Continue the story.....

[poppy]

we could make room for you.'

'Sorry, we're completely booked up, I'm afraid. Too bad, so sad, never mind.'

'Johnny! I'm sure we could fit one more in, after all Jack has kindly helped us out of our predicament.'

'Ahh, doing it for free are you Jack? Very generous of you. Rosie, you better go and see how Daddy's getting on with the hospital, he sounded a bit overwrought. You know, with his blood pressure and all.'

'Oh, dear Daddy! I've been neglecting him!' and she rushed off.

'Now look here, Weldit, I'll have you know ...

[itsmeagain]

 your plumbing is not required. Our plumbers are Botchitt and Leakie, a new duo down from Aberdeen so leave..', and he did, and unpaid too. The audacity of the geezer was astonishing,  he had the gall to .....

[poppy]

march in here uninvited, shove his tools under our noses and start flirting with Rosie! I suspect he had some nefarious purpose in mind, I'm not falling for that trick!

I put a quick call in to Botchitt and Leakie, but unfortunately they were tied up in some legal proceedings ... professional negligence or something.

We really needed our loo problem fixed or we wouldn't be able to open, not to mention the inconvenience of trekking a km or so every time nature called. I looked up the yellow pages and found ...

[itsmeagain]

Arthur Pound, in Brixham. Arthur had been to Everest, trying to find the wedding ring lost by one of Ed Hilary' s blokes in 1953 or something,but instead of that, Arthur found a new zest for life, learned how to make momos, and could regale his grandkids to be, with this feat, until about,..2035 ish..? 

'Arfur Pound, plammer, ello?',came the plaintive,weedy voice down the receiver.

Two hours later, a small, mousy 50 something bloke arrived, and seemed badly in need of two things..a haircut , and a toilet. 

'Oim basstin fer a bog moit so oi spose oid better arry ap n fix vis ven shall oi?' 

Disgusted, I walked off  only to find daddy and Rosie whispering in the kitchen.

'We were just talking....

[poppy]

about the difficulties you seem to be having with tradesmen,' said Daddy. 'I ... well, we think, actually, that it indicates some deep seated psychological problem, possibly a borderline personality disorder or pathological jealousy? These kinds of things usually stem from childhood, you know, perhaps father was a drain layer or a boilermaker or even a mechanic and you took a dislike to his dirty and smelly overalls?  Now I have had some experience in treating these disorders and I would like to help you.'

'What an absolute lot of rot! My father ...

[itsmeagain]

himself was a respected counsellor, Hildebrand J Revolting, and he taught me all I need to know about psychology,  thank you.

If you think you're going to bedazzle me with quackery,  you're mistaken.  All the henchmen....'

'Roight moit, that's me dan.. she wazzen a taff job really..jass a removal of a brolly fram an S bend..vats 1 paand 56 ploise',  implored Arthur, hand outstretched.  ✋️ 

Staggered, I gave him a fiver instead. 

' Moit, oi....

Edited January 3, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

'm 'appy to 'elp any toime. Jus' giv me a ring on tha blower.'

'Will do, mate!' Here was one reliable tradesman, at least and not a single flirtatious or saucy comment directed at Rosie. 'Can you recommend any other tradesmen of a similar ilk to you? We've found recent ones to be thoroughly unreliable and frankly quite dodgy.'

'Personally,' said Daddy, 'I've had no problem with any of them. Culpa mendacium apud te!'

'I'm not interested in your medicine, Major, along with your psycho babble! Would you please just ...

[itsmeagain]

let myself plus your esteemed, estimable, established, daughter,  get on with running 🏃‍♀️..'

'..talking of running..the council  have been notified, about the food poisoning here recently..the hospital have told them..expect..'

'The expected..', said I, suddenly worried that this issue...

[poppy]

might come back to bite us in the posterior.

I decided to grab the bull by the horns, as if were, and ring the Brixham City Council.

'Revolting here, Jonathan Algernon Revolting. I'm just ringing concerning a complaint I believe you've had regarding a food poisoning outbreak at our premises? We have traced it to our chef who, behind our backs, was not following health and safety guidelines. His employment has since been terminated and the whole kitchen has been thoroughly disinfected and fumigated.'

