Jump to content
bev

Funny story & Joke Corner

Recommended Posts

On 28/07/2020 at 2:06 PM, Chrissy said:

I finally saw them! I can see them if I am wearing my reading glasses, but there is not a hint of roundness when I am not!  :D 

 

2 hours ago, muggle not said:

The older a person is the less clear the circles are. :)

 

I don't know what you could possibly be implying with this statement!  :harhar: :rolol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/29/2020 at 12:40 PM, Chrissy said:

 

 

I don't know what you could possibly be implying with this statement!  :harhar: :rolol:

And you can imagine the trouble I had to see the circles. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 31/07/2020 at 2:41 AM, muggle not said:

And you can imagine the trouble I had to see the circles. :)

 

You say that.......yet you posted it! My husband can't see them at all, so I was VERY happy to show him your post. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/31/2020 at 1:41 PM, muggle not said:

And you can imagine the trouble I had to see the circles. :)

 

On 8/3/2020 at 1:32 AM, Chrissy said:

 

You say that.......yet you posted it! My husband can't see them at all, so I was VERY happy to show him your post. :D

:giggle2:

 

I hate to admit it, but I think the reason I can see the circles is because I'm short-sighted and used to seeing things out of focus :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

from circles to a library ;)

 

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"? The girl Answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!! All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed. After minutes the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him I study psychology and I know how a man thinks, I guess you felt embarrassed,right?

The guy responded with a loud voice :$300 for one night That's too much!! and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer. The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"So, you're drunk."

Me:"But I didn't drink anything."

Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"

Officer:"A prostitute of course."

Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend... 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WHO DREAMS THESE UP?.............A lexophile of course!

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Athena said:

I love those punny jokes :lol:!

These aren't as funny but they may get a chuckle out of you. :)

 

 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fcc37abc6-f85a-4d04-aa86-e56ca467a121.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=rdgh7kLwNCDN1OhArcPLkg--~D
 
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fe84ef08f-9742-488e-adb0-20bc8862765f.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=3Je9Q9Ax57MSSkV52u1nrw--~D
 
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2F35c77ce4-ae9e-4d6b-8c7b-09e8515d01f0.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=432CjTILusB8EsvejHWewg--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fee6310d5-3a04-4ce8-a0fe-4d3b10e286d4.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=eJTm5FDBpI.d4eb7P6xsuA--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Faa778fe1-fc3b-4246-a023-080cf6aa3770.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=2ld.WCrQXpMbRQbjlHIn3g--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fcb952f6f-9ad1-4f99-8406-64cecc190104.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=RMQ6Ed2jnNDZJnCD2jV_XA--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fac5fcdf9-1cb1-4996-91ce-fc32ee219043.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=keAplSEtewda1oyvexwFpw--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2F712ad0f6-7561-4cc2-968f-489aa499f676.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=S1zwbzzWeurTkELPgmjgsg--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fe9fcb015-f446-42b3-8779-3af86d2435cb.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=g3yYtKa5oVGxPPQ5pjiWvg--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fc4a42b83-fc71-401a-950e-9026e8f94da2.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=aXxD4nSOOB3HWCSxwObp6w--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2F7e4382f1-f5b6-4f67-a813-6f8a8d16337c.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=EuntEeNydu_drwproSg5qw--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2F8920d88c-002d-4fd0-8a33-3f04ddd3a232.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=IVCBEo08lQlmj8RjDhR0eQ--~D
 
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2F27847634-4d95-48bb-b303-953c4699f235.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=vIMSvaDA1At6RS_L.XYO8Q--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fa78fd6b0-d8a6-4ef4-9c7f-0dfdca48283a.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=w89fj8Pa88V6wdXIXD9FNA--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Fb2b9e634-d0d4-4486-9c7b-52bab2f8b560.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=8KRqcOL6jLr595tB_8tgOA--~D
 
mail?url=https%3A%2F%2Fgallery.mailchimp.com%2F84c1c345c2cb06b46d38f1d1f%2Fimages%2Ff0e6d00b-8b7f-4fa7-885d-9b683261be8a.gif&t=1596646937&ymreqid=9175d5f3-e991-d8e8-2f2b-c5000a01da00&sig=ZWuSU4MFa9.JgsXTkZl5pQ--~D
 
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Has this one been posted.

 

CLEVE R PARAPROSDOKIANS ( A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous.)

If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Take my advice, I'm not using it.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

Men say women should come with an instruction manual; but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.

I was going to give her a nasty look, but she already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:lol: a lot of these are really great!! I had not heard of paraprosdokians, what a nice word!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×