Talisman

What a day it has been! Thankfully the job situation seems to be finally (almost) resolved, and as is often the case, when I got right down to the nub of it, it turns out that the problems I have had there are not really anything to do with what I thought they were. It was staring me in the face really all along. I spoke to my Union rep yesterday to fill her on it on the whole situation, and she advised me to make it an official grievance. I really did not want to do that if it could possibly be avoided, so resolved to speak once again to my own Manager, who encouraged me instead to go and see the CEO. Yes, I know this sounds a bit drastic, but our CEO is not like most others I have met. This is a woman who shook my hand on my first day of work and said how pleased she was to have me on board. This is also a woman who has an OBE for her work in the House of Lords to do with helping those with disabilities to achieve equality in the workplace. No ordinary woman then - a formidable business woman, but an approachable one at that. I managed to see her just before 9am and explained (between tears) the situation re the breakdown in communications. She was very concerned re this, as I knew she would be and said she would speak to HR on my behalf as soon as their own Manager arrived, which she did. Later that morning she informed me that she had arranged a meeting between the three of us for later that afternoon, to discuss things, clear the air and for them to give me a response in writing that I could take home and digest. The meeting was in the end very productive and I am really glad I did this in going to see her. It is clear that I am not going to get anywhere re a pay rise, at least not for the moment, but there are things I can do to try and change that, and I was given some good advice on how to do this which can be taken up with both my own Manager and his. I think for me, especially after being turned down for the Supervisor post that I applied for earlier in the year, there is also a sense of frustration re the lack of opportunities to progress in such a small department. These are again discussions that I need to have with own Manager as to what can be done to try and rectify this. The most important thing that I got from this though is the realisation that it is frustration re my other colleague, the one who was recently off sick that really lies at the heart of all of this. It is more than anything his attitude, and the fact that does not do his job, but appears to get away with this while being paid more than I because of the extra responsibilities that he has. I discussed this all the time with my previous Manager, and was under the impression that he had brought many of these issues to their attention, but it seems not, he only mentioned the problems that he himself had with this man. Among other things he has made snide comments about me shirking when he sees me chatting to other staff members and/or clients, constant accusations of me wanting to do everything and sucking up to the boss, not giving me the information that I need to do my job and deliberately trying to undermine my efforts at work. A good example of this was that when my previous Manager trained me in how to use the scrubbing machines. He was watching through the glass doors, pretending to clean them, in an effort to deliberately try and put me off. When he knew I had applied for that Supervisor post earlier this year, he also told me to my face that he did not feel I had the experience to do it, and that if I got it he would not cooperate with me. Just the other day I caught him trying to read my personal emails as well. It turns out then it is him that I really have a grievance with and I am not the only one. I know my Manager already has one pending re his refusal to cooperate with or even speak to him. He has been disciplined so many times for many different things, but is still here. It really is maddening. I get the feeling though that after today when I really didn't mince my words, that this will be taken a lot more seriously. As for me, I need to start documenting all this stuff. I have been keeping a work diary for the last 2 months which will help, but of course he was off work for 2 months anyway, so I now need to start writing down every single thing that he says and does. I am though really glad that all this stuff is finally out in the open and they now know exactly where I am coming from.

You would have to train them to understand the full veracity of your remarks first, as otherwise it may sound like obnoxious fluvia.

Your real name: June Your detective name: (Main character's last name of the book you're reading and your birth month) Said June Your soap opera name: (middle name and name of your first best friend) Margaret Coran Your star wars name: (first three letters of last name, first two of middle name) AusMa Your Superhero name: (color of your shirt and the weather outside) Blue Cloudy Your Rockstar name: (Your favorite color and favourite animal) Green Pig

I don't get that. There is probably something in the settings somewhere. I will have to have a look around and see what I have done which is different to you.

It's one of those beautiful sunny but crisp autumn days today with just a gentle breeze. Perfect for walking and just about warm enough for sitting out in - assuming you can find somewhere quiet enough.

Ulysses - James Joyce

What is perfection anyway? How is it defined and is your definition of it the same as mine?

I opened a Good reads account about a year ago after I got my Paperwhite Kindle. This was about the time of the big software update where Goodreads was added as a seperate button on the newer Kindles. It asked me when I set up the Kindle whether I wanted to open an account and so I did. I don't write reviews or anything like that on the site, about the only thing I use it for really is to catalogue the books that I have read and to set challenges for myself and track their progess. It is useful for that, although there are other ways of course, like good old fashioned counting. I have set up folders on my Kindle for each year, so when I finish a book I place it in the folder relating to that year. That to me is an equally good way of knowing what you have read - assuming of course that all the books you read are on Kindle. Goodreads is really just a way of sharing that with others that you know.

