poppy

feeling dispirited or neglected, you need only to call my name and I'll be at your side, your devoted servant, ready to whisk you away from this vile beast and transport you to the heights of ... ' 'That'll be quite enough from you, you obnoxious pillock! OUT!!' and I grabbed him by his scrawny ear and shot him out the back door. 'Darling, was that absolutely necessary, after all ...

believe in, my revolutionary ideology!' I looked at Rosie aghast, 'Is this true, Rosie??' She had the grace to look a little embarrassed and squirmed in her chair. 'Well not entirely, Clyde. I mean I love your work ethic, you do such a wonderful job. And your rapport with our darling kitty cats is absolutely amazing. But your political views are ... how shall I put this ... rather bizarre, and to be quite honest, totally incomprehensible to me.' 'Well, that's it!' he stormed, 'I can see my time here has been totally wasted!' and with that he ...

We Wish You a Merry Christmas ~ Traditional

strong and upbeat music to get my message across.' If he hoped to be a representative of political dissent, he wasn't going to be very successful. His demeanor was off putting, his voice affected and he walked with the look of a pouter pigeon. Since I agreed with the sentiment, it was rather disappointing. And the loud music was upsetting our moggies. 'Who invited HIM in?' I asked. 'I did,' said Clyde, 'I thought ...

Christmas Without You ~ Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers

by the fact she'd been throwing up several times a day. Our Rosie was made of stern stuff ... after all she'd put up with her father all her life, enough to nauseate the most robust digestive system, in my opinion. 'Darling, you will have to take it easy now. Leave everything to me. Would you like a nice cup of tea? And a bickie? That's supposed to be good for a dicky tummy. Here's a pillow for your back. Put your feet up, sweetheart. I'll bring you your book. Which one are you reading? Ooooh I AM excited! I'm going to be a daddy!' 'Oh Johnny, you are a sweetie, but stop fussing,' Rosie laughed, 'I'm ...

'What do you do with ze very naughty girls, yah?' asked a giggling Ilga. 'Hehehe, vell first I likes to ...ahh hum, I mean naughty gals get thrown over me knee and ...' And there we'll draw a veil over Major Flowers and Ilga, on privacy (and censorship) grounds, and return to Johnny and Rosie's Cat Cafe, where we find them both relaxing with a large mug of tea, a plateful of jammy dodgers and a purring cat on each of their knees. 'Isn't this so nice and peaceful, Johnny? Why don't we ...

gone the way the Major was hoping. 'I wish to speak to my Ilga, my inamorata. This is the number that was disclosed to me!' 'Watchu want with me 'ilda, you sicko? Callin' 'er yer tomata! I gotcha number! Bladdy geezers like you want their knackers ...' The Major hung up, rather shaken. Although not comprehending much of what the man was saying, his tone made it quite clear that ...

Her message read ... 'Darling Reggie, I am chumping on the bat, in the making of our acquaintances. I feel deep connection to your esteemed self. You send 1200 euros to Ilga Sturmbahn, Sterling Bank of Nigeria 066-666-666 and I fly to your side, with great hasten. Your ever loved Ilga' Attached was a photo of a buxom, well upholstered blonde dressed in a traditional German dirndl. 'Just my kind of gal!' chortled the Major. He immediately...

A Holly Jolly Christmas ~ Burl Ives

be if he had a lady friend to share it with.' 'It'd get the old fart out of our hair, anyway!' Rosie gave me a reproving look. 'Well, I'm just thinking of you, my love, and Daddy, of course. What about one of those speed dating thingies? He could meet a whole lot of eligible old dames ... hopefully loaded.' So we booked him in. He dressed in what he considered the pinnacle of fashion, though which era had climbed to such appalling heights was anyone's guess. He wore a loud plaid suit in a bilious shade of mustard, an orange bowtie and topped it all off with a bowler, that had seen better days. However, feeling he looked snappily dressed and exuding confidence he swaggered off, twirling his cane. The first lady he met ...

