poppy

eyes open wide taking in the pie splattered portrait of the Queen, overturned chairs, cats hanging off curtains and perched on high cupboards and sniffing suspiciously at a rather unpleasant odour emanating from the WC's. 'We've had a wee spot of bother,' explained Rosie, 'I wonder if you could help us sort things out.' She gave her winning smile which seemed to melt the hearts of even the most tungsten variety. ''appy to be of service, Miss,' he said doffing his hat and giving a low bow. 'How are you on blocked loos?' I asked. 'I'll have you know ...

dropped

'll be in business.' 'Yes, Daddy,' said Rosie meekly, then, 'may I have a word with you, Johnny?' Here goes, I thought, the proverbial's gonna hit the fan! 'Johnny, I'm very proud of the way you handled the situation today and I'm sorry for being the cause of all the trouble. While I was locked in the conveniences, I had time to reflect on your marital situation and I think I understand why you’ve acted the way you have. Can you forgive me?' Rosie had tears trickling down her cheeks. 'Oh Rosie ...

pattern

down! We're closing now so if you'd kindly vacate the premises. As you leave I'll issue each one of you with a free complimentary coffee and cake voucher,' I said loudly. And more quietly, 'I'd appreciate if you're going to ring the Police, Mark, that you'd use the correct name for our establishment! It's 'Johnny and Rosie's Pussy Galore Cat Cafe' ... from the movie you know.' This actually had a calming effect on Mark and he started to waffle on about the comparative merits of the various James Bond movies. The other patrons were now ...

restraint

both arms around, making it difficult for the dispatcher to hear a word. '999 here, what is the nature of your emergency?' 'We 'ave wat yer might call a major disturbance at Johnny and Rosie's Cat Cafe,' shouted Mark. 'Please remain calm, speak quietly and describe the disturbance,' said the emergency operator. 'Well, it's loike this...' and Mark went on to describe how Henry Beech had been rammed in the back by a very impatient ( and to be fair, quite desperate) Molly Middlewich, causing a brolly blockage issue in one of the only two toilets. This had lead to a rather testy exchange between all parties involved. 'Testy exchanges don't come under the heading of an emergency, sir. Making a false emergency call can lead to a hefty fine and I suggest you ...

man

Another Christmas Song ~ Stephen Colbert

train

ohhhhh ... what on earth is happening out there?!' Marital explanations would have to wait. All hell had broken loose. Not only was there a major skirmish going on in the toilets as patrons fought over the two available conveniences but all the ruckus had upset the cats. They were zooming all around the place, climbing the curtains, knocking over tables and one was even ...

Wishing everyone a very Happy Christmas ✨️🎄

Twelve Days of Christmas ~ Traditional

gripped by a particularly aggressive stomach cramp and realised action was imminent. Proving that she was indeed equipped to deal with both bothersome people and objects, she shoved Jeff, who was at the head of the queue, roughly across the room, and kicked the toilet door in. There was a mad rush for the door, causing quite a jam which wasn't helped by Rosie ...

snoozer

Cherry Cherry Christmas ~ Neil Diamond

boozer

Christmas Time Is Here ~ Vince Guaraldi Trio

a wee bit more, an she sez, 'elp meself! Bluddy good service 'ere, oi sez, don't know wat the silly ol' cow oer theres belly-achin bout.' Chef Philbert's approach to recipe ingredients was rather unconventional and known only to him and in this instance had the unfortunate , almost immediate effect of patrons requiring the restroom facilities. This proved difficult with Rosie having locked herself in. A long queue was forming outside and the more desperate patrons were ...

out of the room. I followed her calling, 'But not for much longer, darling, she'll give me a divorce very soon!' Rosie shut herself in the toilets and locked the door. The patrons of our cafe seemed engrossed in all the drama and had taken sides. The two factions were now having a heated discussion about who was right and who was wrong and things were...

bruiser

Alone On Christmas Day ~ Phoenix

I knew Rosie was going to ask me some sticky questions. 'You see what I've been dealing with, darling?' I asked in a weedling kind of voice. 'Why did she call me PiechartHaggis, and you didn't answer me before about Pythagorus! Who's she? And why is she giving you £500,00? You said you had to pay HER dowry back! I don't think you've been straight with me, Johnny. I feel like you've betrayed my trust. I'm feeling very upset.' 'Oh darling, it's very simple. You've got to understand that ...

Land

What Christmas Means To Me ~ Stevie Wonder