Continue the story.....

[poppy]

multiple facial piercings and disgustingly muscle-bound.

'Hey, human pin cushion, who are you?' I asked.

'Who's askin'?'

'One of your employers, matey, so I'd smarten up me ideas if I was you.'

'Lil lady 'ired me, I answer t' 'er, nobody else, see!'

'We'll certainly SEE about that!' I stormed off to find Rosie. I was beginning to think Rosie was attracted to a certain type, someone diametrically opposed to herself and her sheltered upbringing. A bit of rough.

Did I ...

[itsmeagain]

have it within my book loving, once poverty stricken, weedy shouldered, reclusive,  dormant self, to feign machodom  or whatever these muppets would call it. ?..was I able to engineer jealousy free running of  the cafe, get on moderate terms with these bearded hunks of hers as a way in..?

'Noims Mark, moit..speciality todoi is..vegan 'am n chayze on balsamic toast, garnish of Dijon yellow and pickled gherkins..an' cos you're 'er feller, it's on the aahse moit',declared Mark, so what was it with her papa thinking we were doing the horizontsl mazurka and without hideous rubber interferences nor (obviously), toxic pills..and this crud saying I'm ' her gayzer, moit'.

Whose bloke?..', I enquired. 'Rowzie, moit, oi mean, oi'd lav a go wiv er if you're not keen , bat oi guessed you lav  'er..aah cowzy', he declared, a mischievous smirk...

Edited December 7, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

'Too right! You keep your grubby little hands off her. She's mine! And you can tell your mates the same. I'm like 'this' with her Daddy and one word from me and ...'

I hadn't heard Rosie coming up behind me, she'd heard every word.

'Is it true, Johnny? Am I really truly yours?' She was looking at me with ...

[itsmeagain]

real pleading in her eyes, a look of hope.

'Oh my dear..at last you know where your bread is buttered..right here', and at that, she threw herself at me, her scented hair cascading all over me. 

'See, oi told yer e lavs er..be a wedding soon mark moi words', said Mark, as a couple of suited officials, one male, one female,  entered, coughing in order to split our oh so adorable embrace.

'Peter Dartboard, Landan City Caancil..Sir, are you vee owner of this ere cattery'?, asked Mr Dartboard. The woman was 'Audrey Grimbutt, head of cattery compliance at London Council..pleased to meet you..do you have a few minutes to check in as regards regulatory conditions and requirements for a cattery..?'

Two hours later, myself, Rosie, Mr Dartboard, and Ms Grimbutt, were all yawning loudly as we sought answers to the question, ' does your cat cafe have less than ten iso particles of surface dust..?..'  In order to ....

Edited December 8, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

ascertain the level of particulate matter, a large alarming looking monitor was wheeled in. Ms Grimbutt donned a pair of airmuffs, plugged in the machine and a loud high pitched humming ensued. While she was thus engaged, Mr Dartboard whipped out his retractable measuring tape and started calculating square meterage per cat ratios. Rosie and I were mostly unaware of all this, and frankly didn't give a flying fudge monkey, we were too busy gazing adorably into each others eyes.

However, after several hours( so much for a few minutes of our time!), Messrs Grimbutt and Dartboard had reached their conclusions. Our cat cafe was ...

Edited December 9, 2023 by poppy

[itsmeagain]

definitely fit for purpose,  clean and tidy. Oh and a loving night of celebration ensued with the lovely Rosie and I, she is too cute, too sizzling, by half. So, next day, daddy turned up whilst Rosie paddled about in her king-sized .

'baarth', and ' ohh, any success yet?', was the ask. 'Success..?..'

' My man , is she going to drop me a grandchild, a chip.off the old block..or not..at 27 she's rootless and unattached.. I don't.. '

[poppy]

approve of children born out of wedlock, of course. But there's nothing to stop an immediate marriage, I trust, now that you're united in both business and passion. I'd like to think there were little Flowers to carry on the family name after I'm gone and inherit my not inconsiderable fortune.'

'Ohhh Daddy, you'll be around for years yet! There's plenty of time for you to enjoy the pitty pitty patter of little biddy feet, and watch our little munchkins grow.'

I'd be quite happy for him to pop his clogs immediately but that wasn't my biggest present concern. I hadn't actually told Rosie that I was married and ...

 

[itsmeagain]

,  frankly, thinking of being saddled with Rosie brought me out in a cold sweat. I mean, if Clothilde tracked me down, I'd be in a truly bad mess, and how was I to inform Rosie of Clothilde. Time healeth all things, thought I, then said 'Major,  being a bloke of impeccable standards, I ought not deign to feign acceptance of my current standing..as a matter of courtesy to Rosie, I have a cat fortune to make before even thinking of tying

 the knot of permanent bonda.. err, wedlock, until such a day as I am a millionaire..now if you, kind sir...