I started my 70th earlier in the week.

I suspect this sort of thing happens in a lot of companies. The people I work for are actually a charity. They offer different types of accommodation to disabled adults according to their level of need - residential care for those unable to live independently, and supported living accommodation for those who can. This can be either at our Main site or out in the wider community in one of the houses or flats that the charity owns. Support staff help the clients to manage their finances and look after their flats, and generally act as mentors for them. Most of the clients also attend skills and activities training at our main site, which includes things like creative arts and textiles, horticulture, IT, retail and catering, which is aimed at helping them to find paid work. We also have what we call day clients who live with their own families or in accommodation which is provided by other organisations.

I do hope things work out ok for you too at work Autumn. I don't think personally that giving up your promotion is the answer, as that isn't really dealing with why you feel this way in the first place. It is always far better in my experience to deal with this, but of course it is up to you. It is always nice though to be told you are appreciated. This is the thing that gets me to be honest. Everyone there says how much I am appreciated and how good I am at my job, but this does not seem to be reflected in what I earn. Of course it isn't all about money, and it is true that I am far from struggling, but it also true to say that I am the lowest paid person working there, as cleaners very often are. In fact I don't even get a living wage. I am of course talking about the real living wage here as set down by the Living Wage Foundation and not the Governments one, which everyone knows is and was just a higher minimum one. This to me is about a lot of things. Money is an issue yes, but it is also about a lack of opportunities to advance in my career. Perhaps more than anything though, it about feeling valued and being treated with respect. It goes back really to when my previous Manager left at the end of April. He had been responsible for managing all the onsite maintenance team, including us cleaners, but when he left they decided to put the Offsite Manager in charge of the entire maintenance team. They also decided though to create a new post of Cleaning Supervisor, which I applied for. I had my interview and was told I did really well, but I didn't get it. They offered it instead to someone half my age with just a few months cleaning experience. The reason I was given for this was this he has Management experience (from running a mobile phone shop) where I don't. This new Manager, who failed to tell them that he has ADHD, told me in confidence however that the real reason I didn't get it was because they were concerned that I would not be able to manage one particular team member, and that he would make life so difficult for me that I would leave. This is the same person who was recently off sick for 2 months - an alcoholic who hasn't done his job properly for years, and spends most of the time complaining about the place, yet because he has responsibility for ordering our stock and maintaining the COSHH (control of substances hazardous to health) sheets. earns £1000 more than me. Rather than deal with that then, they decided to make my life much more difficult than it needed to be - this in my opinion says more about them than it does me, as it means that are not prepared and/or able to offer support to new Managers when they need it. This man's behaviour and their lack of support to him was certainly a contributory factor to my previous Managers resignation. When I first started there 2 1/2 years ago as a full timer, I replaced someone who was part time. The job then of course changed as I had time to do a lot more - many of the extra things that my colleague does, but my predecessor did not - using the scrubbing machines for example (she was never trained in how to do this) and replenishing stock in the various departments around the site (again, she never even had a key to our storage shed, whereas as I do). My job spec was though not updated to reflect this, hence the fact that I am now asking for a pay rise. It seems only reasonably after all, since my job and my duties have changed considerably in those 2 1/2 years. They are saying though that this is insufficient grounds. The point is though that if all they are going to do is keep saying that it falls under other appropriate duties then I will never have the chance to move up and get that rise. They need to specify exactly what it is I need to do to show that I am doing more and make this clear. There are various disciplinary things also going on with my colleague, which of course I can't go into, and his days there may well be numbered. BUT my previous Manager tried to get rid of him for years and didn't succeed, so I will believe that when it happens. In the meantime, my Manager is trying to get the responsibility for ordering stock taken away from him, as he isn't very good at it anyway. He seems to think that moves are afoot to transfer that to him and then upgrade all our job specs minus the stock control. If that does happen then assuming my colleague is still there, they won't have a leg to stand on, as we will both be doing the same job. They won't be able to take his higher salary away from him so that means they will have to pay me the same, as of course you can't get away with paying a woman less for doing the same job. There is then as you can see an awful lot going on, and I need to get on top of this before they do get rid of him. I suspect I also need to send a lengthy email over the weekend to my Union rep ....

