itsmeagain

I became interested in Ann Cleeves after finding Shetland on BBC was based on her writing. Oddly, a huge compendium of women's crime fiction I bought, has nothing by Ann, who lives in lovely Whitley Bay in the North East of England.

'Sweet, God, please believe me' , I whispered into the crackly ether , like a stressed teacher found out for philandering by his Mrs, in a BBC drama, 'but truly, dear Rosie, I am in ..financal shhhhhhh, and..well I owe money to..my bank, my ex, my ..' 'Johnny, do talk sense..the business is doing OK..' 'I am not though..when we met I only had 7 quid to my entire name. ' 'Oh Crikey Johnny, you really...

of cumulo nimbus, rain drenched white wisps of air and water. So when Rosie rang up again, at 2pm as I was sipping soya chai through a silver straw, I was happily aware....

so, in a call to my esteemed bank, I made it really clear that I was not allowing any money to leave my account, to a Major Flowers, since I felt it was highly audacious of that man, to simply take take take, when people in Dar es Salaam for instance, were struggling with issues around poverty and misery. Never ones to oblige, the bank.....

daddy hasn't had the rub of the green..at times you seem to ..mhfhjggd craaaaccckllee..hiss..granted and I think its not on..bbbbbvvvvvxzcraaacklekkkjsssaa..Will you?' 'Yep ..' 'Oh Johnny Revolting, I knew you'd see sense..after all, it's scarcely every day a man, mid senescence as he is so indubitably, gets to see wonders like The Hirohito Palace, the Kwonzabahino jewels, the Mitsubishi Mantras, and the Quartz lullaby office...he'll be.. ' 'Just a sodding minute woman', I intoned, my hair now...

invite daddy over to admire the blossoms near Hokkaido and I wondered if we could pay for daddy to go on a tour of Hokkaido and the surrounding..' 'Are you serious? How much does the old man have stashed ....

......she's staying with Mr and Mrs Nakata in Kyoto..says on the note she's dong a vow of Buddhist silence, and, like Gandhi did, will be living on crunchy pickled vegetables and rice for the foreseeable...shoes off when entering the abode when we visit..' ' Needs to get her facts right. Gandhi.lived on goat milk and plain vegetables for years, but there was no Japanese vegetables in there', I said, just to put the record straight. 'Oh Johnny..she's safe..it's such a relief'. 'Do you mean sushi a relief?', I asked,

to an onsen.. oh Johnny..and we were in kertttrereeebbbbbb nnnn zzxx you see, and in this lovely onsen, she got chatting to an American couple and they were ..khkhkhkgraxxxxxlllee..and then ..sob..so.. she's gone and the Americans..Donny and Posie..sniffle..cannot be found..' ' Tell the police.' 'Oh I have tried Johnny..sniffle..sniffle..but they took ages to see me here in Kyoto and..sniffle..sniff...you remember the Blackman girl..world' '....famous I know..darling dont be thinking that anything awful..' 'The police dismissed me,saying she is likely some bloody fly by night who goes to seedy establishments in Roppongi and lights cigarettes for creepy old men who then expect....

with the ....jxzsae ..is..there..zzxfsarn branhgtr..jhru....loan ...vvvvv. '. Then silence. What is going on? Reaching for the zoom , I

playing second fiddle 🎻 to.me That was just fine...I began to see a glint of mischief in her fiery dark eyes, making.me worry about consequences for me if she tried anything ' funny.' I had enough on with Rosie, no way could any other individual come to desecrate my book absorbing, story telling, non licentious, life. Next minute, we

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it's private..and private girls like me don't take all this curiosity very kindly.. so let's just get on with the matter in hand', and , passing me a kettle, and a dirty teapot 🫖 🤔 to wash, she sat about rooting in biscuits tin for ...

proceed to forget about it', I said, more worried about Rosie than Mr Bindweed and his begonias. Dolly presented her rather fetchingly lovely face at the kitchen. 'Mr Revolting, I have finished cleaning and I would like a custard cream', she said, holding

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Keiff Thief, 24, a solicitor based in Brixham,around the thorny issue of hedges, hedge maintenance and revamp. You see, dearest reader.[.yes you..),Mr Steve Bindweed, 36 , lived adjacent to our pristine cat cafe, and he took it upon his nosy self to report me to the council. Everything was going well until he saw Tuppence the tuxedo tabby, dropping her tuppence all over the hedge; to complicate the issue, Tuppence hissed at Bindweed's dog Bluto, and shot a stream of wee against Steve's garden gate. Not one to be outdone, black cat Felix decided to roll on Steve's lawn,knocking a glass of chilled pilsner over, and also....

