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bev

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Posts posted by bev

    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

    As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is

    installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to

    withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new

    facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when

    accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &

    FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate

    steps for your gender."

     

    MALE PROCEDURE

     

    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

     

    2. Put down your car window.

     

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

     

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

     

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

     

    6. Put window up.

     

    7. Drive off.

     

    FEMALE PROCEDURE

     

    1. Drive up to cash machine.

     

    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

     

    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

     

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

     

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

     

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

     

    8. Insert card.

     

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

     

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

     

    11. Enter PIN.

     

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

     

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

     

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

     

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

     

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

     

    17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

     

    18. Re-check makeup.

     

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

     

    21. Retrieve card.

     

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

     

    23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

     

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

     

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

     

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

     

    27. Release Parking Brake.

    Hello from Tillymint

    in Introductions

    Posted

    Hi

    I'm Susan and I'm from Preston Lancashire. I was told about the site by Bev from the Good Reads Website, (yes Tillymint is me Bev!). I love reading and at the last count I think my book collection was around the 950 mark.

     

     

    :) Hey Susan, you will love it here !! They are a great bunch (most of the time !!:roll:) Don't believe anything you hear about me (unless of course it's good !! :))

    What are your guilty pleasures?

    in General Chat

    Posted

    We get two digestives with marshmellows squashed in the middle and then we microwave them! :D YUM.

     

     

    :yahoo:Tried it !!! Yep works for me, very yummy. Word of warning tho they prob work out better if they're NOT choc digestives,no matter how much you lick you still can't get rid of all the chocolate !! :she: But hey I was desperate !! Shopping list for tomorrow will include marshmellows & PLAIN digestives !!! I'm gonna blame you Nici when my thunder thighs won't fit in my jeans!!! :mad: Elasticated waistband required for Fat Bum Bev !!!:D

    What are your guilty pleasures?

    in General Chat

    Posted

    Cheers Nici, I will give it a bash !! Once I've cleaned this damn chocolate off my face !! I am currently sporting a mask of choc like a two year old !!! it's at times like this I remember my mum getting out a tissue, spitting on it dragging it across my face to try to make me look presentable !!! If she could see me now she'd be mortified :D

     

    Thanks bookwormmum, i don't mean to be funny it just sort of randomly happens !! :D

    What are your guilty pleasures?

    in General Chat

    Posted · Edited by bev
    I've licked the chocolate off!!! well most of it !!

    I've just found some choc digestives at the back of the cupboard (god only knows how long they've been there !!) I'm franticly trying to lick the chocolate off 'em ! :D

     

    Nici, how long in the microwave ??

    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

    "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

    "Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."

    Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

    The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''''I''m Eddie, I''m here to pick up Betty. We''re going for spaghetti, is she ready?''''

     

    "No," the farmer said.

    The second beau came to the door and said, ''''I''m Joe, I''m here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''''

    "No."

    The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''''Hello, my name is Chuck.''''

    The farmer shot Chuck.

    Funny story & Joke Corner

    in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc

    Posted

    Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

    "Sand," answered Juan.

    The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

    A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"

    "Sand," says Juan.

    The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

    This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

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