Continue the story.....

[poppy]

away in his offshore bank accounts? Not to mention the pile of readies he keeps under his mattress, he can bloody well afford to finance his own trips!'

'Johnny! Please don't use profanities. After all Daddy's done for us! And how do you know about his money under the mattress??'

Because, dear reader, I'd had a good fossick around the old fossils premises on several occasions and helped myself to the odd tenner or three, but I certainly wasn't going to tell Rosie about that!

'Just a wild stab in the dark, precious, it's the kind of thing dear Daddy would do. I'm really hurt that you'd rather have Daddy or Fiona as your travel companion, than me.'

'Well, Johnny, I've just been feeling lately that ...

 

[itsmeagain]

daddy hasn't had the rub of the green..at times you seem to ..mhfhjggd craaaaccckllee..hiss..granted and I think its not on..bbbbbvvvvvxzcraaacklekkkjsssaa..Will you?'

'Yep ..'

'Oh Johnny Revolting, I knew you'd see sense..after all, it's scarcely every day a man, mid senescence as he is so indubitably,  gets to see wonders like The Hirohito Palace, the Kwonzabahino jewels, the Mitsubishi Mantras, and the Quartz lullaby office...he'll be.. '

'Just a sodding minute woman', I intoned, my hair now...

Edited March 3, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

standing on end and instantaneously going grey, 'I wasn't agreeing to anything for your father!'

'Sorry, Johnny, ...fttzz ...skpppt ... you're breaking ....jtwak ...up again. I'll ring Daddy and ... ybbber ...him.'

'Nooooooo!!' I shouted, but too late.  She'd hung up.

There was only one thing to do ...

[itsmeagain]

so, in a call to my esteemed bank, I made it really clear that I was not allowing any money to leave my account, to a Major Flowers, since I felt it was highly audacious of that man, to simply take take take, when people in Dar es Salaam for instance,  were struggling with issues around poverty and misery. Never ones to oblige, the bank.....

Edited March 4, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

in this instance broke a habit of a lifetime, and went completely along with my wishes.

'Let me make it patently clear, Mr Revolting, that under no circumstances can anyone, including yourself,  withdraw any funds, whatsoever, from your account. In fact we've written to you on numerous occasions to apprise you of the fact that your balance is critically overdrawn and this must be rectified forthwith. We would like to see you in our office first thing Monday morning.'

Well, one silver lining, at least, in life's little stratocumuli ...

 

[itsmeagain]

of cumulo nimbus, rain drenched white wisps of air and water.

So when Rosie rang up again, at 2pm as I was sipping soya chai through a silver straw, I was happily aware....   

[poppy]

that for once I'd get my own way.

'Darling,' I said, in my most syrupy voice, 'to use dear Daddy's  parlance, there's been a little convexity in life's thoroughfare, I'm afraid.'

'What are you talking about, Johnny? Daddy would never speak like that!'

'Well, to put it bluntly, not putting too fine a point on it, things being as they are... the nitty gritty of the situation is ...'

'Johhny, get to the point, I'm nearly out of minutes.'

'We haven't got the readies to donate to Daddy's gallivants.'

'Whatever do you mean? Our account had a very healthy balance when I left! Where has it all gone?'

 

 

Edited March 8, 2024 by poppy

[itsmeagain]

'Sweet, God, please believe me' , I whispered into the crackly ether , like a stressed teacher found out for philandering by his Mrs, in a BBC drama, 'but truly, dear Rosie, I am in ..financal shhhhhhh, and..well I owe money to..my bank, my ex, my ..'

'Johnny, do talk sense..the business is doing OK..'

'I am not though..when we met I only had 7 quid to my entire name. '

'Oh Crikey Johnny, you really... 

 

Edited March 8, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

take the cake! You're supposed to have sold all those valuable books you claim to have. What's happening about that, for goodness sakes?'

