Talisman

I have just emailed my application to the HR department with a copy to my own work email, so there is now no going back. I am nervous as hell, but know that I can do this, and that it is the right time - I am 50 next year, so it's now or never. I have my appraisal on Tuesday so I guess that will also mean telling my own boss, which he will no doubt be surprised about. Being so close to Christmas I may have to wait until afterwards for a response, but I guess that's par for the course.

Thank you. To me this is not about the extra money (although it will be a 2.5K pay rise) but about helping others to evolve, knowing that by doing that, I am also helping myself to do the same. Because I am already working here, it seems that there is no need for a formal application, rather just a written statement as to why I think I am suitable. I have written the first paragraph at least, but as we out tonight for our Mindfulness class, will have to work on the rest over the next few days. It has been difficult keeping it to myself, but I know that it is best to, as people there do talk and I don't want it to go round until I am ready to tell my own boss. I have my appraisal next week, so that seems to be the right time to do it then. Hopefully my application will be in by then, and I don't want to tell him before then.

I have managed to get most of the first chapter done and will no doubt write some more this weekend. As for the job, I have made my decision, and I am going to go for it ! I have worked in this industry for 5 1/2 years now, 4 1/2 of those years in care and nursing homes for the elderly. I thought that was all that the care sector was, and as I knew that I didn't want to spend my time wiping bums and so on, decided to stick at housekeeping as that way I could still make a difference without being directly involved in the care side and all the legalities of it all. When I though came here to my current job 9 months ago, I realised that actually it is not all about the elderly - there are all different types of people that need help - most of our clients have physical or learning disabilities - some are also on the autistic spectrum. Although we do have a 17 bed care home on the site, most of our clients have their own flats and need support (mentoring almost) rather than care, which is a very different thing. Those who need care cannot do things for themselves, but those who need support just need a bit of help to be more independent and find out more about who they are. I have been thinking about this for a long time (more or less since I started here) but didn't have the confidence to do anything about it. I needed that extra push, and that Manager encouraging me to apply, in fact actively suggesting it, has given me the push that I needed. That is a real endorsement. The clients know me and respond to me, and it feels like the right thing to do. I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life cleaning toilets, so I therefore have to take this opportunity or at least try otherwise I will just end up regretting it. If it doesn't work out or if they decide that it isn't right for me, and say no, then at least I know that I have given it my best shot and I won't have lost anything.

Having made the decision to do a rewrite or at least reappraisal of the book that I published and wrote 8 years ago, I am having an extended break from the usual reading and finishing off the year with one mammoth book - Forbidden Archaeology by Michael Cremo and Richard E Thompson. The first chapter of my own book is on human evolution, s subject that I studied for a year with a professor of archaeology and so only really scratched the surface. Of course since the book was first published a lot of other finds (at least three previously unidentified hominids) have since come to light, which I need to acquaint myself with. This past weekend has then been spent in doing this, looking at various sources of information both on and offline. The Cremo/Thompson book is about those anomalous finds that do not fit into the accepted paradigm and so have for the most part been ignored - a bit like the inscribed shell that has hit the news this past week, indicating that Homo Erectus was a bit of an artist. It is all interesting stuff that will no doubt keep me busy for some time !

I haven't been very active on here of late, but life has of course still gone on (which is of course why I haven't been on here a lot). One of the more interesting things is that after much deliberation, and prompted by a few recent sales, I have begun work on a rewrite of the book that I first published 8 years ago. It will be a mammoth task (the original took 5 years to complete) and I am at the moment wading what seems like mountains of articles and books about human evolution, a subject that I find absolutely fascinating. The other thing that has happened is that I am considering once again changing jobs. Not moving to a different company, but rather a different role within the same company. The Manager at one of the Supported Living Units has suggested, in fact strongly recommended that I apply for a job as Support Worker working alongside her. She has noticed how I respond to the clients, and how well they in turn respond to me and feels that this is the next step as it were in my own evolution. I am inclined to agree, but am hesitating due to the fear of it not working out, but also because of the responsibility, as it would be a very big change - basically supporting and mentoring the clients to become as independent as possible. She has made it very clear that she will support me all the way if I choose to go down this route, and that by itself means an awful lot. I have spoken to HR and got a job description which is I guess the first step. I have though a very important decision to make between now and Christmas that could potentially change everything.

We had a nice omelette made with organic eggs and filled with fresh herbs (not sure what they were, but there was some thyme in there) from the garden at work with a nice crisp salad with the various winter salad leaves that I also bought from work - harvested fresh this morning.

