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Posts posted by poppy
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with his presence. 'Well praise be!' Parson Cross enthused, 'God has provided, the poor of our parish will be fed tonight. It reminds me of the Bible story of the five loaves and two fishes that fed the multitudes. All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed to move mountains. And here we have a veritable mountain of beef burgers, my prayers have been answered. Thank you, thank you for your stupendously generous donation,' he said wringing the drivers hand. 'May God bless you abundantly and peace be with you brother.'
The driver looked very sheepish and decided he'd send the bill instead to Mr Revolting who had ordered the consignment.
'Ahh humm, you're very welcome Padre ... your Reverence ... Your Holiness ...'
'HAHAHA,' Victor gave a great braying laugh, causing Fred to take a nervous step backwards, 'just call me ...
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Heart of Glass ~ Blondie
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four dancing girls, three ...
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are those morons doing out there?'
On inspection, I discovered the huge pile of cat litter, mixed with a generous helping of dirt, deposited slap bang in front of our door, making it impossible to open. I bellowed at the idiots but they just waved and drove off.
Fuming, I rang the truck company and told them if they didn't move the heap forthwith, they'd have a lawsuit on their hands.
But the receptionist said that those were the instructions given, she had them in front of her.
'Who in hell gave those orders, I'll have their...'
But she'd hung up.
That left only one thing to do,
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Anyone Who Had a Heart ~ Dionne Warwick
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If anyone is interested in cosy mysteries, there's a one day free deal here.
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for delivery?'
'Well I don't know about that...'
'I've been tossing up whether it's really worth the bother of putting up with your pesky boys around the place,' I added.
'Very well, then,' he sighed. 'You do know the esteemed Major Flowers is being held in police custody, don't you? He's asking for bail, but as you know, my limited funds won't allow for it at this stage. Perhaps you ...?'
'Best to let the law take it's course, I feel. And not a word to Rosie, she thinks he's away on holiday in Liechtenstein and the idea of him being incarcerated would ...
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You Took Me Heart and Soul ~ The Narcs
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asked Rosie if there were any of my favourite jammie dodgers left.
'I can't be thinking of jammie dodgers at a time like this! Whatever's wrong with you, Johnny?? Daddy's obviously suffering from some sort of temporary mental lapse and he needs us!'
'That's all very well, but we've no idea where he is (I knew exactly where he was but had no intention of sharing that little piece of info) and ...
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because he thinks it
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Only You ~ The Platters
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are you talking about! You're not making any sense and your words are all garbled. Have you been drinking or something? Oh no! You haven't been ...'
'Here give me the phone,' I said. 'Now Major, let me speak to the Fuzz.'
'Who's fuzzy? Are you calling me fuzzy, you impertinent whippersnapper? I'll have you know ...'
I hung up on him. 'Oh dear, we seem to have been cut off. Never mind ... he'll ring back.'
'But where is he?' wailed Rosie.
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I Put a Spell On You ~ Nina Simone
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'Come up and see me sometime.'
This being a family forum, we'll draw a polite veil over what occurred between Cruella and Major F. But suffice it to say that the police did become involved, not at the request of the Major but rather in the form of a raid on an unlicensed premises. He was caught in a most compromising position and found himself once again sporting a pair of sturdy handcuffs.
Being allowed to make one phone call, he rang ...
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Little Red Rooster ~ José Feliciano
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seriously substantial pair of bolt cutters, equipped to despatch the largest of locks.
'Gazooks, man, watch where you're waving that great big thing around!'
'Now don't yous fret, Padre, me'll 'ave you out o' tha int jiffy.' He tapped the side of his nose and with a loud chuckle added, 'Tha soul o' discretion, tha's me, you boys and yon bedroom games.'
The Vicar bridled and retorted indignantly...
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to the purgative effect
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Sweet Little Sixteen ~ Chuck Berry
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and eating the most
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...very out of shape he is. I gave up waiting for him to find the handcuff keys he'd dropped somewhere along the way. So I thought I'd find me boys, they're expert in the art of lock-picking, bless 'em. Now you just come with me and I'll introduce you to an old friend of mine, Maud Heliotrope, she runs a retreat for ...
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Sweet Sixteen ~ Billy Idol
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whose other talents include
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Walking On a Dream ~ Empire of the Sun
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do you all hound me so? Is a man to get no peace? Cats caterwauling, deranged dogs, Revolting rotters, pesky Parsons and bothersome boys in blue. Where does it all end, that's what I want to know.' The Major clutched at his hair, which didn't really have enough spare for that kind of treatment.
'Dear Major, you're merely suffering from the ill effects of stress and overwork. What you need is a complete rest, and I know just the place.'
'Do you really think,' asked the Major pathetically ...
Four word story...
in Quiz Room / Thread Games Jokes etc
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