Frankie Reads 2010

[frankie]

Ooh, I didn't know there were others! Somehow I think my wish list will be expanding further in the near future.

 

Hehe

 

Haha. You know I want to see it! Consider this my official request.

 

Consider it considered! We still have only three requests though. 2 more to go.

[Kylie]

Consider it considered! We still have only three requests though. 2 more to go.

 

<clears throat> Ahem! My name is...Donald...and I would like to request your turd story, if you would be so kind as to post it. Kylie has been extremely kind to let me post this under her name because I'm only new to the forum and haven't worked everything out yet.

[Chrissy]

Dear Miss Frankie, Chrissy has been ever so kind to lend me her account so that I may humbly request the 'turd' story. Thank you.

 

 

*runs away thinking "She'll never guess!"*

[Weave]

I'm relieved to hear that you, Paula, also find the narrative a bit hard to get into. I kind of wish I knew about the ending of the story before I started reading the novel, it would've been much easier that way. Although that would defeit the purpose, of course. I've seen at least two different novels by Haig while I've been rummaging through Australia's bookshops and secondhand bookshops, and I'm definitely going to look up The Radleys and The Last Family in Britain (or what was it called, I can't remember for sure). Have you read those already?

 

And Paula, it was thanks to you that I read UMToT in the first place, so thank you!

 

It was no problem, you are very welcome It is called 'The Last Family in England' (but it could have been called 'The Last Family in Great Britain, you never know ), its can be a sad book and you will expect the ending but its brilliantly written, especially since its from the point of the view of Prince, their dog, and 'The Radleys' is written differently too, so Matt Haig can be quite a chameleon sometimes (if that makes sense)

[frankie]

Donald, thank you kindly. If you like what you see here on the forum, maybe you should join us and create an account and introduce yourself! I'm sure you would like it on here

 

And some random, anonymous person got to Chrissy's computer and asked for the turd story? Well well, how likely and convenient for the rest of us!

 

As requested by three people who can turn into five if necessary. This is dedicated to you guys:

 

Big Boy, as found in David Sedaris's book Me Talk Pretty One Day:

 

"IT WAS EASTER SUNDAY IN CHICAGO, and my sister Amy and I were attending an afternoon dinner at the home of our friend John. The weather was nice, and he'd set up a table in the backyard so that we might sit in the sun. Everyone had taken their places, when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest turd I have ever seen in my life -- no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.

I flushed the toilet, and the big turd trembled. It shifted position, but that was it. This thing wasn't going anywhere. I thought briefly of leaving it behind for someone else to take care of, but it was too late for that. Too late because, before getting up from the table, I'd stupidly told everyone where I was going. "I'll be back in a minute," I'd said. "I'm just going to run to the bathroom." My whereabouts were public knowledge. I should have said I was going to make a phone call. I'd planned to urinate and maybe run a little water over my face, but now I had this to deal with.

The tank refilled, and I made a silent promise. The deal was that if this thing would go away, I'd repay the world by performing some unexpected act of kindness. I flushed the toilet a second time, and the big turd spun a lazy circle. "Go on," I whispered. "Scoot! Shoo!" I turned away, ready to perform my good deed, but when I looked back down, there it was, bobbing to the surface in a fresh pool of water.

Just then someone knocked on the door, and I started to panic.

"Just a minute."

At an early age my mother sat me down and explained that everyone has bowel movements. "Everyone," she'd said. "Even the president and his wife." She'd mentioned our neighbors, the priest, and several of the actors we saw each week on television. I'd gotten the overall picture, but natural or not, there was no way I was going to take responsibility for this one.

"Just a minute."

I seriously considered lifting this turd out of the toilet and tossing it out the window. It honestly crossed my mind, but John lived on the ground floor and a dozen people were seated at a picnic table ten feet away. They'd see the window open and notice something dropping to the ground. And these were people who would surely gather round and investigate. Then there I'd be with my unspeakably filthy hands, trying to explain that it wasn't mine. But why bother throwing it out the window if it wasn't mine? No one would have believed me except the person who had left it in the first place, and chances were pretty slim that the freak in question would suddenly step forward and own up to it. I was trapped.

"I'll be out in a second!"

