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ned

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    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    Sometimes when my internet is down, I forget that the rest of my computer still works.

     

    Dilemma.

    Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

     

    William shakespeare is an anagram for "I am a weakish speller"

     

    At a recent Man Utd - Man City derby, Sir Alex Ferguson goes into the Man Utd changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks.

     

    "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only City and we can't be bothered, we always beat them."

     

    Fergie looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."

     

    So Fergie goes out to play for the Reds by himself and the rest of the United team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the television on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Manchester United 1 - Manchester City 0 (Ferguson 10 minutes)." He is beating City all by himself!

     

    Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on. "Result from Old Trafford: Manchester United 1 (Ferguson 10 minutes) - Manchester City 1 (Ireland 89 minutes)."

     

    They can't believe it; he has single-handedly gotten a draw!! They rush back to Old Trafford to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. He says, "I've let you down, I've let you down."

     

    "Don't be daft, you got a draw, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!" Giggs says.

     

    To which Fergie replies: "No, No, I have, I've let you down

    More football

    in Sport

    Posted

    it is also the reason so many fans wear the scarfs, you get fitted with one when you buy a season ticket, if you try to leave the ground before the end of the match it's goodbye head

    More football

    in Sport

    Posted

    Benitez has a bad beard but it's no competiton to Adrian Chiles, that is just wrong

     

    And the scarf, maybe he is trying to cover one of those special collars the prisoners wear in the running man. "Finish in the top four or we detonate it."

    More football

    in Sport

    Posted

    I really really hope it's another 9-1 loss, Roberto Martinez deserves it for what he did to Swansea.

     

    Well 3 - 0, it's not 9 but it's still a bit of a thumping

    More football

    in Sport

    Posted

    It'd be great if a bobble on the pitch caused them to lose, they really deserve to for playing on a pitch like that, not only is it unprofessional but also dangerous for the players

    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    While visiting an old and spooky country house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.

    To reassure her, the guide informed her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.

    "And how long have you worked here?" asked the woman.

    "Three hundred years."

     

    Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?

    Swarm

     

     

     

     

     

    Two prawns were swimming around in the sea.

    One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

    The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

    Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;

    I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'

    A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'

    Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

    Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

    Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely

    All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

    Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

    He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

    With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristians home.

    As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

    He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'

    Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

    Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'........

    'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian'

     

    I said to the wife " if I put slimfast in your knickers, will it make your bum slimmer?". Next day I woke up and noticed that my boxer shorts had powder in them. I said to my wife " have you put talc in my boxers?" , she replied "no, its miracle grow"

     

     

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