make a grown man cry. Have you seen Frank Spencer? Well I can assure you, 'Betty', you nearly did. Harassment and trabble for a grown man... I rang Gertie Flipp, 54, a seamstress from Ealing,specialising in buttons, laundry, and antique sewing machines. ' Well..come along to 1 Portofcall Rd, Streatham , and I'll take....

with Fiona carrying a huge wad of euros, but Rosie wondered why euros. We are upright Britons, thought Rosie, we exchange currency into pounds and pounds only, we're really nor into this ' yoolo' business..not a single iota of it. ' Excuse me sir, we only deal in English currency but this gent handed us euros: as good English roses, we find it reprehensible to be seen as idiots.' Suddenly a suited student, Mamelito Hariohito, from Umeda, 23, said ' but ladies, please note. Welcome to our beloved Japan ❤️ . Never will we decry, defame, denigrate, deny or despise

Fiona wasn't as tetchy, it made the whole matter worse. A man in a blue overalls was shouting something

it soon became evident that everyone in the queue were European Union members, and thanks to Boris, Fiona and Rosie were not. As the left the EU queue, Hiro Horohito, a staff member in a blue cap, asked, 'ikaga nasaimashita?', which, for all the world, may as well have been in Martian, not Japanese, since Fiona...

move on to the Japan saga . I was more than disappointed that Rosie was being snatched from me at a critical time in the trajectory of our cat cafe: me, strong, resolute [weak, vacuous], full of plans [drifting], and she goes and prepares to travel to Osaka. Five weeks later, Rosie and Fiona were at Gatwick, boarding a flight to Japan. ✈️ They stopped off at Dubai for three shopping hours half way, and landed at Osaka at 6pm on a Monday. 'Which queue for Britons?', asked Fiona, waving at a man in a uniform. An uncomprehending shrug in return was met by pangs of doubt in Fi. 'Excuse me..which queue for arriving Britons?', asked Fiona, waving at a small old lady who was tidying up....

Looby Lu's gaffe, a two up three down tenement on Ballsup Boulevard, Camden. Looby and Priscilla decided they were pretending to be welcoming Freddie to a strip club , but his hopes were destroyed by.....

ensure the completion of the plan. I had informed Looby of the slimy Gimmick and his dislike for all things 🐈 cat. Looby, though passing muster as a registered nurse, mental health, no previous convictions, had got away with tipping a cold cheese flan and chips, over her husband in St Walts hospital, Dulwich, in 1998. The circumstances

....I want to offer recompense to the world of 🐈 cats, for wrongs done in my parst. Gimmick by name..' Plonker by nature, thought I, devising a fine scheme here. ' Good, let's talk some more on Tuesday next at Looby Lu's animal paradise', I said, gleefully. 'Oh incidentally, there will be plenty of remuneration for your efforts, Gimmick', I declared, slapping him so hard on the back that his glasses fell into his stale pint. Hours later, I rang Priscilla CatsClaw, running the Looby Lu's animal paradise. 'We've got this lemon hoping for a share of the profits at our cat cafe and he is a vile creep. Tell Looby to be ready next week..dressed for the occasion', I said, hoping Looby didn't think I had a body to bury or anything, as I had an aversion to the sight of shovels. Next

..made of cash? See these jeans..?..these bladdy jeans cost me a tenner down Clapham way.. I bet you're rolling in money..I think 500 quid of cat food, perhaps a couple of rattles plus a cat chasing pen light , ought to get you on my side..' ' I need about ten thousand to vaguely improve our facilities...' ' I will do a crowd funder..' 'Mr Gimmick, do you have 🐈 cats?', I asked. 'Well I don't dislike them but you see my granny Ethel, she had a grouchy old tom and we didn't see eye to...

went away..to Chungking or somewhere..but leave me and Rosie alone..' Later, Rosie tried soft soaping me, telling me how this lucky ticket to Osaka airport came about via the nous, acumen, and spirited dexterity in quizzes, of Fiona. Fiona this, Fi that, Fiona the other..all day every day she droned on . I rang Freddie Gimmick, and we arranged to meet at a pub called the Rancid Sock, in Bow. Run by Frank Fernackapan, the Rancid Sock definitely lived up to the name. The stench of bodies and soiled, rank,clothing, was....