'Thank you for contacting us Mr Revolting, but you do realise ...

[itsmeagain]

that if we have anymore. '

'Yes I will be exposed in the press like a dangerous criminal. '

'And rightly so..did you know, in London, 400 premises a year  fail an inspection.  Mr Revolting,  we shall be unannounced visiting you on October  8 next year..we will not be telling you the date..'

OK.'

[poppy]

I made a mental note that Brixham City Council employees weren't the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree so it shouldn't be too hard to worm our way out of any future complaints.

Right, time to get back to more important issues. I went looking for ...

[itsmeagain]

Philbert, desirous, as I was, of having...

[poppy]

a chat to him about the now vacant position of Head Chef.

Philbert was an interesting character who fancied himself as a bit of a hipster. His luxurious beard was neatly trimmed and he wore his moustache handlebar style. The particular thing going for him was that he was heavily tattooed on every piece of visible skin. Rosie HATED tattooes. He had trained under the great ...

[itsmeagain]

Marilyn Manson, followed bands like  Death by Fire , Snakeshit Aspirin, and Loafing..  

[poppy]

, another big plus as Rosie only liked classical music, with a little rap thrown in. I needed to find out more about his chef training. He might be able to pull the wool over Daddy and Rosie's eyes by saying he'd trained under the 'great Marilyn Manson' but I'm not that wet behind the ears. I knew ...

[itsmeagain]

, for instance, he didn't know the difference between  an eggs Benedict and a beggars banquet, probably also knew nothing of the practice or practise conundrum,  and I bet he valued Stork margarine over Flora. His name, Philbert, is odd, and my oh my, his sartorial skills and....

[poppy]

manners were something to behold. I hoped he wasn't the kind of chap who was forever checking his hair in the mirror and applying some kind of highly perfumed stinky pomade.

Anyway, putting his affectations aside, it was time to test his culinary skills.

'Mate, I'd like you to make me a perfect mille-feuille; eggs florentine with two beautifully cooked poached eggs, and a   birthday cake with chocolate ganache. You have ...

[itsmeagain]

two hours 43 minutes 54 seconds, starting...now...'.

I stood looking at him.

'Boss..what's the urgency?', he asked, cutting a carrot 🥕 with a sharp knife,  smiling laconically as he declared, ' the best chef is a chilled chef, and Rosie agrees.'

'Oh she does now..??'

''And she probably agrees that you are a....'

Edited January 13, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

bit of a control freak.'

This obviously wasn't going to work out.

'OK, Phil-butt. Well leave it there, I think. Don't call us, we'll call you.'

'But...but ...'

I hustled him out the door.

Maybe I could take over the catering! It seemed near impossible to hire suitable staff. How hard could it be?? After all, I could make a mean mashed spud and who ...

[itsmeagain]

in their right mind would dislike roast taties, bubble n squeak, and a side of cabbage?  Thinking I was onto something here, I prepared to rejoice ,telling Rosie all about Philbert and his rank misdemeanours.

Rosie was not, however,...

[poppy]

so keen about the new menu. She wanted ...

[itsmeagain]

asparagus chops, cauliflower florets, and cabbage based croutons, indeed, she asked that I grate....

[poppy]

d all the ingredients by hand. It was a small price to pay for her happiness and in time she might weaken and allow me to use our new Shreddy Mercury Multi-purpose dicer/shredder/grater with the powerful 2000W motor and the variable speed pulse. When I enquired why I must do it by hand, she replied that the supersonic sound it made when in action, frightened the cats and they went around, for several hours later, with their ...

[itsmeagain]

tails low among the back legs, noses tapping the  floor superciliously,  backs furtive, low hanging, compressed, neat , and feline.

One cat, a black boy  named Tibbs, was of the notion that the world price of fish merited.. ...

[poppy]

a strong protest from the feline community. Because of the exorbitant prices, their Friskies Fishy Fillet a la Fugu were now a luxury. They planned to show their dissatisfaction by ...