For me it has got to be The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared. Jonas Jonasson will I am sure in years to come do down as one of the greatest comic authors of all time.

I will make my own decision about to whether to buy the book in the only way that I can - by downloading a sample of it to see what I feel.

Coran and I have not merged book shelves - I have far more than she does anyway, and they tend to be different genres. A lot of Coran's books are software books and science fiction but mine seem to cover virtually everything. As for what we did with duplicate books, I think we decided to keep whichever one was in the best condition.

Any particular part of the world ?

Happy belated birthday. Both situations are well in hand. The Mindfulness course starts tomorrow which we are both looking forward to. I have been practising all week and it has certainly helped the other situation, which is also well in hand. There seems to be a real difference with how I am handling it this time around, as I am so much more aware since leaving the last place and can see exactly what is going on and what needs to be done. Both my own Manager and HR agree, which makes one hell of a difference. I have to though wait for things to take their course as always, which is no bad thing, as it gives me more time to practise that Mindfulness.

What cheered me up today and in fact all weekend was some lovely philosophical chats with my wonderful husband over coffee and various other beverages and finally working out what it is I need to do in order to resolve a situation that has been brewing for some considerable time. Time for action, but not reaction ...

Up on the Roof - The Drifters

I haven't spent much time on here of late, as there have been some personal issues that needed to take priority. Coran has been going through a lot of stuff whereby rage from the past has been coming up to be dealt with, which has been difficult to say the least for both of us. Her Doctor has though suggested a course in Mindfulness and knowing how the universe always conspires to help, there is one starting near to where we live later this week. Knowing how her stuff so closely mirrors my own, and also having issues of my own to deal with, we have therefore both signed up. In the meantime, some issues at work have now come to a head. It's a long story that I won't go into here, as it would fill ten pages, but it is time for action rather than head in sand, which is what I have been doing. The situation has been brewing for a long time and needs now to be dealt with head on. A letter then has been written to HR with a copy to my own Manager (a wonderful man who is incredibly supportive and switched on and I know will 100 percent support me) which will be given to both of them first thing tomorrow, requesting a meeting between myself and the culprit in order to iron things out. I am feeling very clear headed about the whole thing, as I know what I need to do and only hope that I can remain in the right space in order to deal with it.

I read The Humans earlier this year - probably the funniest book I have read so far, but I haven't read any of his other ones yet.

The Writers and Artists Yearbook 2008 - about time I got another one !

We went to see Gone Girl at the weekend, which actually I really enjoyed. I haven't read the book as I didn't like the writers style, but the film was really good, if a little graphic.

Arriving at the horticulture dept. this afternoon just in time for their tea break, and asking where's mine, upon which they made me one ! They even offered me a biscuit to go with it.

Being given a free bag of apples from the lovely people at the horticulture department at work, fresh from the garden.

In one word - horrible !

What a wonderful idea Chrissy - thank you for this. What cheered me up today was waking up to such beautiful sunshine and knowing that I had a particularly good book that I want to finish. What cheered me up yesterday was a nice cup of coffee in Dorking with an even nicer lunch at home, being in the company of my beloved (who for the first time since our blessing did not feel unwell) and finding out that we had enough points on our Odeon cinema club card to quality for some free ice creams. That certainly can't be bad.

I grew up drinking tea, and until a few years ago didn't even like the taste of coffee - drinking it always gave me a headache as I wasn't used to the caffeine. A few years ago though I was at work serving the residents with their morning coffee. The Manager asked me to get her one and I accidentally put some sugar in in, and so she didn't want it after all, so I drank it. I have been drinking it ever since and can't actually remember when I last had a cup of tea ! I am though quite particular as to which coffee I drink at home at least - it has to be Kenco and it has to be decaf. I never drink Nescafe on principal, as Nestle are such a nasty company. I don't like Nescafe though anyway.

Not too bad here today - temperatures were about 18 degrees maybe with a little rain around lunchtime. This isn't bad for late September, and a lot better than Reykjavik, where it was a chilly 2 degrees.

Sometimes I read them, sometimes not, but usually not. If I want to try a sample chapter of a book then it's easy enough to just download a sample to my Kindle or use the search inside facility. I very rarely buy a book without doing that at least, not unless it's part of a series anyway, and I have read all the previous ones.

I have managed to complete a few more countries in the last few weeks - all African ones. Canoeing the Congo by Phil Harwood for Zambia and Congo and The Last Gift by Abdulrazak Gurnah for Tanzania. Both brilliant books but different in their own way.