Lending or borrowing books.

[Guest Tiresias]

I apologize if this topic has already been done to death, and plead newbiness.

 

When it comes to books I am, well, anal-retentive. I shamelessly admit that I have kept a file on the books I have lent. At the current tabulation, 132 are officially MIA.

 

I have since resolved never to lend books. Does this make me a bad person?

 

Perhaps. But I am in good company. In 1823, Charles Lamb expressed his exasperation with these words: "Your borrowers of books—those mutilators of collections, spoilers of the symmetry of shelves, and creators of odd volumes."

 

Do you lend books? Do they come back to you?

Edited August 1, 2008 by Tiresias

[Kell]

I'm very, very careful about who I'll lend my books to these days due to various losses and mutilations over the years. Nowadays I'll only loan to a very small group of people who I know will return them after having taken good care of them whilst in their charge.

[Janet]

I lend them to my Mum because I know she's as careful with them as I am.

 

I've just lent a book to my friend to take on holiday and she was sitting there bending it and flicking through the pages at great speed and I wanted to say something but couldn't bring myself to.

 

I've no idea what it'll come back like!

[Nici]

Missing in action

[Guest Tiresias]

I lend them to my Mum because I know she's as careful with them as I am.

 

My mum's on my files! 2 of the 132!

 

The most common excuse: I lent it to someone else. Tsk!

[Mia]

That is a big no-no - it's just not the done thing to lend a book to someone else when it's not yours!

[beef]

I only lend books to family - I know where they live and they are obligated to keep me informed of when they move, they will not escape me.

[Nellie]

I only lend books to one person at work. We have to sneak into the carpark to swap books in tesco carrier bags so that other people in the office don't see us! We have both lent books to others in the office and they have been returned in a terrible state.

[beef]

I only lend books to one person at work. We have to sneak into the carpark to swap books in tesco carrier bags so that other people in the office don't see us! We have both lent books to others in the office and they have been returned in a terrible state.

I now have this brilliant image of the entire office watching the pair of you "look! look! they are dealing drugs again"

[Nellie]

Ha ha! We've probably been caught on the CCTV looking furtive!

[Guest Tiresias]

That is a big no-no - it's just not the done thing to lend a book to someone else when it's not yours!

 

I know!

 

Of the 132, about 50 were given to someone to read because I was going away for a year. I actually thought this person was so trustworthy that the books were safer with him than in storage. And into the black hole they went.

 

I've had really bad luck with this. Another time, I lent someone 4 expensive art books with coloured plates which I had taken out from the library. The person promised to return them to the library when finished with them. I am still receiving dunning letters from the library.

 

Never again!

[nursenblack]

I am never too worried about any damage to books I lend because they are mostly hardbacks. It is never seeing the books again that I really hate. This usually only happens when I lend to one particular friend of mine. For example, one book has been gone for 5yrs and two for 2yrs. Needless to say, I will not lend to her again.

[The Library Nook]

I too have lost a few over the years. Now I only lend out very occasionally and only if I know I won't be too disappointed if the book doesn't come back. But my number is nowhere near 132!

[pontalba]

I have occasionally lent books, but no longer will. The last time I lent a book, when I asked after a couple of months how they were liking it [hint, hint, I want it back], she blithely told me she hadn't finished it, and thank you so much for giving it to me! awk!!

That was the last time. Fortunately it was not a favorite because I was so dumbfounded I couldn't get any words out that were allowed in polite company.

[Guest Tiresias]

Quite a few of you have said that you won't lend, or not unless you know the person will return the book. This raises the question: What do you say to someone when they ask to borrow a book and you don't want to lend it—especially if that person is at your house, wanders ominously over to your bookcase, and starts surveying its contents with quiet interest? Really, what can you say if asked? A simple no?

[Michelle]

This thread has just reminded me that I lent about 4 books to someone ages ago. I now rarely see her, and I don't think I have any chance fo getting them back!

[Nici]

I hope your not talking about me Michelle LOL!

 

Iv'e got loads of your books but they are all marked up in LibraryThing as 'Michelle' and I promise you will get them back in perfect condition!

[pontalba]

Quite a few of you have said that you won't lend, or not unless you know the person will return the book. This raises the question: What do you say to someone when they ask to borrow a book and you don't want to lend it

[Michelle]

Of course not Nici! This was ages ago!

[poppy]

I have lost a few books through lending, but I'm not very good at saying no

[Guest Tiresias]

Good question, that's how the above described book was "lent" to begin with, but with that experience under my belt, I would hope I have enough grit to not lend the book. I think if the book was one of my favorites, I'd just have to grit my teeth and say sorry, can't do that, or if it was one I haven't read yet, I could say - "of course as soon as I read it", and then put it to the bottom of my mental list, and then 'forget' about them wanting to read it.

 

The last time I was in that situation, I gritted my teeth, and then heard myself say: "Okay." I haven't seen the book since. If they're there, and so are you, and so is the book, I don't see how you can refuse without a great deal of awkwardness all round.

 

However, if the person asks to borrow the book and is not holding it in their hand, you are spoilt for excuses. Recently, someone who'd lost a book I lent him asked if they could read a book I was reading when I finished it. Because, when he reminded me a few weeks later, I couldn't then use any of the customary excuses, (I haven't read it, I lent it to someone else, etc.) I actually said: "Would you believe I left it in a taxi? I didn't even get to finish it."

 

Worked like a charm.

[pontalba]

Well, fortunately for me about half of my books are in the home office and not every visitor goes in that room, there are 5 book shelves along the main downstairs hall though that is readily seen by anyone, the main bookshelf I have trouble like that with is the one that is loaded with health books, so I have a ready made excuse with that, saying oh, sorry, I refer to that all the time, can't lend it! And smile sweetly.

 

The rest of the shelves are mainly history, which practically no one else is interested in.

And frankly I'm to the age where if they don't like it, they can lump it. Anyone who knows me well knows I hate to lend books and wouldn't ask.

[Ruth]

I hate lending books out, mainly because they hardly ever come back to me. I've even had to replace a few books which never came back. I am very cautious about lending books out now - daft as it may sound, I would rather give someone a book and replace it myself ()

 

The trouble is that it is difficult to say no when someone is at your house and sees the book on a shelf. I have one friend who is notorious for doing this (and the same thing with DVDs - he had one of my X Files box sets for over a year, and I actually forgot who I had lent it to, and ended up replacing it).

[beef]

Quite a few of you have said that you won't lend, or not unless you know the person will return the book. This raises the question: What do you say to someone when they ask to borrow a book and you don't want to lend it

[Maureen]

I don't lend to everyone. I am quite careful about that. However I have a couple of books, which I thinkI will not be seeing again....