I have certainly never had one like that. Everyone I know seems to be going through the mill just lately, both on and offline, and I feel for every single one of you. Things at my work seemed to be getting a bit more positive for a while, and at last I seem to be sleeping better and feel a lot more stable in myself. I should have known it was too good to last! Some of you may recall that at the beginning of September I asked for a pay rise. I hadn't heard anything at all since then, so on Monday went to HR to ask them. It turns out that they had a discussion with my Manager re this several weeks ago where they decided they are not going to give me anything, but for reasons best known to them did not tell me about this. To say I was and am angry and pissed off is an understatement. What they are basically saying is that all the extra stuff I have done falls under the remit of what they term as "other appropriate duties". This is though just a get out clause to wriggle out of giving me anything. So, I have sent them a long email basically saying that's what you think and detailing every single thing I have done. There is a lot of other stuff going on as well which I won't go into too much detail about, but suffice to say it has all been put in writing and will now have to be dealt with.

I haven't done this in Britain Virginia, but I did once spend a month travelling around Europe in this way using something called an Inter Rail pass. This gives you access to most of the train and many of the ferry routes across Europe. The only extras you may have to pay for are things like sleeper berths on the overnight services. It was brilliant actually - I saw something like 10 countries in 30 days and loved every minute of it. When I wasn't sleeping on the overnight trains I stayed at hostels. Unfortunately I don't think there is the equivalent rail pass here, and I am not sure if I would recommend that as a way to see Britain anyway, as the best bits are also the most remote where there isn't a great deal of public transport. I would personally then consider renting a car to see it properly - where you stay is of course up to you and depends on the level of comfort that you need. If you don't mind sharing rooms and bathrooms with others then I would definitely recommend youth hostels. Don't be misled by the name, as you don't have to be young to stay at these places. I have stayed at hostels all over Europe and they are great places to meet fellow travellers and for the most part very well equipped. It is certainly the cheapest way to stay in London. You can google their website for more details. If you plan to use them a lot then it would be worth becoming a member as you would then get a discount - not only on beds but also on a lot of other things. They have an equivalent organisation in the States as well of course which gives you a discount on hostels abroad, so check also to see how much membership of the American version costs, as you may find this better value. As for what to see and where to go - your best bet is probably to get a good guide book and read up a bit and see what you are interested in and take it from there. I have always found Lonely Planet the best, but it is really your preference. There is a lot to see - London of course, seaside towns such as Brighton, ancient sites such as Stonehenge and Avebury, the various National Parks, and of course Wales, Scotland and Ireland - both North and South. You could easily spend a month or more exploring each of these separately, so you will need to be organised and know what your priorities are. I wish you luck with it - it sounds like quite a venture that will take a lot of planning.

I am not a fan of any kind of guided tours. I don't do package holidays either - except for the more expensive long haul destinations such as when I was a lot younger, China and Egypt. I think you do probably need guides for that kind of thing. As for the Czech Crown - during the short time that I was there it went from about 32 to £1 down to about 29. I am glad your sister is enjoying her new job and your brother is also enjoying himself. Work for me wasn't too bad. As expected my colleague has been complaining about our Manager already - I was hoping his illness may have changed him a bit, but it doesn't seem to have done. I am just trying to stay out if his way though really and worry about my own workload. It's all you can do.

I do hope you are ok Virginia. I haven't been following the news at all while I was away so I didn't even know there had been a hurricane. Yes Prague can be expensive if you are the sort that wants to eat out for breakfast, lunch and dinner and do guided tours of everything - that though is not me. I would much rather explore at my own pace, learning and experiencing things for myself. I don't see a need either to eat out three times a day - I had an apartment and so being gluten free took the basics with me - cereal for breakfast, and some bread for a quick sandwich in the evening. I had lunch out each day, which ranged from 144 to 320 Czech Crowns (anywhere between £4.50 and £11). I budgeted £150 for spending money and stuck to that pretty well, including £20 worth of duty frees at the airport, which wasn't bad. I am sure though that if you wanted to you could spend a lot more. As for work - yes, it will be interesting when I go back tomorrow. My colleague returned to work while I was away. He has no doubt been quite seriously ill, but if I know him he will be milking it for all he can and complaining about all the changes that the new Manager brought in during his absence. My Manager in the meantime is now on his own holidays for 2 weeks. I will then have to clean his areas I expect. That isn't a problem though as I used to do this anyway. I expect there will be a meeting with the Department Manager at some point to fill me in on what happened at the meeting that took place upon my colleagues return. HR may want to see me as well re the grievance that my new Manager lodged against my colleague (he was spreading nasty rumours about him and at point refused to even talk to him at all).. It will be nice to see the clients again though.