Edited December 10, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

will temporarily kerb your enthusiasm for sprogs ... I mean progeny, I will do my best to acquire the readies to keep your daughter in the manner to which she is accustomed ( and in the manner I wish I was accustomed!)' I muttered under my breath.

The Major seemed slightly mollified but said I'd better festina lente, which sounded like he wanted me to fester plenty, but I pretended not to hear.

I decided, to be on the safe side, it wouldn't hurt to ...

[itsmeagain]

show intent. 

'Now. These demi tasse Earl Grey things..how are they selling, Rosie?', I asked, feigning business acumen and a keenness of interest I frankly never wanted, let alone ever had.

'Oh they're wonderful sellers, my dear', she said, reminding me of Cathy in Kate Bush' classic song, such desperate urgency to succeed in romance.

'Hot in here, is it?', enquired Major Flowrrs , his monocle keeping on slipping as he scrutinised me.

'Not parti...', 

Blessed relief entered the fray as Rosie's mobile rang. It was Flora. 

' Thanks sooo much for filling in my social calendar',chimed Rosie, as Flora reminded her of our cafe meet tomorrow.  'Why don't you come to our cafe?', asked Rosie, ...

 

 

Edited December 11, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

 and you can meet my sweetie.'

'Errkkk,' said Flora which Rosie took to be acquiescence.

'See you at 11 a.m then,' said Rosie, 'Can't wait to meet you!' and she hung up.

'Well, I better crack on,' I headed for the office to get away from Daddy. I'd decided, as reluctant as I was about the whole thing, to contact Clothilde and see how our marital status stood. Perhaps she ...

[itsmeagain]

could offer some much required relationship advice..I had heard via an email from her buddy Jurgen Fast, that Clothilde was running 🏃‍♀️ chilled out workshops, engaged in the lucrative business of 'Relationship chaos and you: you aren't the Problem', which , frankly, sounded like totally psychobabble bull..surely somebody must be ' to blame' or what's going on?..and I know she's been gallivanting with Barnival Ballcamp, 34, a Dr from Morpeth, whose best points were his brass and his brains..oh well, I had better get ready for the arrival of Flora tomorrow.  Into Morrisons I strolled, bought a tub of Flora, and thought of the fun I would have at her expense tomorrow.  But....

Edited December 13, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

putting that pleasure aside for the moment, I bit the proverbial bullet, or in this case more like a stick of jelly, and phoned Clothilde.

'Hi Clothilde,' I said, 'I'm just ringing to enquire how you feel about dissolving our marital partnership and splitting the spoils, so to speak.'

'Get knotted,' was the reply and she hung up. If it hadn't been a mobile she would have slammed it, I'm sure. So much for ...

[itsmeagain]

'you aren't to blame for relationships  that go wrong.'

So, on to tomorrow and preparation for Flora . 🥱 😫 

The next morning, Rosie informed me that our special  lunch of the day was cauliflower curry with basmati or chips, ' or if you're hungry, both.'

'Does Flora like cauliflower?'

'Well we'll soon find out', said Rosie, tearing at the cauliflowers, 6 of them, on her chopping board, bits of cauliflower hurtling all over as she did so.

'Flora is a bit wary of the male of our species, Johnny..do....

Edited December 14, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

you think you might find something else to do while she's here. I don't want to upset her on our first meeting.'

'Rosie,' I said, 'I'm not leaving you alone with that woman! You do realise she's got designs on you, don't you?'

'What do you mean designs? Like she wants to steal stuff or something? She wouldn't be wanting to steal a cat, would she?? I'd be very angry if she tried to steal one of our pussies!'

Rosie is so innocent. She was incredulous when I  explained that some women are attracted to other women. She didn't believe me.

'Oh Flora would never be like that. Why she ...

[itsmeagain]

said she loathes possessive people, she informed me that in our friendship,no restrictions are put in place..'

'Exactly..she expects you to sit meekly by while she worms her way into our relationship,  poisoning your mind against me, trying to get you into bed.. '

'Women..just don't act deceitfully like you men...we have a finer sense of ethics..all the wars..all the massacres..down to men..'

Although I too believed  men , or male run society, was the cause of much unpleasantness in our world, I was not happy to go along  with the rest of her spiel,which came across as if Flora was feeding her story lines and she was doing as told in acceptance of them.

Still, I thought in self reproach how many times had I sat nodding while some wit threw concealed bigotry my way,me nodding like a car window Dalmatian while some bloke rails against 'mass immigration ', while as soon as the bloke left my side I breathed such a sigh of relief that the office or pub door blew shut...

But I said , full of peevish worry, 'Oh I say..Flora lectures you in feminist theory..whileI, a man of decent learning g plus good heart, has to stand by aniseed my lover stolen by some two bit college graduate with a chip ....'

