poppy

Never Argue with a Woman One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking,'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'For reading a book,' she replies , 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again, 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

LMAO Charm I think I need the Memory Class ( my insanity level is just fine) Just realised I forwarded it to someone else, after getting it from you, who has forwarded it back to me(obviously they have memory issues too) Thought it looked a bit familiar. Sorry, all credit to Charm for that one

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity > 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. > 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice ! > 3. Every Time someone asks you to do something, ask if they Want Fries with that. > 4. Put Decaf in the Coffee Maker for 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. > 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana ? > 6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. > 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. > 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. > 9. Sing Along At The Opera. > 10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your 20 Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because you have a headache. > 11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' > 12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' > 13 . Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' > And The Final Way to Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity > 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS..

take a bath, however his usual attire was......

coloured his outlook on life and now instead of being a nice sweet little froggie, who used to sing 'It's Not So Easy Being Green," and "The Rainbow Connection," he had morphed into some alter-ego, evil, sinister frog whose signature song was.......

That is so true, the light at those times is magic. Everything looks different. Might it because your sugar levels are low?

I wouldn't really call it dark, more satire, but Tom Sharpe's Blott on the Landscape, is very funny.

the clouds. Oxygen soon became in short supply, chicken feathers were being shed in profusion and ....

That's funny Ernie, cause I really like all your other choices

The naked eye one is beautiful, love the colours. It's absolutely amazing what's out there. And just imagine how much stuff there is we can't even see. On my one, at the top left hand corner, it looks like a witch riding on a broomstick to me.

Wonderful picture Raven. I had this one as my desktop for quite a while. Not sure where it is though.

Incubus Audioslave Linkin Park Lateralus by Tool Led Zep Pink Floyd (anything except the Beatles *runs for cover to avoid Kylie's slap* :blush: )

equipment, which he feared might have been damaged in the fall. It appeared .....

hungry and looking for omelettes to eat, unfortunately however .....

left nostril which sported a very unusual and highly decorative .....

tossing me effortlessly to the ground where he gave me a resounding kiss on my ......

"I'll buy you an icecream on the way home, just be very .....

Lol Kylie. I didn't think of that It might be safer to choose someone boring

Hi and welcome Mr Joey

Hi Tom and welcome

Hi and welcome

Hi Huda and a big welcome

All Bill Bryson's travel books are a complete crack-up. His description of nodding off and snoring in some people's car who were showing him the tourist attractions in Down Under, made me laugh so much I got the stitch.

Hi Scarlette and welcome. I like your name

Hi and welcome Paul