Frankie reads 2014

[frankie]

Frankie

Thanks for the recommendation of moving Rosie Project up . I'll try to read it soon ,when the right mood hits !

I hope you enjoy it! It had me in stitches

 

 

 

About the book you just got  Did you know

the author committed suicide right before Christmas ?) The book must follow his life very closely . I hear it is REALLY good ,but sadly, the young guy who wrote it ended up taking his own life just a couple months ago .

 

No, I did not know How awful

 

 

That was nice of the library to show it's appreciation for your donation. I have a couple of books that i got for Christmas that i didn't really enjoy enough to keep but i don't want to just to give them to the charity shop because they're in mint condition. I hadn't thought of donating them to the library but that's what i'll do so thank you for helping me solve my book dilemma Frankie 

You are mighty welcome! That's what I like to do with my books: I usually first offer them on here as book swaps, but if no one's interested, I then might have them around for a while to see if any friend would like to have them (my Lahti friend comes to visit maybe 3-4 times a year and I always have a small stash of books for her to look through, and I do believe she has at least 15-20 of my have read -books in her bookcases), and after that I will go through them and I want to donate the ones that are in good shape to the library. I know they are grateful for any donations I particularly like it that I can add to their English literature bookshelves. They already have a very decent amount of English titles, but I do like it that I can add to that. And the rest I will just put in the free book trolley at the library (or sometimes I might take them to the Red Cross charityshop).

 

Your new book sounds really interesting   but then i read Julie's spoiler 

I know, it was a bit of a downer I wikied him after reading Julie's spoiler, and he was born the same year I was (-81). He was my age! =( And incidentally, he committed suicide the day after my Bday last year.

Edited February 4, 2014 by frankie

[frankie]

I'm starting to wonder if I am an introvert myself. Always been a very quiet, shy girl, never did parties or drinking and always preferred being home on weekends with a book. I only have two or three friends I socialise with and often spend time on my own away from my partner.

There are loads of stuff on the internet about this. Maybe you could read this article and see what you make of it

 

For me, this explains it the best and it's so spot on. It's by Schroeder Jones:

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2014 by frankie

[frankie]

Well, I suppose it was wasn't really the type of book I was looking for; I know now that Quiet was mostly for introverts in the workplace. The book title Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking was a bit misleading. I was looking for general books about introversion.

Oh brother! I didn't know it was mostly about introverts in the workplace. I thought it would be a general book (I haven't looked into it yet because I have other books on the go at the moment). Wow, the title is seriously misleading. Now I'm rather disappointed.

 

I've found a few "Introverts Unite! and how to tell the world how we are" sort of books. The amount of times I have read these books, and punched the air going "Yeah, that's me!" At least I am not the only person in the world who feels that way now, but it does feel as if you are in a (very small) minority.

So do you have any titles you'd recommend?

 

I found a cool T-shirt when googling stuff.  Maybe we should make a group order for the BCF Introverts United

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, that is exactly the way I feel too!!  . Quite a lot of the time I still feel very awkward in social settings, even with people I  know and get on with, and due to my disability (aphasia) I have real problems with being in a busy, noisy places. But I am very happy with being who I am, an introvert!

I sometimes feel awkward in social settings, too, even with people I know. If it's a bigger crowd or if it's a more official thing (like a wedding or something like that, I get nervous. I hate formal seatings, having to sit at a particular seat with people I haven't chosen to sit with myself. It's just so awkward! If I ever have a wedding, I think I'd like to keep things very casual and have people sit where they want to

 

I hate busy, noisy places, too. I can't concentrate on what my friends are saying when there's so much happening in the surroundings. But like you, I'm happy being who I am, and that's really the thing that matters. Suppose if we hated being introverts!

