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watches for sale. '*&@%$$ off' I swore at him and, pulling my coat tighter around me, walked off into the rainy nightmare. So much for rest and relaxation I thought. Never mind, if I remember rightly there's a very nice Choke and Puke not far from here and I'll be able to get out of the rain at least. Sure enough, just round the corner Cheryl Choke and Patty Puke had opened, and then exended since my last visit, an all night eating establishment selling everything in the way of potato with accompanying side dishes and much in the way of hot, sweet builder-strength tea. Just what I needed! Taking off my wet coat and Fedora hat (which I had clearly acquired surreptitiously from somewhere, probably Flora's, and was convinced that it would not re-Fedora itself) I settled into a high backed settle and perused the menu. Sheryl and Patty liked their establishment to be well heated so it wasn't long before I was dry, my coat was dry and to my astonishment, the Fedora not only dried but did indeed re-Fedora itself. The potato fare was absolutely exceptional. Very soon I was feeling very happy indeed, having regained my former bath-time relaxation. Then I remembered why it was so difficult to leave Scotland. I sighed and opened a newspaper, then .......................

Edited by lunababymoonchild
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the physique I was aiming for if I was to keep the fair Pythagoras. Which suddenly made me realise I hadn't had any contact with her for hours ... or was it days? It was all becoming a blur. I decided to call her immediately.

'Wha... WHO?' a bleary voice answered. Then 'Do you know what bloody time it is!!?' she shrieked.

I looked nervously at my watch ...

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and realised that it was still in the early hours of the morning. Then I realised that Pythagoras did not know where I was. Or for that matter, I didn't know where she was. Was that a man's voice in the background, albeit sleepily, asking what was going on, in an angry tone? I decided that I didn't want to find out so hung up and switched off the phone. Just as I did so the potato dish was served and, fattening or not, potatoes were altogether more important, I decided. Besides which, it wasn't the potatoes themselves that were fattening it was the lashings of fattening accompaniments that lead to weight gain and, still hungry, I neither cared about putting on weight or the admittedly lovely, Pythagoras. I was warm, dry, eating my very favourite dish and with another man-size mug of hot sweet tea I was blissfully happy (and that's all it took, I thought).  Just as I was settling down to digest my very marvellous and favourite meal ............

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go over there and try to read up about his travels there. Then again, he loved USA, Italy and France, perhaps I can go and see some sights. 

I love to travel, those bus journeys I had in India, the ...

Suddenly I remembered the small suitcase of books I still carried with me. If I play my cards correctly, Patty Puke may like Dickens.

'I saaayyy dear', I ventured, waving like Ollie Hardy summoning a 'garçon ',yet sounding like some old fogey from the House of Lords trying to clear his throat, 'but do you enjoy Dickens..?..'

What happened....

Edited by itsmeagain
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next was astonishing. Patty didn't bother to look up but the man in a pink and lavender overcoat and incongruous looking scarlet turban (how did I miss him in this establishment?), sidled up to me again in the same creepy way he did the last time. 'Dickens, you say?' he asked. 'Show me what you've got' he said without waiting for an answer. What to do? Scream loudly to scare him off for a second time or attempt to sell him the valuables? And was he asking to see the books? Then ...........

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he made a clumsy lunge at my suitcase, but I was too quick for him. With the reflexes of a pronghorn, I lashed out with my mashed tatties and emptied the contents of my cuppa over his incongruous red turban. Dye formed interesting rivulets down his sly face. He let out a wail, 'Just look at the state of my coat!' Personally, I thought a bit of spud improved his look, but ...

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revulsion is in the eye of the beholder.

I struggled to think of anyone more repulsive looking than Mr Incongruous,  but I couldn't.  Boris Johnson was a prime candidate, with his fat bulbous face, inane grin, and obnoxious twit demeanour,  but even he couldn’t take the award here.

'All I wanted was a look at your..err.goodies', he shrugged, a sly, shady smile on his tea stained, ugly, face. 'I'm disabled ', he informed me, 'and a key board member of our disabled rights....

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movement.'

'Really. Well, what doesn't kill you only disappoints me.'

My sarcasm was obviously too much for him and he slunk off into the night, dislodging potato bits as he went and leaving a trail of red stained tea leaves. A furtive looking dog followed him enjoying the unexpected windfall.

I fell back into pondering. Who won the stakes for most imbecilic leader ... Bojo or the Tangerine Trumpet? I thought I'd ask Patty. She ...

 

Edited by poppy
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said , 'eh..?..you what love..? 

Oh I've no time for politics, I've enough on running this place..so what are you ordering next?..we have pistachio ice cream, lentil and mushroom pie, potato curry, vegan sausage soufflé, apple meringue,  chocolate digestives, samosa sarnies, bananas, oranges, apples, legumes of all kinds, crusty bread, and fried chips.'

 

'Do you want   a Thomas Hardy?', I plaintively...

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asked.

'Wots a Thomas 'ardy luv? Is that Cockney slang for a bit o' argy-bargy like?'

I gave up and ordered a potato curry and a large helping of chips. 'Do you do mushy peas, I could go a nice bit of mushy peas ... and another big mug of tea, please, make it hot and sweet?'

I'd have to come up with another plan to sell my books, but never mind, in the meantime ...

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I ate the repast in front of me and decided to take a stroll down along the Thames, my haversack packed with unsold books, and it was nice to see boats, barges, even a yacht, out on the water. What an excellent day it was. 

Sometime around 4pm a sweet tabby cat 🐈  began wandering about ahead of me , and she came up to.me and I gave her a few bits of dry cat food I often carry in a container for such emergencies. She purred happily.

Jezebel,  I decided to call her. Then a call came through.'Mr Revolting, howdy it happens to be the day after the day after the day I agreed to meet you in your house, and there I was like a div, ringing the doorbell, no answer, til a man answered, claiming to be you. He had the most fetching multicoloured ponytail type thing going..' 

'Is that you, Bob Gallstone..?, I enquired, trying to recall his....

Edited by itsmeagain
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accent and the sound of his voice. Not to mention his angle, I felt that he always had an angle and I wasn't going to like it. 'No, it's not Bob Gallstone' the other voice said in a rather hurt tone. 'It's Pythagoras, I have a cold' She explained. Oh good grief! Pythagoras, not what I wanted at that precise moment in time. Why had I switched my 'phone on? And more to the point, how did I get from Cheryl Choke and Patty Puke's excellent all potato establishment in Wigtown to the side of the Thames? I must be losing my mind, I decided, when ................ 

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pub down a seedy looking side street. What on earth made me think there'd be prospective Hardy readers or collectors inside these squalid walls is beyond me now. I can only put it down to a bad case of dyspepsia caused by my over indulgence at Patty's and subsequent softening of the brain. I ordered a sarsaparilla and looked around for somewhere to sit. Over in the corner ...

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sat an old man known as Bodger Hardman, Bodger cos he was a handyman of high repute, Hardman since he was very tough. Indeed, his brash, angry demeanour  belied a sweeter temperament, namely a liking for the works of Daphne du Maurier, sipping Cabriolet, and listening to punk rock. He saw my bag of books..

Edited by itsmeagain
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Hi Poppy and itsmeagain. I'm not feeling well so I'll bow out of this, temporarily, as inspiration (if I ever had any!) has deserted me and I don't feel like struggling with it. 
 

WILL be back, sooner than later (it's nothing serious, just feeling a bit meh). Please carry on in the meantime without me, I very much look forward to seeing where the story goes.

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