I scrambled for a plunger and used the handle to break the turd into manageable pieces, all the while thinking that it wasn't fair, that this was technically not my job. Another flush and it still didn't go down. Come on, pal. Let's move it. While waiting for the tank to refill, I thought maybe I should wash my hair. It wasn't dirty, but I needed some excuse to cover the amount of time I was spending in the bathroom. Quick, I thought. Do something. By now the other guests were probably thinking I was the type of person who uses dinner parties as an opportunity to defecate and catch up on my reading.

"Here I come. I'm just washing up."

One more flush and it was all over. The thing was gone and out of my life. I opened the door to find my friend Janet, who said "Well, it's about time." And I was left thinking that the person who'd abandoned the huge turd had no problem with it, so why did I? Why the big deal? Had it been left there to teach me a lesson? Had a lesson been learned? Did it have anything to do with Easter? I resolved to put it all behind me, and then I stepped outside to begin examining the suspects."

 

All possible typos are mine of course.

[Kylie]

 

Thanks Frankie! That was pretty gross, but funny too.

 

(Donald says thanks too. Now that he has read the story, I don't think he wants to join the forum anymore. Oh well, you can't win them all. )

[Roland Butter]

If you like that sort of thing (and yes, I realise I could have phrased that better), David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries is worth a read too.

[Chrissy]

We I We thank you for sharing that gross story. I'm not sure whether I'm glad I've already had breakfast, or whether I wish I'd eaten nothing!

 

 

[Weave]

:giggle:

[Ooshie]

My problem is, I don't know what a burrito is...

 

Oh, and a handy household hint for anyone finding themselves in a similar situation - pour lots of very hot water on the offending and offensive piece of detritus it will partially dissolve and flush away easily

[pontalba]

87. Fear the Worst by Linwood Barclay

 

I was very happy to find this newish Baclay novel at the book fair. I read Too Close to Home in the beginning of the year and really loved the novel, so I've been most eager to read other Barclay thrillers. Barclay knows how to write, I really like his style. I found the story line very interesting as well, although I have to say that it didn't quite manage to captivate me as much as TCtH did. Towards the end there were a couple of scenes which to me had 'a Hollywood movie' written all over them, but I feel like I had to give Barclay some slack. The ending was a bit abrupt and one of the twists was a bit over the top but all in all a really enjoyable read. Looking forward to reading No Time for Goodbye and the latest Barclay novel soon. 4/5

 

 

 

I've got Fear the Worst and Too Close to Home in my TBR stack, working their way up!

[Weave]

I have read 'No time to say goodbye' and I think I have 'Fear the Worst' somewhere, I am looking forward to reading it

[vodkafan]

Hi Frankie you are back home?

Thanks pal that was a really funny turd story.

 

If you are ever in that situation....the solution is very simple. You get a big bowl or bucket and pour lots of water on top of the offending log. This creates an overpressure so that when you flush it it WILL go down never to be seen again.

 

important note: that is assuming of course that the toilet is not actually BLOCKED. If it is, then with all the extra water you have just put down when you flush it will simply overflow.

[frankie]

Thanks Frankie! That was pretty gross, but funny too.

 

(Donald says thanks too. Now that he has read the story, I don't think he wants to join the forum anymore. Oh well, you can't win them all. )

 

But Donald was growing on me! He can't desert me and the forum now! Make him come back

 

 

If you like that sort of thing (and yes, I realise I could have phrased that better), David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries is worth a read too.

 

But I don't like David Sedaris!!

 

Which reminds me of a thing I witnessed while I was watching one of the episodes of the book show Kylie and I are going to go and watch this Friday (I can't believe it's just a few days ahead!!!). They were discussing A Confederacy of Dunces, which is why I wanted to see that particular episode, and guess who's there as a guest? None other than Augusten Burroughs! Who is one of my favorite authors of course, and David Sedaris has nothing on him. Anyways, Burroughs is a fan of ACoD, like all good people should be. And Marieke Hardy, one of the regulars on the show, loves the novel as well, and she actually said that if someone doesn't like ACoD, she loses a little bit of respect for them and cannot be their friend anymore. And to her utmost distress, one of her favorite authors, David Sedaris, despises the book. So there you go! David and me don't mesh.

 

 

My problem is, I don't know what a burrito is...

 

Oh, and a handy household hint for anyone finding themselves in a similar situation - pour lots of very hot water on the offending and offensive piece of detritus it will partially dissolve and flush away easily

 

Well you have to google burrito Well I guess the thing about burrito is that it's round and it's thick. So the turd was on the big side

[frankie]

I've got Fear the Worst and Too Close to Home in my TBR stack, working their way up!