' She doesn't eat chips Johnny, she's healthy and ..'

The doorbell rang..it was ..drum roll please...Flora. She looked strikingly....

[poppy]

unflowerlike. She was dressed in builders overalls and turned down wellies, she sported several sailor tattooes including an anchor, skull and crossbones and a cutlass, and she smoked a particularly odiferous pipe of Turkish Shag ( I believe there was a hint of something from Amsterdam in there, as well, but don't quote me).

'Ahoy!' she bellowed. 'I'm here for Rosie, got no time for the male of the species.' She glared at me in a menacing manner.

Rosie looked stunned. 'I'm Rosie and I'm afraid that ...

[itsmeagain]

I am unavailable ', she said, moving rapidly to the door, watched by a bellowing Flora. 

'I never wanted aggro, just peace', wailed the adorable Rosie, ' so do kindly leave..'

'He poisoning your mind with patriarchy, I see..well I am not about to allow it and I'll be back, Mr Jimmy Disgusting..'

'John..Revolting', I laughed ,hand out to shake her masculine hand, ' and I will allow you to leave only if you donate to our cats', I declared, terribly  pushing my luck.

'I thought you were an architect', wailed Rosie.

' I said it to make you fink I '@d manny, sweet cheeks', said Flora, ' me real noim's Cynfia Leather an oi works in a launderette..appy..?', and with that she departed, never, I 

 

Edited December 15, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

sincerely hoped, to darken our door again.

'You're just a nasty grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake!' shouted Rosie to Flora's retreating back, which was the harshest criticism I'd ever heard her use. She was very upset, so I gave her a big hug and told her ...

[itsmeagain]

I love her, which went down so well , she promised to loofah my back next time I go in the shower. Later that night,Rosie asked me to elaborate upon what type of girlfriend I have encountered in the past. Was it simply my lack of wish to have her jealous, or was it lack of 'Clothilde awareness' that I wanted her to maintain?

'Well let's just say you're really the very best' , I said, trying to keep things all non intrusive,light,and woolly.

' No but you have had partners and I want to know just a tiny bit about them,I am curious', she said, a curious,,persistent, gleam in her eye.

She.....

[poppy]

had to know sometime, I guess. I wouldn't put it past Clothilde to come bursting in one day and completely let the cat out of the bag, metaphorically speaking.

'Rosie, darling,' I said, 'I really haven't wanted to talk about my past, it's so very painful. But I owe it to you to be honest, however much it distresses me.' I gave a little whimper.

'Oh Johnny, I'm here for you, not matter what your past holds.' Rosie clutched my hand.

'When I was very young,' I continued, after I'd regained my composure, 'I made a very foolish ... attachment and we, well we ... got hitched.'

'Johnny! You don't mean...

 

[itsmeagain]

..to say..oh..you have once been..married..?  I mean..'

'I have my dear..but only for a few years and , well, against my will..you see, I was on an expedition to save Danish wildlife, specifically the Great Danish hawk,  Hawkus Danishcus,and the lesser Scandinavian starling, the Odense wheatear and the Northern Star muntjac..from extinction..and some evil Vikings kidnapped me and made me marry the wench known as ..as..Clothilde..'

Beside herself with dismay,Rosie..

Edited December 16, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

( he's such a bs artist 🤣)

 

burst into tears.

'It's alright darling, I promise I'll get a divorce as soon as I can raise enough money to pay off her wicked Viking father and track down Clothilde. She abandoned me for a proctologist who she said had winning ways.'

'Surely,' sniffed Rosie, 'if she abandoned you, after two years you're entitled to a divorce? My friend Maisie got one after her husband ran away to the circus.'

'Errrr ... laws are different for Vikings. And there's the little matter of paying back the dowry.'

'How much is that then? I could always ask ...

[itsmeagain]

daddy to aid us pecuniarily,  if we require remuneration for the vicissitudes of modern hectic life in this post modern, post ancient,post it note era...but Johnny..are you going to show me a photo of her..this mystery wife of yours..aaaaarrrggggghh ', she cried, wailing in the back room of the cafe, causing waiter Cyril to run through, tray of roast 🥔 potatoes in hands, tripping over a box of.....

Edited December 17, 2023 by itsmeagain

[poppy]

Crunchy Curly Kitty Whisker Biscuits, the favourite snack of the feline members of the household.

The scorching potatoes ended up painfully peppering Daddy, who had just happened to pop in for a chat, and the photo was forgotten in the ensuing pandemonium.

'Oh no Daddy, are you alright? Sit down and let me see. Oooooh, that looks so painful! I'll go and get some cold water for your burns.' 

However, I was one jump ahead of her and took great pleasure in emptying a bucket of iced water over his head. 

I watched in fascination as Daddy ...