sorry to seem argumentative Maureen, I am really not trying to be, it's just a difference of opinion!
But I don't agree with what you have written above. Even normal children at that age don't know they have done wrong, they only know they are being told off. I have seen stupid teenage mothers slapping very young children in pushchairs and it makes my blood boil. It was obvious the child did not know what it had done "wrong" and just became scared and frozen because it did not know what to do to make mum "love " her again.
In Ben's case, he didn't start to "learn" until he had the bad experience of the dying place for Harriet to threaten him with.