 

And suppose we didn't know what it was, and just didn't realize what was 'wrong' with us, being different from all the 'normal', sociable people. I'm glad we have a dianosis

 

I need my own quiet space, and I am happy with my own company - in fact, I need my own quiet company, and constant chatter and other people all the time is a a nightmare! I am happy to tell people about this these days, but I used to be mortified if someone thought that wasn't 'normal to be an introvert.(Well, I tell some people about this, and the sort of people who would "get it", but most people are so gregarious and need constant human company, who think that it's crazy to be happy alone) It's only in the last 10 years that I would admit that I am an introvert. Now I am proud to say it!

I think you would enjoy Finland very much. We are known for not doing small talk, we would rather keep quiet. (Although I think that's changing a bit, and of course it's a generalization.) Also, over here it's more acceptable for people to want to have their own downtime. I just read about this recently somewhere and fully agreed: in Finland people realize and understand if someone wants to spend some time on their own, whereas in some other places it might be considered a bit more weird.

 

The one thing I wonder is that could an introvert ever be happy and at peace dating an extrovert? I think I would go nuts if I was with an extrovert. I guess it depends on how well the other person understands introverts and how well I would understand an extrovert.

 

 

Wow #2! You have just said what I had wished to say about myself!  I have more confidence with people these days, and can chatter much more than when i was younger, but sometimes I feel that I wish I would shut up! I hate saying inane/drivel/balderdash things,(usually when I feel anxious or nervous) and I feel mortified when I am talking rubbish, and i worry for hours/days/years after, thinking "You Idiot! Why did you say that?!" .  It's always difficult to get the balance right, and I'm always self-critical, so that makes things worse. Sounds familiar, frankie? Hey, Introverts unite! 

I know! I hate saying inane stuff, too, I wish I could just shut up instead. But do you know why I sometimes resort to saying inane things? Because I fear people expect me to talk, and because I feel like I have to, I'll say the dumbest things because I can't offer words of wisdome 24/7. If I stayed true to my form and shut up, people would think I'm stuck up and arrogant. I have had many people think I'm proud or something because I'm quiet.

 

The worst thing that happened was at a party, maybe 10 years ago. I was friends with this fellow English student A, and she became friends with S who was friends with R. We were all English students, and because A and S started to form a friendship, the four of us would sometimes hang. S was the most talkative person ever, I never got a word in, but she always talked about things I had no interest in anyway, so I never had anything to say. I don't think she even liked me, but when she had this housewarming party, I guess she felt obliged to invite me because she'd invited A.

 

At the party, the guys are in the livingroom, sitting on the couches and the girls are standing at the other corner of the livingroom, talking and talking. S is leading the conversation, so it's all about makeup, furniture, glassware, decorating the place, latest fashion, etc. I have nothing to say to these things so I listen. And then out of nowhere she asks me, 'Sari, why are you always so quiet and don't say anything?'. And I'm dumbfounded. Why would she ask me that infront of all the other girls. And I noticed that the guys went quiet, too, and the whole room was quiet.

 

One of the most embarrassing moments in my life. She put me on the spot. I don't even remember what I said. I was so mortified.... The thing is, I don't think she meant any harm by the question, I think she was just genuinely curious. She was not a mean girl, even though we were very different in other ways.

 

The best thing that came out of the whole thing, with having to deal with S: because my friend A and S became close friends, S's close friend R and I started spending time together, I guess out of convenience, and a bit surprisingly, she's one of my best friends now So it all worked out very well in the end

 

Sorry, I went on a ramble.

 

But yes, the balance is the most difficult thing. How to not go on a rampage of inane talk, and how to not keep as quiet as to make people think you're proud and rude. It's a struggle! Of course the most important thing is to be comfortable with yourself, in yourself. And you have to remember that it's okay if people think you're rude. They simply have a wrong idea of you, and that happens in life. (And I mean you in a general 'you', not you Marie! I'm not saying people think you're rude ) I know I have had wrong ideas of people before and I will continue to do so in the future, and it doesn't matter if we don't in any way act upon those ideas. We can't make accurate and deep analyses of every people we meet in life. If that makes any sense.