 

I have read 'No time to say goodbye' and I think I have 'Fear the Worst' somewhere, I am looking forward to reading it

 

I hope you enjoy the novels, I really like Linwood Barclay. I've noticed his latest novel (can't remember the title ) in a couple of secondhand bookstores but they're quite expensive and I already have loads of other books to read, so haven't bought it. I may have to order it online when I get back to Finland. I'll be so happy to go to secondhand bookshops when I get back, I won't have to worry about how I'm going to get all the books home with me

 

 

Hi Frankie you are back home?

Thanks pal that was a really funny turd story.

 

If you are ever in that situation....the solution is very simple. You get a big bowl or bucket and pour lots of water on top of the offending log. This creates an overpressure so that when you flush it it WILL go down never to be seen again.

 

important note: that is assuming of course that the toilet is not actually BLOCKED. If it is, then with all the extra water you have just put down when you flush it will simply overflow.

 

Hi vodkafan, I'm still at Kylie's and will be until 25 Nov.

 

I love it that I got so many tips how to get rid of massive turds that won't flush I'd like to remind all you guys that the turd story was in fact by David Sedaris, not by me!!

 

 

Now I'll update my thoughts on books I've read:

91. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon

 

Rory read. Very long, took me ages to finish. I always felt it was a huge chore when I picked the book up and I was glad to finish it, and yet I really enjoyed the novel! Very bizarre. It's a kind of an epic saga, I loved both Kavalier and Clay and was really keen on finding out what happens to them and how it all ends. I could've read more about them, in that way the novel was too short. I also really liked how the book was about the war, which is always a really serious business, and comics, a non-serious subject, and what K&C did with the comics. I won't say more about that so you can find out for yourselves. 4/5

 

92. Rebuilding Coventry by Sue Townsend

 

Having enjoyed the Adrian Mole novels as a teenager and reacquainting myself with them as an adult, still finding them extremely funny, I was really keen on reading something completely different by Townsend. Her Adrian Mole character is a classic, but can she write about someone else and still keep it funny? Yes she can. Coventry is a normal middle class house wifey, until she goes and kills a guy. No, not a spoiler, as you will find this on the first pages of the novel. So, she's offed a person and what can she do now? Well, run away of course. What happens then reminds me of the period of

The Bold and the Beautiful when Stephanie lost her memory and was out in the streets.

Anyway, good stuff. Made me laugh out a lot. 3/5

 

93. The Case of the Imaginary Detective by Karen Joy Fowler

 

I don't know it if was just me, or the book, but I didn't make any sense of it. I have no idea why the main character went to live with her godmother. And why she was investigating the things she was. And why this and that happened. I have no idea why I kept reading the novel eventhough I didn't understand any of it. I just couldn't comprehend the motives of any of the characters. And why the book was written in the first place. A very disappointing read, considering how the blurb was really interesting. Fowler's books should not have blurbs on them, since the last book I read by her was another disappointment, and the blurb was all lies. 1/5

 

94. The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

 

A Rory read. I have mixed feelings about this. The first 100 pages or so kept dragging on and I was really bored to read about all the descriptions of nature and animals and stuff, when nothing really happens. Then we get a couple of real shockers and all of a sudden, I'm hooked! Then it drags on for a while again and then there are a couple of really juicy bits. And I cry. And am really sad for some of the characters. But most of all, I'm really relieved to have finished the book for my Rory challenge.

 

I'm betting that the movie would, in this case, be a much more enjoyable way to enjoy the story. 3/5

Edited November 2, 2010 by frankie

[frankie]

95. The Last Family in England by Matt Haig

And excellent read! This story's told from the point-of-view of a dog, which I always enjoy. The Labradors have made a pact to do anything in their power to protect their Families, in order to be able to go to doggy heaven in afterlife. Some dogs think that this pact is a load of rubbish. Prince, however, is determined to follow the rules of the pact and keep his family safe. Which turns out to be quite difficult because there is a lot of trouble heading their way... The book is funny and sad and really clever. It made me think of The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. When I read TAoRinR I was really sad because I knew I would probably never get to read anything like that again, but now I found it's match. In my opinion at least. A definite favorite which I'll be rereading in the future! I would recommend it to anyone who likes pets and dogs in particular. 5/5

 

96. Size 12 Is Not Fat by Meg Cabot

 

An easy, enjoyable story with a detective angle, and a dormitory (sorry, a recidence hall!). 3/5

 

97. Size 14 Is Not Fat Either by Meg Cabot

 

The same as with the first novel, but this one was a bit funnier and better. 4/5

[Roland Butter]

 

 

But I don't like David Sedaris!!

