other interests outside the cat cafe, now she was pregnant she really needed extra help. If I was going to work elsewhere, she'd have to employ someone again and she was considering asking Clyde Piper to come back.

'What!! That slimy little worm?!!' I shouted.

Bunty poked her head out the door, 'Steady on old chap, you'll frighten the horses!'

'Well it's up to you, but ...

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you know I love books..'

'Who is the lisping librarian?', she asked, bitterness coursing...

[poppy]

through her voice.
'You mean Loony Petunia? Don't you worry about her, she's a bit of a bird-brain, but she pays well. You know we could do with the extra money.' This was rather unkind to Petunia and quite untrue, but a green-eyed Rosie was a gasket-blowing Rosie and to be avoided at all costs.
Unfortunately, Petunia was listening to our conversation through a crack in the door. She came bursting out and ...

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said,  ' now I am a lady of even temperament, I really like the cuth of your hubby's jib, so , honey bun, Johnny please  Johnny., remember the facth of my rebellion againsth bouthwois social norms...come..operathive word..to the Rosa Luxemburg boudoir at my flath .in 3....hours, and you are going...

 

Edited March 8, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Rosie inflated like an irate little puffer fish.
'You ... you ... shameless little hussy! How dare you proposition my husband! And under my very nose! Johnny, that's it, we're leaving now, right this very minute!'
'But what about my potato and cuppa? I haven't had my lunch yet!'
She quelled me with a look and I reluctantly followed her. It was turning out to be a stink day, my dream job down the gurgler and deprived of a beautiful baked spud. Enough to make the most optimistic mouth and waggiest tail droop.
I waved dejectedly to Bunty and shook my head sadly at Petunia. Maybe I could ...

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visit her another time, of course by necessity only. The choice though..two delightful educated women both liking me..is this a dream? Reality is I never had been a success where the female populace were concerned,  a total flop was putting it mildly..still, Rosie was angry. ' You louse..you snake..carousing with a lisping librarian in some 2 bit bookshop, you'd better...

Edited March 8, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

forget about ever going there again! If I find ...'
And the tirade went on. I switched off at this stage and let my mind wander to happier things. I don't suppose there was anything to stop me baking a couple of spuds when I got home and we had a good supply of cottage cheese, sweet chilli sauce and spring onions ... I cheered up. I put Rosie's irascibility down to raging pregnancy hormones and let it all flow over my head. Maybe I could find another book store seeking employees. In fact, ...

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A quick check on my Android showed I was only 0.3 miles from Rooky's Rickety Reads, visits encouraged, especially if one likes birds. I feed half the bird population of my area a solid diet of nuts, seeds, dried worms, and other morsels, ' I am visiting Rooky's Rickety Reads', I announced. 

'So am I', she said, and so...

Edited March 9, 2025 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

off we trotted together. 

'I need to vet the other staff if you're applying here. You're too open to flattery, Johnny. You mustn't encourage flirty girls, they're little minxes with their great big eyes and lispy ways.'

I wasn't aware that I'd done any encouraging, and I was  sure Petunia actually had quite squinty eyes behind her horn-rimmed spectacles.  But it was no use arguing, I just said, 'Yes dear, I'll remember that in future,' and let my mind wander again. It was unfortunate that birds and cats ...

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don't get on.

Mr Quidzin, 43, an ex Army mechanic from Somerset,  was deputy manager.' Now I want to discuss staff with you', declared Rosie, a fearsome gleam in her eye, ' as HE is open to flirting..have you any MALE staff?', she asked, ' or is it all young floozy types, the one pint and am yours..'

' Kindly refrain from slander and accusations ', said Mr Quidzin, ' for a lovely girl, it's somewhat unbecoming..now let's commence after 3..1..2...3'

'Can I get a cup