 

So yeah, all hail introverts!

[frankie]

Frankie, it's really nice of the library to send you a card! I hope you enjoy your new book . I'm an introvert too and understand what you (Frankie) and you (Marie) are talking about, I'm like that too.

 

Thanks Athena! Our library's the coolest

 

Welcome, welcome, join our introvert ranks, together we shall stand  Or sit. And read books!

 

 

Athena, I am glad to hear that you are an introvert too  ! It took me a long time to realise that I was happy with myself, being an introvert, and that I didn't have to try to change, to be more extrovert. This is just the way I am (but part of me still worries me that I am rather aloof and stand-offish to people, but I have always been shy, and there is very little I can do about it  . I don't mean to offend people being aloof, but I'm not a party animal/person. It's wonderful that introverts can talk here, as it is very rare to meet introverts in the real world. (I only know one other person who is very like me)

 

I also tried to be more extrovert at some point, and it was draining. Nowadays I'm happier to just accept that I'm an introvert. I can still try and be a bit more sociable at times if I feel like it, but I'm still an introvert at heart. Introverts can be sociable, too, they just need more downtime to recover. I enjoy my own company but I also need my friends' company and I do like to get to know new people sometimes, too.

 

Like I said in the earlier post, there's always the risk that if we are quiet in social gatherings, people will think we are rude or proud, or stand-offish like you said, but I guess that's the risk we have to take. If they judge our characters based on that alone, and don't want to try and get to know us, then what's the harm, anyways. We don't need to prove ourselves to people who make such quick judgements. And if they do want to get to know us better, they will find out that we're just introverts, and then they will understand And if not, then good riddance

[Marie H]

For me, this explains it the best and it's so spot on. It's by Schroeder Jones:

 

 

 

I think that sums up introvert/extrovert differences exactly! 

I think Quiet was just a bit dry and dull, I hope that when you read it will be helpful at least. I like some books about introversion a bit more light hearted. I'll have to look up which introversion books I've had - but all ones have all been short and pithy, and they seem to be previously as blogs on the Internet.

And I love the "introverts unite, individualy!" is so good. 

I loved reading your experiences as being in intro. and having to deal with extros., and how sometimes they can be so 'negative' about introverts. It makes feel better about my self, knowing that it's not me who come in the situations. The last time it happened to me, someone asked me "Are you anti-social?" , to which I managed to say "Yes!" 

I'm really glad that started this!Ramble away, it's great to read them!!   

[Devi]

There are loads of stuff on the internet about this. Maybe you could read this article and see what you make of it

 

For me, this explains it the best and it's so spot on. It's by Schroeder Jones:

 

 

 

Definitely sounds like me all over! I hate crowds of people and loud noises as well.

[Athena]

 

For me, this explains it the best and it's so spot on. It's by Schroeder Jones:

 

 

 

x

That's a great image, it's very much me too (introvert).

 

I'm sorry to hear S put you on the spot Frankie, though I'm glad something good came out of it .

 

I've also always needed lots time on my own. I don't have many friends in the Netherlands that I see often (it would be too tiring). My boyfriend's an introvert too so we both spend some time doing our own things. It was a bit of a hassle sometimes at first, one of us sometimes wanting to spend time with the other when the other needed his/her rest. We seem to have settled into a balance these days that we are both comfortable with .

 

That all said, I do enjoy reading this forum and writing with all of you (although often it can be tiring too). I consider you my friends.

 

Devi, welcome to the club !

[Nollaig]

Hi Frankie! Hope you don't mind me jumping in with some thoughts.

 

 About the book you just got  :Did you know

the author committed suicide right before Christmas ?) The book must follow his life very closely . I hear it is REALLY good ,but sadly, the young guy who wrote it ended up taking his own life just a couple months ago .