 

Which reminds me of a thing I witnessed while I was watching one of the episodes of the book show Kylie and I are going to go and watch this Friday (I can't believe it's just a few days ahead!!!). They were discussing A Confederacy of Dunces, which is why I wanted to see that particular episode, and guess who's there as a guest? None other than Augusten Burroughs! Who is one of my favorite authors of course, and David Sedaris has nothing on him. Anyways, Burroughs is a fan of ACoD, like all good people should be. And Marieke Hardy, one of the regulars on the show, loves the novel as well, and she actually said that if someone doesn't like ACoD, she loses a little bit of respect for them and cannot be their friend anymore. And to her utmost distress, one of her favorite authors, David Sedaris, despises the book. So there you go! David and me don't mesh.

 

 

It was meant to be a generic "you", Frankie. But one should still try Santaland Diaries, anyway.

 

I hated Confederacy of Dunces - I thought it was one of the most over-hyped pieces of twaddle I've ever read. Just as well I've never heard of Marieke Hardy, then, eh?

[frankie]

I know it was a generic 'you' but I guess I'm just really anti-Sedaris at the moment Each to their own, even with Confederacy of Dunces. I'm glad to hear you've read it though, because it's one of those books that don't get read a lot.

 

Like I already mentioned in the Book Activity thread yesterday, I bought Love Letters of Great Men and Women while we were bookshopping in Sydney. Today Kylie and I went to take a better look at the new local secondhand bookstore, and I'm happy to say Kylie made loads of great finds and bought a lot of books. I got me some too:

 

The One That Got Away by Lee Robert Schreiber

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Doris Day - Her Own Story by A. E. Hotchner & Doris Day

 

I'm particularly thrilled about finding the Doris Day book: I saw a documentary about her many many years ago and ever since then I've wanted to read the book. I really like her and think she's a wonderful actress. I can't believe I actually found the novel <3

 

I also got The New York Trilogy by Paul Auster from the ever so generous Kylie

[vodkafan]

 

I'm particularly thrilled about finding the Doris Day book: I saw a documentary about her many many years ago and ever since then I've wanted to read the book. I really like her and think she's a wonderful actress. I can't believe I actually found the novel <3

 

 

I will be interested to hear what you think about the Doris Day book (haven't read it myself). I have got interested in her lately. Seen some old film s with her in when I was a kid and they didn't impress me, but I think now in her own way she was an important feminist Icon for her time.

[frankie]

It'll be a while til I get to read the book But it seems really interesting. Here's the blurb:

 

"After 27 years in show business my public image is that of America's la-di-da happy-go-lucky virgin, carefree and brimming with happiness. An image, I can assure you, more make-believe than any film part I have ever played. At ten years of age I discovered that my father was having an affair with the mother of my best friend. At 14, I was in an auto hit by a train, and that threatened to make me a cripple for life. At 17 years, I was married to a psychopathic sadist. When my third husband died, a man I had been married to for 17 years, I discovered that he had left me with a debt of half a million dollars. My reward for a lifetime of hard work.

 

There's another Doris Day, a woman I know well. It's she who's the subject of this book - no holds barred. This is the life I have lived.'

 

If that's not interesting I don't know what is.

[Chrissy]

That does sound really interesting frankie, I will ahve to look out for that.

[Kylie]

Hey Frankie, with your Rory list from Shona, did you combine her books with another list? Because you have well over 300 listed, but when I just downloaded the Google spreadsheet from Shona's website, there are 248.

[frankie]

Hm, that's odd, I don't think I did anything to it, I just copypasted the list as it was. At least I think so. The only thing I can think of me doing is adding the shorter Rory list books to it, but I don't see myself going through all that trouble when I can just look at the two different lists.

[frankie]

Here's something one might find useful. Meaning the Roryites.

[Kylie]

Maybe Shona changed her list. If you check my reading thread, I just found a good website that I think has a very comprehensive list - about 325 books. I'm going to use that one from next year. And it's probably very close in number to what you're using.