poppy

of a high-pitched voice. 'Cothy Lithle Book Knook here, Pethunia Clutherbuck thpeaking, how may I help you?' 'Errrr ...hello Miss...Ms ... Clutterbuck.' 'Juth call me Pethunia.' 'Ummm ... yes, I'm just enquiring about the job you have advertised.' 'When can you thart?' 'When can I what?' I asked, rather startled. 'Thart ..thart work.' 'Oh I see. Don't you even want to ...

That doesn't include other devices, I hope? I only read on my tablet.

One Of These Nights ~ Eagles

looking like a bottlebrush having a bad day. I averted my eyes, boarded my train and without further incident arrived home. Rosie was out, her note said she was checking up on Daddy (probably making sure he wasn't entertaining or being entertained by any more unsuitable floozies). Before I could make a brew, I was mobbed by cats. 'Hello Astrophe, hello Egory, there's a good boy Erpillar, no claws up my leg Abolic,' I cooed, whilst trying to ...

The Hissing of Summer Lawns ~ Joni Mitchell

looked even more unkempt after Blossom, for that was his name (his owners concurred with Johnny Cash's sentiments found in A Boy Named Sue) spat out feathers liberally mixed with quantities of drool, all over his person. Not my problem. Retrieving my now rather battered veggies, I limped off home. It had been a funny sort of a day, but all in all ...

as only a St Bernard can salivate. Fortunately, he shunned the vegetarian diet and took no interest in my newly acquired comestibles when I tripped over him and ended up sprawled across the middle of the road with my veggies scattered around me. He did, however ...

get me best bargains.' I rolled up. 'Got any King Edwards?' I could bake a couple of nice jackets for Rosie and me, especially since the dastardly Parson had filched my last one. She not only had some splendid tatties but I also bought some lovely looking spinach, leeks and Brussels sprouts. I headed for home concocting mouthwatering banquets in my imagination. So engrossed was I, that I didn't notice ...

Summer Breeze ~ Seals and Crofts

me.' Now I have great respect for the clergy and their beliefs, but Rev Cross was a disgrace to his profession. 'I think I'll pass, and suggest you put up an urgent prayer for your black, villainous soul instead of spouting meaningless platitudes at me!' I chucked him the book. 'There's not much you can learn from this, but I couldn't think of anyone more deserving!' And I stalked out feeling very ...

Thanks for that, France! I do have the Plus one, I thought for the extra cost, it was worth it to be able to keep all books I downloaded.

Time In a Bottle ~ Jim Croce

from the Vicar as he spat out his wallet and simultaneously jerked the safety pin from his leg. I expected future repercussions, but these little frissons helped to make life interesting and keep one on one's tootsies. I sauntered off home, well pleased with my pecuniary efforts of the day. It went a long way to softening the blow of losing my potato. I whistled On Top of Spaghetti and that put me in mind of ...

Now I'd love to say the old Rev had an epiphanic moment, saw the error of his ways, repented and henceforth lived a blameless and squeaky clean life, dispensing spuds to all and sundry. But unfortunately, it was not to be. To help him on his way, I stuck him in the leg with a safety pin. He leapt in the air, spluttering bits of spud and vanilla latte in all directions. As he bent over double to remove the offending object, I quickly removed his wallet from his back pocket and whipped out a tenner. 'That should about cover it!' I called as I ...

(I've Had) The Time of My Life ~ Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

was digging into the first delectable mouthful, someone whipped the whole thing from under my nose! 'Share and share alike. It is better to give than receive. Charity begins at home,' pronounced Pastor Cross between gobbling down my beautiful potato and taking huge slurps from my vanilla soy latte with the cinnamon sprinkles. I'm not a violent man, but there was only one thing to do ...

Who Do You Think You Are Kidding, Mr Hitler? ~ Bud Flanagan

I've recently purchased Audible and for my first free credit I chose The Mapp and Lucia Collection Vol 2 (unabridged). I absolutely love Prunella Scales narration, but the third book Trouble For Lucia is narrated by Lisa Daniely. I see she's a highly respected narrator but I find it almost impossible to listen to. She uses such a silly voice and it's very difficult to distinguish the dialogue between the different characters. They just don't seem to suit the character, either. I'm going to get Volume one for my next credit and these are narrated by Geraldine McEwan, Prunella Scales and Patricia Gallimore. Should be a real treat! They are both also available read by Georgina Sutton who does it very well, but I feel the other narrators use more expression.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes ~ The Platters

and Astaria-May thought it was ruby-red fairy dust sprinkles left by the Little Folk. It turned out to be the latter and the novel then goes off into the realms of fantasy. It would be right up Rosie's street, I added it my pile. That just about cut my twenty quid, just leaving enough for a ...

Bright Eyes ~ Art Garfunkel

knock yer bladdy socks arf!' Getting my socks knocked off wasn't included in my day's plans and I shuddered to think of the reception I'd get from Rosie if I turned up hammered. I wasn't in her best books after she'd found me at Daddy's. Being considered a wimp by a ramshackle ex-pirate and his curmudgeonly parrot help little terror compared to the ear-bashing I'd get from my little ...

Song Sung Blue ~ Neil Diamond

and I'll give you another fiver for this one,' he said pointing to the travel book, he seemed to think one of his buccaneer friends might be interested. I'd keep the pillock one for Pastor Cross. 'Make it twenty quid and I'll throw in this valuable little volume of 'How To Train and Dominate Your Stroppy Parrot,' a volume that had serendipitously fallen into my bag when I making haste to Daddy's bog. 'Done!' he bellowed, 'Now splice the mainbrace, and get that down ya!' He shoved across a tankard brimming with rum. 'Keel haul the slimy bilge-suckers,' squawked Capt Morgan. Another missile went flying, narrowly missing ...

Summer Breeze ~ Seals and Crofts