 

 

 

I have seen the film and read the book - both are absolutely excellent and I highly recommend them - but I didn't know that either! That's so tragic I'm really sad now. Gosh.

 

There are loads of stuff on the internet about this. Maybe you could read this article and see what you make of it

 

For me, this explains it the best and it's so spot on. It's by Schroeder Jones:

 

 

 

 

I've seen that sketch before and it's very true. I too am an introvert, and that is exactly how I feel all of the time. My best friend is an extrovert, and very much a personification of the personality described in that sketch, and if she has had a long tiring work at college, work placement and work, her way of unwinding is to have a few drinks and go out for the night with her friends and boyfriend. To me, that just sounds like even more tiring effort on top of a tiring week! I definitely enjoy going out and being around people, but I need a break of AT LEAST a week, sometimes more, between nights out, just to recover and have time to myself. I spend the vast majority of time by myself, online, reading, drawing, watching tv shows and talking about things on here, Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Communication online is not nearly as draining for me because it is not face to face. My best friend can never understand how I'm happy to be alone so much.

 

Like I said in the earlier post, there's always the risk that if we are quiet in social gatherings, people will think we are rude or proud, or stand-offish like you said, but I guess that's the risk we have to take. If they judge our characters based on that alone, and don't want to try and get to know us, then what's the harm, anyways. We don't need to prove ourselves to people who make such quick judgements. And if they do want to get to know us better, they will find out that we're just introverts, and then they will understand And if not, then good riddance

 

I agree completely. I try to make a bit of an effort, but even with my best efforts I'm always going to be quieter than the average person when you first meet me, because it takes me time to figure out what kind of energy people need from me - is it just my passive attention, which is easy, is it my active engagement in conversation, which requires more effort, etc. And I absolutely agree that if people are worthwhile, they'll make a bit of an effort - which is why I try to too.

[bobblybear]

I'm most definitely an introvert, and also very quiet in most situations, but especially where there are people that I'm not familiar with. What I really hate is when people draw attention to it, or make comments about quiet people, while looking at me....I get quite embarrassed because I don't know what to say.   I know they are only teasing, but it does make me uncomfortable, and even less inclined to talk. I mean, I never ask an extrovert why they talk so much, because I don't care.....they are who they are, and I am who I am. The world would be a much better place if everyone just let everyone else be their own person!

[Nollaig]

Agreed Booblybear! I think it's because it's seen as the social norm to be extroverted, and introversion is associated with nerdiness, shyness, generally qualities that are traditionally less valued in social situations, and so people think there is something 'wrong' and question it. It's very awkward when people question you about being quiet. I have one very extroverted friend who could talk for Ireland and she's brilliant, probably because her sister suffers from anxiety - but she understands that I am quiet, introverted and need a lot of time to myself. I went to Toronto with her last October and she said quite openly if I ever needed time to myself not to feel bad asking because she wouldnt be offended. People like that are rare and so valuable as friends to introverts! I find they're actually one of the best kinds of friends an introvert can have - personally speaking, I'm happy to be surrounded by chatty people who will do all the talking, allowing me to enjoy the company without the pressure of constant interaction myself, because they know I'm happier that way.

[Kylie]

I'm starting to wonder if I am an introvert myself. Always been a very quiet, shy girl, never did parties or drinking and always preferred being home on weekends with a book. I only have two or three friends I socialise with and often spend time on my own away from my partner.

 

It definitely sounds like you're an introvert, Devi. Welcome to the club.

 

Frankie, I guess it's true that Quiet speaks mostly about introversion in the workplace, but it is all stuff that can be applicable to life as well, I think. I still found it really interesting. I hope you'll give it a chance!

 

I like that introvert image, but I don't think it describes me exactly. For me, I don't feel like I *give* energy at gatherings. I just feel like it is drained from me just by merely attending.

[Devi]

Thanks for the welcome all!

