Lumo Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 A friend got into a car accident. Everyone is OK but she seems pretty shaken up and sad about it all, and her car is dented and I'm not sure whose fault it is in terms of insurance (I also don't want to ask that right now). So I can see why she is a bit sad and down in the dumps. So now I have said to her all the supporting and commiserating things I can think of, what is a good thing to send to cheer someone up in this situation? She is sending things to me and seems sad, but every time I type something with a few emoticons or emoji text to try and use those, it either looks like I am not taking it seriously or like I am trying to hit on her (for example, how to send a friendly 'big hug' and make it look supportive?). So, can anyone think of a nice, friendly thing to send someone to try and make them smile for a few moments without it being perceived as silly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athena Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Well, being autistic and all, I'm probably not the right person to ask but, I'd try and express my sympathies. A car accident can be pretty scary indeed. You could say something like that you're glad she's allright. You could send a *hug*. I think it depends on how your relationship is with her normally, I really don't know these things. Being a woman it might also be more accepted for me to say *hug* to a male friend as opposed to a male saying it to a female friend. I guess I would say something like "I'm sorry you were in an accident. I'm glad you're allright but I can imagine it's shaken you a bit. *hug* I hope you feel better soon. Gaia" (139 characters, Gaia is my first name). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I've been pondering this all morning, and think that maybe you just let her know that you want to be in supportive contact, but would hate for her to take it the wrong way (i.e. that you aren't taking her anxiety seriously etc.) and that she should make it really clear if you are getting the tone wrong. Then let her know that you have some great (daft) jokes that you would be happy to share on a daily/weekly basis. On the one hand this horrible thing has happened and she needs some TLC style handling for a while, but on the other hand she also needs to not wallow (not that I am saying she is!) for too long. So addressing the situation and then moving the contact forward with a lightness might be helpful. You said that she is 'sending things to me'. What is the 'tone' of the things? Are we talking articles and pictures related to hobbies, or accident statistics, or more personal type stuff? What she sends you might be an indicator of what she would be comfortable receiving. Good luck with it. You are a being a nice and sensitive friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emelee Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 No. I am horrible at this. I just write one or two messages with comforting words to let them know that I feel for her and if there is anything I can do, just ask. The typical things. After that? Well, you can't pity someone forever. Shake it off. No one died. No one is seriously injured. The person was very lucky. It may seem harsh, but sometimes a good swift kick in the ass is the best thing if you are in a "pity me" rot. There are of course different ways of saying it. My BFF wouldn't be surprised to hear me say something like "you've got to snap out of it" after a pity party. If you don't know the person extremely well, how about just not replying the same day after you've run out of things to say? And then write the next day "how are you feeling now?" If it ain't the end of the world, don't pretend it is. One of my mottos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobblybear Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 If it ain't the end of the world, don't pretend it is. One of my mottos. I like this motto. I also find watching and reading the current news can help put things in perspective as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emelee Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I like this motto. I also find watching and reading the current news can help put things in perspective as well. I have discovered the same. If you feel bad - turn on a sad documentary about people who have it so much worse. That will get your mind some perspective. You will feel sad if you are constantly around happy successful beautiful people, unless you also are a happy successful beautiful person. That's why I think people need to just stop pretending that they are never sad. Instagram and Facebook for example. People never post photos of when they are sad and depressed. You give the impression that everything is happy happy happy. Realistically, that is not the case. So people need to stop acting like their lives are perfect, it will only depress others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Language is important when things are not brilliant in life too I believe. I have heard people say that they are devastated by something, or how EVERYTHING is terrible, and it's the worse day of their lives etc. When I am going through a cr*ppy time I make sure that I a) keep the words I use appropriate to a situation, and b) keep the perspective of what is actually cr*ppy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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