Rosie certainly wasn't the pushover I took her for when I first met her. What had happened to my sweet, agreeable, biddable wee girl? In retrospect, after a time, this seemed to happen with all my girlfriends. I really felt it was a major flaw in the female of the species. No constancy, a tendency to develop an unattractive firmness of the jaw, along with a digging in of the toes.

'Dearheart, as you've left me to single-handedly run our demanding business, all by myself, alone, on my tod, I have absolutely no time for any outside business deals.'

'Don't be ridiculous, Johnny, you have ...

[itsmeagain]

a stache of cash,  and by Jove, sonny Jim, am I about to find...'

I hung up the blower , tired and wilting from

 

[poppy]

overwork, stress and the heavy burden of responsibility.

Tea was the order of the day ... hot, sweet, strong tea. And preferably accompanied by custard creams, if that little minx Dolly hadn't found and eaten all my secret hoard!

I'd just settled down with my cup that cheers when who should walk in but ...

 

[itsmeagain]

Parson Victor Cross, 43, a minister of oour Lord since 2009.

'I was just wondering if the local deprived youngsters may come and have a look', he said, his goofy teeth, thin arms, and academic demeanour  giving him a quite odd aspect all told. 'Well it all depends on....

Edited March 11, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

how many, how well behaved they are ... you know, any nasty habits like pinching things, peeing on loo floors, kicking cats etc ... and how much you're willing to pay for the privilege?'

'Well, I was rather hoping, ours being a charitable group and all, you could see your way clear to waiving any charges at this time. I assure you, the boys are very well behaved, they adore cats and have been rigidly toilet trained. Of course we will pay the usual fees for tea and cake. It would be very good good publicity, you know. I have a good friend, Peregrine Farquhar-Smythe,  who ...

[itsmeagain]

started Sudan's 🇸🇩 first ever orphanage,saved a cat from death by timely  vet bill payment for a woman named Celia, and formed a Facebook group, tin clogs your area, which was a cheap shoe shop for..'

A ring of the doorbell.

'PC Colin Foxglove, sir. We wondered if you can attend an ID parade? See, we got a suspect for a knife crime in Southwark,  and we thought a bloke like you.. '

'No but our worthy Vicar will', I said, quickly shuffling to the kitchen, tea and soya milk ....

Edited March 13, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

at the ready for my next cup of tea.

'It will indeed be a pleasure!' gushed the worthy Parson Cross. 'Always happy to assist the constabulary and their fight against the rising tidal wave of crime. If you will just wait one moment ...' and he shot out the door and was soon back with around thirty boys.

'If I can just leave this lot with you, dear Mr Revolting, I will return to collect them forthwith.'

My mouth was still hanging open in astonishment when he and the cops beat a hasty retreat.

A more mottley assortment of pestilences I'd never seen! All chewing gum, slouching against walls, one had a slingshot and looked like he was about to take out some fellows eye and another was handing around cigarettes.

'Right you lot! ...

 

[itsmeagain]

....leave what you're doing, and listen.

We are not here to mess about, you are all going to make a money contribution to the cats' welfare..and now..get emptying the litter trays.'

Marching stridently towards the kettle, I sipped strong tea, while our motley crew of no goods worked hard, tidying, spraying furniture polish, washing cupboards,  etc, so good was....

Edited March 14, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

their work, that I decided to hire them.

'Well done lads! Would any of you be interested in after school and weekend work? I'll pay £4 an hour and tea breaks thrown in.'

'Getta grip, moite! The mini mum's £5.28 and we ain't working for nothing under £6. Yous seen how us works, we're worth it!'

English proficiency was obviously not a necessity when it came to street savvy.

I thought for a moment ...

