The wonderful Pam Ayres take on it
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,... down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!!