I have visited plenty of reading and writing festivals but never book fairs. There isn't a lof of point now I have been converted to Kindle.

I got back from Prague about 9pm last night and it was brilliant. I rented a lovely little apartment near the main bus station which was convenient for pretty much everything. Prague has a great Metro system, but I didn't use it apart from to get to and from the airport, as it is a very walkable city, great for exploring on foot. I probably averaged about 5 to 6 miles a day, although on my busiest day I walked about 10. I am used to that, so for me it wasn't a problem. It is such a beautiful city though - the architecture and the sense of history are amazing. I didn't make it to Terezin in the end, but saw all the main sites in the city - The Castle, The Old Town Hall and Astronomical Clock, Charles Bridge and of course the Jewish Museum, with everything in between. I also of course went to my first opera (Rigoletto), which was brilliant. The State Opera building is being renovated at the moment, so they are using one of the smaller theatres nearer where I was staying, which made it in some ways better. Sadly Czech food seems to be predominantly meat, and unlike Poland, there do not seem to veggie adaptations to this. There are some great vegan cafeteria style eateries though which are inexpensive. I treated myself to a few more expensive meals as well in some of the better restaurants. The beer was great too - I tried both of the gluten free ones that are available. The Czechs have a reputation for not being that friendly, but I didn't find this at all - all the ones that I encountered were very friendly and helpful. It is though a very commercial city. The Chinese and Germans in particular seemed to be everywhere. For this reason and the fact that it is a little more expensive, I probably preferred Krakow, although I am glad I went.

I don't suppose your brother has room in his suitcase for me Athena - I don't take up much room honest ! I am astonished to find that it is October as well, the time just seems to fly by. I am off on my own trip tomorrow morning - this time to Prague. The flight isn't until 10am, but I plan to have breakfast at the airport, so will be leaving just after 7am (we only live half an hour away) to get there before 8am just in case there are queues. The airline I chose (a cheap Czech one called Smartwings) doesn't offer online check in which means I may have to brave the queues. I plan to spend most of my five days exploring the city, but may travel further afield as well, possibly to Terezin, the site of an infamous concentration camp (I went to Auschwitz last year). I am also looking forward to seeing my first opera on Monday night.

This time tomorrow I will be there !

Books that I have and recommend (some more than others): Brunei - Written in Black - KH Lim Burma – The Road to Wanting: Wendy Law-Yone, The Art of Hearing Heartbeats: Jan-Philip Sandker (I would definitely recommend both of these) Cambodia – When Broken Glass Floats – Chanrithy Him, Survival in the Killing Fields - Haing Ngor China – The Vagrants – Yi Yun Li Hong Kong - Girl in Translation - Jean Kwok, Whispering Shadows - Jan-Philippe Sendker Indonesia - Hotel K - Kathryn Bonella, The Tea Lords - Hella S Haase Japan – Norwegian Wood: Haruki Murakami, Hiroshima - John Hersey Korea North – Nothing to Envy – Barbara Dimmock, Escape From Camp 14 - Blain Harden Korea South – Please Look After Mother: Kyung-sook Shin, The Vegetarian - Han Kang Macau - The Fan Tan Players - Julian Lees Malaysia - Evening is the Whole Day - Preeta Samarasan, The Gift of Rain - Tan Twan Eng Mongolia - On the Trail of Genghis Khan - Tim Cope, Mongol - Uuganaa Ramsay Papua New Guinea - Mister Pip - Lloyd Jones Philippines - Banana Heart Summer - Merlinda Bobis Singapore - Singapore Sling - John Malathronas Thailand - The Beach - Alex Garland

I finished my 67th book about an hour ago.

Thanks Athena. I know a lot of women find it hard to talk about this stuff, and I admit it is difficult for me at work being the only female in a team of 9 men, but most of them are similar age to me and have wives and girlfriends who have or very soon will be experiencing this stuff too. You can't really be shy about this sort of thing, as it is natural and happens to almost every woman on the planet, assuming she lives that long ! Talking to other women at work and just in general, I am astonished as to how common this problem with sleep seems to be, and wonder why women don't talk about this more. It started for me about 4 years ago, but because I was told that menopause is about hot flushes and eratic periods I didn't even consider that it may be due to this. If I had known then I could have saved myself years of misery and sleeplessness. I am not then going to be ashamed and embarrassed about talking about this, as it is really important that other younger women do know about this - education is power ! On a high note, I slept well again last night - not as well, but much better than without this stuff. On an even higher note, I have now finished work for the next 9 days, and am off to Prague on Sunday morning. I also suspect (as he has told at least one other member of staff) that my Manager has finally disclosed his ADHD. This is great as he is still here, so they have obviously accepted it, just as I said they would (it is a disability charity after all) and my colleague who has been off sick is returning to work on Monday. Good news all round then.