 

I somehow feel like a weight has been lifted a little. I wasn't sure if I was normal for awhile, i think it explains why people ask if i am depressed.

[Kylie]

I know exactly how you feel. For most of my life I've felt like there was something wrong with me and that I wasn't normal because I don't like socialising very much. Now I realise it's quite normal and that there are many, many others like me! But it's still difficult trying to convince some people (extroverts) that we're normal.

[Athena]

It's great to see many introverts on here, it makes me feel less weird! I agree Kylie, there are many extroverts out there who don't think the way we are is normal. Back at university most students I met were extroverts and loved to go to parties and social gatherings and such. It was always difficult trying to explain that just studying was difficult and tiring enough for me and that going to any other social thing to do with students wasn't my thing at all and would only cost me lots of energy, I also don't like things like that. A lot of them never really understood I think, oh well. I'm glad I've got you lot as my friends .

[Janet]

Although I am quite happy in my own company I would definitely call myself an extrovert. One of my close friends is an introvert but I would say that most of the people I know are extroverted too.

 

It's hard to tell online though - I would say that none of you who have posted come across that way.

 

(I hope my post doesn't come across as offensive - that's just an observation)

[frankie]

I think Quiet was just a bit dry and dull, I hope that when you read it will be helpful at least. I like some books about introversion a bit more light hearted. I'll have to look up which introversion books I've had - but all ones have all been short and pithy, and they seem to be previously as blogs on the Internet.

If you find any titles you'd recommend, just holler! I found this one and it seems good, and they have copies at the library and I reserved one for myself.

 

 

I loved reading your experiences as being in intro. and having to deal with extros., and how sometimes they can be so 'negative' about introverts. It makes feel better about my self, knowing that it's not me who come in the situations. The last time it happened to me, someone asked me "Are you anti-social?" , to which I managed to say "Yes!"

That reminds me of another picture I saw yesterday when I was looking for that other one.

 

 

Of course that's not the case for introverts (well not all of them, ha) but it made me laugh!

 

 

I'm most definitely an introvert, and also very quiet in most situations, but especially where there are people that I'm not familiar with. What I really hate is when people draw attention to it, or make comments about quiet people, while looking at me....I get quite embarrassed because I don't know what to say.  I know they are only teasing, but it does make me uncomfortable, and even less inclined to talk. I mean, I never ask an extrovert why they talk so much, because I don't care.....they are who they are, and I am who I am. The world would be a much better place if everyone just let everyone else be their own person!

I really hate it, too, when people draw attention to someone being quiet. I've sometimes thought I should've just asked S in return, 'why do you talk so much' and shrugged, as if saying you're this way and I'm that way, there's nothing more to it.

 

When we had our Christmas gatherings with the family back in the day, all the kids were excited and noisy. I was one of the oldest of the cousins, and the only older girl, with a bunch of boy cousins, and because I was a shy awkward teenager, I used to be happy watching the others play with their stuff, I would sit in the corner and be happy just listening to other people talk. We have home videos of these Christmases and it used to pain me to watch them because people would always point and say 'haa, there Sari is again, in the corner, all quiet' and laugh. But nowadays I'm fine with that, I can laugh with them because now I know that that's just who I was and partly who I am these days and I'm comfortable with that. I know they don't laugh out of spite or anything They laugh at all the others, too, but they are happy laughs, made of memories

 

 

 

 

Frankie, I guess it's true that Quiet speaks mostly about introversion in the workplace, but it is all stuff that can be applicable to life as well, I think. I still found it really interesting. I hope you'll give it a chance!

Oh I'm definitely going to read it, now that I have it, I just thought it was going to be a more general book

  

 

Although I am quite happy in my own company I would definitely call myself an extrovert. One of my close friends is an introvert but I would say that most of the people I know are extroverted too.

 

It's hard to tell online though - I would say that none of you who have posted come across that way.