Step Into Christmas ~ Elton John

Reading Miss Carter and the Ifrit by Susan Alice Kerby, Cheerfulness Breaks In by Angela Thirkell and Murder In Cold Mud by Emily Organ, depending how the mood takes me 😄

complete neglect and abuse. I could tell you stories that would make your toenails stand on end and your hair curdle!' He sighed pathetically, 'Impia iuventus est hodie.' Medic Felix Nightshade, 42, from Barking, gave him a long, impassive look. 'Could I just have a quiet word? Are you his son, sir?' 'Good lord, no!' I shuddered. 'Heaven forbid! Rosie here's his daughter, patience of a saint, this girl.' He took Rosie aside and chatted for some time, the upshot was ...

Another Christmas Song ~ Jethro Tull

got Thunderstuck by AD/BC? I loved doing the polka to that when I was in Wisconsin. It's their national dance, don't you know.' 'Thunderstruck is?? I asked incredulously. 'He's really lost the plot now, Rosie,' I said in an aside. 'I know, he's only ever listened to high-brow opera and classical music, like Boccherini and Donizetti.' 'Never heard of them. Sounds like foreign muck to me.' 'Yes, I'm more of an ABBA and Barry Manilow fan myself.' I thought it best not to comment on that. A faint siren could be heard approaching. Daddy looked excited, 'That'll be ...

Merry Christmas Baby ~ Charles Brown

... we'll call the ambulance straight away. Johnny, quick, ring for an ambulance!' 'What about the music?' I asked, stalling for time. 'RING FOR AN AMBULANCE, NOW!' shouted Rosie. I rang 111, the number for less urgent cases. I could always pretend I got them mixed up. With a bit of luck the old coot would croak before they arrived. And it would give me time to get something concrete in writing about leaving us all his brass. He must be in a pretty bad way, talking about Rosie's mother like that, she'd been dead for years. To add a bit of insult to injury, I cranked up Wild as the Wind by Bon Jovi. I couldn't wait to see his face. But when I strolled back in, there he was ...

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) ~ Darlene Love

like a 'wee puppy friend'. As much as I love dogs, we had the cats to consider and I didn't want them bothered by an over-excited bouncing puppy. 'Your hair looks lovely, Rosie. What colour do you call that?' 'Sea Mermaid. Johnny, what's that noise?' 'What noise?' I asked innocently. 'That thumping noise, it sounds like it's coming from the office.' 'Oh, it's probably just Cylde doing a bit of spring cleaning. You know how enthusiastic he is.' 'I must catch up with him and see what he thinks of my hairdo.' 'No, Rosie, let's have a cup of tea and a catch up first. I've got so much to tell you.' But too late, she was making a beeline for the office. 'Why, the doors locked!' she exclaimed. 'Golly gosh, how did that happen?' 'Did you lock him in??!!' She unlocked the door and out burst a very purple-faced, irate and hyperventilating Daddy. 'YOU, YOU ...

Driving Home For Christmas ~ Chris Rea

You Make It Feel Like Christmas ~ Gwen Stefani

disappointment. Forty pages into Lady Chatterly's Lover and I'd nodded off from boredom. The writing in Fifty Shades of Grey was so abysmal and trashy that I'd rather get a prostate exam than go anywhere near it. No, I'm going to stick to my Tom Clancy's and Lee Child's, thank you very much, when I need a little excitement in my life. Talking of excitement, it now sounded like the Major had taken to the office door with a sledgehammer. All the cats were going berserk. And who should walk into this pandemonium but my darling Rosie, looking very ...

Child of Winter (Christmas Song) ~ The Beach Boys

better to concentrate on books that weren't so soporific? The same thing happened every time I attempted to delve into an Ibsen or Dostoevsky. I'd no sooner read 'Alexey Fyodorovich Karamazov was the third son of Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov ,..' and my eyes started to glaze over. Perhaps I needed to try something a bit racier. It would save a fortune in spilt tea, laundry bills and first degree burns. But my musings were rudely interrupted by a loud pounding noise coming from the office. Time for me to ...