That's my opinion as well Autumn. It just seems pointless to me to say that they will not offer HRT until I have stopped producing my own oestrogen, as menopausal symptoms are from my understanding caused by what is in effect withdrawal from it in the first place. By the time you stop producing it you therefore no longer need it anyway! I also realise of course that your body does need to get used to it at some point, which is why they usually recommend the lowest dose possible for the shortest time possible and that when you do come off it, that happens slowly to diminish the possibility of your symptoms returning. Mine seem to be getting worse which is usually a sign that the end is in sight. That could still however be several years down the line. I can see the logic in many ways then of what the doctor said and there is of course a lot to be said for herbal, more natural medicine as opposed to artificial (as in non human) hormones. I was just disappointed that he did not seem to take things seriously when it was clear that the lack of sleep is having a serious and very detrimental effect on my life. I tried the higher strength herbal stuff last night though and had the best nights sleep I have had in more than a year. I still woke up at 3.30am but this time, instead of staying awake tossing and turning I went back to sleep, and that by itself made an enormous difference. I awoke feeling just like my old self again with bags of energy and feeling optimistic and ready to face the day. I only hope that this will not be a one off and that it will continue to have these results as they do recommend that you try it for a few weeks to really gauge the effects. If it doesn't help then it will be back to a female doctor for a second opinion.

It sounds like everyone has been havng a busy week, and I am no exception to this. Things seem to be improving on the work front - whatever they said to my Manager at his 3 month review he has taken it to heart, as he has been making a real effort these past few days. My old Manager came in to see us all today - I haven't seen him since he left 5 months ago. It was nice to catch up and share a coffee and a chat. He even remembered to bring me some chocolate. He is a lot happier and less stressed, so his job working in a motorcycle shop suits him. I got the results of my blood tests on Monday. They confirmed what I already knew - I am going through the menopause. The Doctor (male) I saw has refused to even consider HRT saying (wrongly according to al the sources I have looked at) that it is not appropriate for someone in my situaton, and that it will unnecessarily increase the risk of certain cancers. He offered basically either a 14 day dose of sleeping tabets or nothing. Even on sleeping tablets I still found that I woke up at 3 or 4am, so this is not a solution. I have been trying the herbal stuff from Boots, with the same effect, but I noticed that Holland and Barratt have a sale on and some of their high strength herbal stuff in half price, so I went shopping after work today and bought a crate load (3 boxes to be precise, as I had a lot of points on my loyalty card to use up). If that doesn't work then it will be back to a female doctor for a second opinion.

I do hope you feel better soon Athena. I feel a lot better than I did - no doubt my hormones are surging again ! It was back to work this week, and what a week it has been. As soon as I got to work on Monday I asked for a meeting with HR and my Department Head, which was interesting to say the least. I explained to them why I had been off sick and what had led to the situation, explaining all the problems and issues with my Manager, but without actually telling them about his ADHD (that is for him to do). The fact that he wasn't in on Monday due to a family wedding helped. He was back on Tuesday and I took the bull by the horns and had a much more difficult conversation with him where I encouraged him once again to disclose his condition. I had an email from HR also on Tuesday confirming our conversation and asking if there was anything else to add. I told them about him ringing me that first day off to check if I had filled up the washing up liquid, which they agreed was definitely a concern. On Wednesday from what I understand the Department Head, my Managers own boss went round all the different departments that he is responsible for cleaning and spoke to the staff. From what I understand he was shocked at some of what he found. Then on Thursday the three of them, my Manager, HR and the Department Head had their own meeting, as part of his three month review. This is normally when they decide whether you make you permanent staff or not. He is still here, so I am guessing that that period has been extended. Of course they are not going to tell me that though. Neither is he likely to tell me whether or not he told them the truth. The truth always does come out though in the end, so it's all good. I expect they will be an email from them on Monday perhaps letting me know the outcome of the concerns that I raised. I had my blood tests on Thursday morning as well. They had to try 3 times before they found a vein, so it was not the best. Two of the results came back yesterday as borderline, but I have to wait until Monday for the rest of them, at which point I will no doubt need to make another appointment to discuss them.