 

(I hope my post doesn't come across as offensive - that's just an observation)

There was nothing offensive in your post

 

I don't think it's all that surprising to see there are so many of us introverts on here, because I think reading is one of the introverts' passtimes And being online is another.

Edited February 5, 2014 by frankie

[frankie]

Thanks for the welcome all!

 

I somehow feel like a weight has been lifted a little. I wasn't sure if I was normal for awhile, i think it explains why people ask if i am depressed.

 

I almost missed this, sorry! I'm happy that this has been useful to you. I'd recommend you read more on the subject, to understand the whole thing and yourself a bit more. And maybe next time you can tell people who ask you if you're depressed that nope, you're just an introvert and happy about it

[Timstar]

I'm certainly more introverted than extroverted. Nothing wrong with being quiet either, means you spend more time listening unlike a lot of people who just wait for their turn to talk.

[Nollaig]

I'm certainly more introverted than extroverted. Nothing wrong with being quiet either, means you spend more time listening unlike a lot of people who just wait for their turn to talk.

 

We don't even have that in Ireland - it's standard issue here that in order to particpiate in conversation you must talk over everyone else until they give up and wait to try again later! Definitely one of the contributing factors to me being so quiet is that I won't talk over anyone, I think it's incredibly rude, but Irish people do it all the time.

[frankie]

I'm certainly more introverted than extroverted. Nothing wrong with being quiet either, means you spend more time listening unlike a lot of people who just wait for their turn to talk.

 

Yep. I know a few of those. And some won't even wait for their turn, they'll cut you in the middle and they can even change the subject I know one in particular. She will never really listen to what I'm saying, and I can see that she's really working at being quiet til I finish, but it's like she just wants to jump in and talk and talk. But then when she opens her mouth, it's like 500 words per minute and it's all unrelated to what I've contributed. And the few times I've asked her why she won't listen, she'll never just give an answer, she'll say something completely besides the point. And then she always wants to meet up when she's in town, and she wonders why I'm not so keen on meeting her. What can you do?

Edited February 5, 2014 by frankie

[Karsa Orlong]

I don't normally post about this sort of thing, cos I tend to be very private about personal stuff on here, but I agree with a lot of what's been said above.  I'm an introvert, too.  I used to be painfully shy - I'm not quite so bad now, but I still tend to fade into the background if I'm with a group of people I don't know very well.  I kind of recognise the comment about interaction being exhausting, in that - if I am going into a situation I'm not comfortable with, i.e. with a bunch of people I don't know - I expend a lot of nervous energy beforehand and end up clamming up and seeing the conversation pass me by.  I'm not good with first impressions - I think it takes a long time for people to get to know me, and vice versa.

 

[frankie]

^ I usually find that the people I make easy, quick friends with are the ones that don't stick. The ones I didn't think I'd be friends with, and whom it takes a lot longer to get to know, those are the ones that usually end up becoming much closer friends and sticking around

[Devi]

This is all so amazing.

 

I don't know about the rest of you, but i feel more comfortable talking to a forum full of people I haven't met more than I do to my friends about certain things - like my health. Odd i know.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Devi

[Athena]

I don't know about the rest of you, but i feel more comfortable talking to a forum full of people I haven't met more than I do to my friends about certain things - like my health. Odd i know.

x

I don't think it's odd, it's the same for me. But nowadays I don't have many friends left that I see IRL that aren't related to my family, so it's a bit hard to compare. I do know I find it easier to discuss my autism with you lot than with most of my family members or related family members. I'm glad you're comfortable discussing things with us .

 

Think about it, if we all ever were to meet up, all of us introverts might feel uncomfortable!

[Marie H]

Well folks, these posts have been a real eye-opener to me, and to find that so many people in BCF are introverts  . It's not that surprising, I suppose, as introverts seem to be naturally drawn to reading books (and love to discuss them), and often prefer to communicate with others through the internet. I have read so many posts that I agree exactly with you!!