itsmeagain

in came Officer Zilch,

so I rang Out of the Frying Pan, a greasy spoon delivery service in Clapham. I ordered 200 beef patties on bread, to be sent immediately to Pompous Our Lord of Holy Fathers, Bugle Rd, London. Cash on delivery..all 700 quid..from my esteemed colleague and friend, Victor Cross, Parson extraordinaire. Three hours 1 minute later, a furniture van turned up at the parson' s church. It was now 8pm and no one seemed to be around. Fred Fallacious, 43, a driver from Surbiton, knocked, no reply. Eventually he got hold of Victor's wife, Petunia, an ex administrator for a team of bucket manufacturers in Shoreditch,who met the parson while dreaming about marigolds in a Starbucks in Salop. ''Ere brav, oive a tan a bladdy beef burgers ere an I wanssum offa me ands,ya get me? Get daan ere naa..' Trusting in the beneficence of the Lord, Parson Victor felt it would be gratis, a gift from God. ' Awfully kind of you, I'll be there in 5..toodle oo', and at that, the driver just tipped the burgers onto the porch,stood laughing, and awaited our dear man of the Lord to grace us..

tax inspectors, five golden

sadden her profusely...now chop chop Vicar.. ' Three hours 43 minutes, and 12 seconds later, a huge tipper truck, yellow in colour, arrived I heard a crash and many thuds, as half a ton of cat litter was opposed onto the cat cafe courtyard. ' What in God's holy name.

slush puppy consumed simultaneously

what's more, we are running out of cat litter..I'll ring the Vicar and ask about that lorry load that overturned a week ago' ..''Oh Johnny, yes, and ask for it free..every little helps..' ''Parson, it's me...' 'Oh..Disgusting, what a surprise..' 'Revolting..Johnny Revolting..' 'Old chap don't be rude..'' 'I want a half ton of cat litter free, you promised me last week..can you arrange..?'

'Oh didn't I say....? He took a walk along the Thames..saying he likes a good constitutional, this gent..if you see him, do send my regards, and whatever ails him, shall certainly pass. ' Hoping never to see him again, I poured myself strong tea and slurped it with gusto,and

cousin Benson, a bloke...

library, Soraya sought out

his dear daughter, Rosie Flowers. ' Yes now, what what..I say, I am in a spot of bother down here in the police 🚔 station and, oh Rosalyn, daddy requires assistance from you if one be rash enough to ask for it..I was in a brothel, only I thought brothel meant a German type soup den, a bit like in Schopenhauer' s cult classic, Essen di zuppen, lower der reason.' If you ain't a clue, read German lit..Next minute, PC Bulldog and PC Rottweiler, carry me out, moi still protesting my innocence, ' oh it's a den of vice, I come down on Boxing day each year, confessed. Bulldog..and I..Rosalyn..? Are you..? ' 'OMG daddy..what on earth..

'now I do caution you, in the name of the Higher One, that all or any references to homosexuality, or any such, will lead you to be ..' 'Hom..?..no, I think..OK, lemme say I love a good shindig like any bloke..Madame Cruella on Shoreditch, is my go to..' 'How dare you.. 😤 may I have her name and address? Such reprehensible conduct will be wiped out..', said Major F, writing name and number down , before declaring, ' now Vicar, don't tell my daughter but am off to tell Madame I am ringing the police..-'. Checking he had his bank card, he dialled.. ''Hello, Cruella house', said a camp, hoarse, whispering presence,

he used the John....

ageing servicemen such as you..I feel ...' ''God's sakes man,do take off those diabolical cuffs..I am not associating with you unless you let my neighbour cut them off. Let me give him a bell...Hank..yes it's me Major..bring the bolt cutters..I've a vicar in handcuffs and don't want to cause any unwanted attention..' ' I'll be right over', declared Hank,carrying a

chimpanzee trainer, shrimp teacher,

'that the benefits of rigidly adhered to Tai Chi, 4 times a week, with two seshes on each 3rd Sunday, shall assist me in counteracting the wear and tear of everyday life..?' The parson cautioned against Tai chi, ' one cannot trust the heathen nations, especially the Communists..only last week your dear son in law espoused a fearful mix of Stalinised Marxian economics, rehashed Sufi Islam, and Proudhonesque anarchism...I felt so aghast I reached for the Anadin immediately. Never mind. Give Jesus a try..' ' I am , dear parson, somewhat prone to giving Jesus a try.. as for that man, he's no son in law of mine. I will again ask the police to take action..I say, Vicar, you still have your handcuffs on..my neighbour Reg Bullblock, a personal trainer, sawed mine off..' 'Well you see it's a rather delicate scenario old bean..the Old Bill lost track of me.....