[itsmeagain]

, I mean, Molly isn't so excellent and is  on 11.44 per hour. ' Lads, am taking 8 of yeez on..11 notes an hr, evenings..write yeez names on this ya bit o paper, know am sayin bruvs?', I intoned,  sounding like a streetwise bruv from London rather than a manager. An undignified scramble for pens ensued, during which  Benjy Bent, 13, of Southall,apparently pushed Noah Cant, 12, from Ealing, who in turn spilled cold water on Cuddles the tuxedo tabby, and then Cuddles hissed at Puddles the tuxedo black n white, who spat at  Buddle the orphan ginger , 🫚 who swiped at  me, I then sent all the boys packing, 8 of them brandishing tenners as they departed. 

An hour or 4 later, Parson Cross, a veritable and true believer, rang the doorbell. 

' Well, the Good and Most High, esteemed, privilege bestowing Light, saved me, Revolting...girl identified me, dear Lord, but oh..in thy beneficence I tust , and the police said she's a useless clown, we are gonna ensure Martin Thickhead, 43, from Edlingham, is getting stitched up for this, come what may. I say, how tidy it is..where are the delinque.....err boys?, he asked, taking out a  cigar and a box of matches.    

Edited March 15, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

I looked at him aghast. 'I didn't think vicars smoked cigars! Have you got a spare?'

'Certainly. It's a little hobby of mine, collecting fine Cuban cigars. After all, what was good enough for Winnie, is good enough for me. My favourite is the Montecristo, but the Trinidad Esmeralda comes very close in my humble opinion. It all depends on your tastes whether it be sweet, nutty, leathery, tangy, citrusy, floral, honeyed, spicy, woody, fruity ...'

By this stage I was glazing over. I inexpertly lit the cigar, puffed in and out rapidly, inhaled deeply, and had a apoplectic coughing fit.

Parson Cross thumped me on the back, which only made matters worse.

'You're supposed to cut the end, Mr Revolting!' he said, rather aggrieved, 'and you NEVER inhale!'

I ground the nasty, smelly thing out in the dregs of my teacup.

'Well really!' spluttered the Parson, 'I mean to say ...

[itsmeagain]

..one was merely attempting to help..were the boys any ..I say, you wouldn't possess a chocolate digestive or 8, old chap..? ..I.mean it's the work of the Lord, delivered free, free, by God's own hand, to all..however, a  man of humble taste and opinions, like my good self, gains a taste for fine foods, cheap, of course, and one would never assume to....'

Giving him plain biscuits , rich tea, deliberately hiding the chocolate, I wondered why.....

[poppy]

I had to put up with so many pillocks. How I missed Rosie, she was so good with people, with her charming and winning ways she could convince the most truculent to co-operate and had boundless patience with sops like Cross. Admittedly, there were times when I felt she was a little over-friendly with young Lotharios and I'd had cause to have a few words, but generally I'm happy to be hard at it behind the scenes and leave the public relations to her. I wonder when she'll be home.

'Arr humm ... are you listening to me?' Pastor Cross had been wittering on apparently.

'Not particularly, I really must ...

[itsmeagain]

confess..my conversion to a multifaceted, full on  combo of Communism, Islam, and anarchosyndicalism, was smooth,concise and true as an arrow..'

 

The old parson ran so fast , it was like Matt Hancock hearing the word 'truth', indeed if....

Edited March 17, 2024 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

he'd run any faster he'd have stood a good chance of beating Usain Bolt! I didn't expect to see him again but I hoped his charges would return, they'd got through a pile of work that had been falling on my stooped and overburdened shoulders.

There was enough time now for me to take a break so I reclined my lazy boy, put my feet up and took forty winks.

I was in the middle of a very pleasant dream where ...

 

[itsmeagain]

no work existed, people not dying of malnutrition in England, and cups of tea hung on palm trees in Sheffield.  A knock on the window later, 

[poppy]

and I nearly shot perpendicularly out of my La-Z-Boy. Fortunately, wisdom prevailed and I managed to remain seated. I didn't believe in wasting energy needlessly.

'What do you want?' I yelled, unable to make out who it was. I really must get one of the workers onto cleaning the windows. They were in a deplorable state. I couldn't be expected to do everything round here!

'Yoohoo!' a voice called ...