Kell Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 How do Geordies listen to music?On a Why iPod As a Geordie lass, I have to say - HILARIOUS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 As a Geordie lass, I have to say - HILARIOUS! And it's actually not derogatory which is better than most jokes I get sent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 I see as part of Tiger Woods sex addiction treatment, he has to take a holiday in a location of his choice, to get away from it all, so last week he went to the 'Virgin Islands'. Or 'Islands' as they are now known. The ten largest baseball stadiums hold between 46,000 - 56,000 people. Just some ballpark figures for you. I got an answering machine today but I think it's broken. I've asked it loads of questions and nothing's happening. Understanding the horizon. It's beyond me. MSN News : 2004 X Factor Winner Steve Brookstein 'Eyes Comeback'. I wonder where they've been? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbielleRose Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Those are all great, ned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbielleRose Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Blonde Year in Review January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter. March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years". April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms. August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down. September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C." October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel. November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120. December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbielleRose Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know how to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying . . That phrase . . In no time.' Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' There was stunned silence. Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot And exclaimed, 'Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms. September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C." Technically that's right Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbielleRose Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Technically, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I like the parrot one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Sometimes I like to wear green trousers and a blue t-shirt and hide on the horizon. According to JLS you only get one shot. Thats a shame, theres four of them. 'Reader's Digest has filed for administration in the UK after failing to win pension scheme backing' Why didn't they just enter their own Prize Draw? "Paul McCartney hopes Abbey Road can be saved" If only Paul knew someone with enough money to buy it. If only. Oh well. Inside every Russian lady... Theres another Russian lady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Sometimes I like to wear green trousers and a blue t-shirt and hide on the horizon. According to JLS you only get one shot. Thats a shame, theres four of them. at the horizon one :motz:at the JLS one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Miley, Cliff and JLS, oh dear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 You can't bunch Miley and JLS in the same group. JLS are fantastic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 You don't mind bunching them with Cliff? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Not Cliff again :mrgreen: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 It's all i've got as a comeback Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 You like one song and all of a sudden I'm some kind of Miley/Cliff loving worshipper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 admit it, you have a shrine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Yeah, that's my big secret, my room is covered in clippings to do with Cliff Richard and Miley Cyrus. Never has there been a more suited couple Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 OK! would pay a fortune for those wedding pictures Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I don't know who I would feel more sorry for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 The public because there's bound to be a duet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephanie2008 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 The public because there's bound to be a duet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ned Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Some funny football quotes......... Gerard Houllier: ".....You can not say my team aren't winners. They've proved that by finishing fourth, third, and second in the last three years..." Steven Gerrard: ".....I've got a good record there- played one, won one - hopefully it will be the same after saturday....." Rob Hawthorne: ".....All of West Ham's away victories have come on opponents' territory....." David O'Leary: ".....Achilles tendon injuries are a pain in the butt....." Denis Law: ".....There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's another Ryan Giggs....." Clive Tyldesley: ".....He's not George Best, but then again, no-one is....." David Coleman: ".....On this 102nd Cup Final today, there are just two teams left...." Brian Moore: "....Newcastle, unbeaten in their last five wins....." Bobby Robson: ".....Well, we got nine....and you can't score more than that....." Ron Greenwood: "......In comparison, there's no comparison....." Ron Atkinson: "......I'm going to make a prediction.....".....it could go either way....." Peter Jones: ".....So Liverpool are ahead 2-1.....".it couldn't be a closer lead....." Des Lynam: ".....Real's second goal made it 3-0....." George Best: ".....I once said Gazza's IQ was less than his shirt number and he asked me.....'What's an IQ ?'....." Gordon Strachan: (after defeat by Everton) ".....I tried to get the disappointment out of my system by going for a walk. I ended up 17 miles from home and I had to phone my wife, Lesley to come and pick me up....." Niall Quinn: ".....the Albanians are penetrating us from all positions....." Thierry Henry: ".....If the referee had eyes, he would have sent Neville off....." Gordon Strachan: ".....The ref said: 'If I make a mistake don't make me look an idiot.' I had a great reply lined up but it would have cost me a couple of quid....." Andy Gray: ".....Anyone who takes drugs should be hammered....." Joe Royle: ".....Wolves beat Palace convincingly without being convincing....." Kevin Kilbane: ".....We kicked ourselves in the teeth....." Glenn Hoddle: ".....I have never heard a minute's silence like the one for Princess Diana....." Alan Brazil: ".....Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don't forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's....." David Unsworth: ".....Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground....." Ron Atkinson: (as Steve MacManaman hoisted the European Cup, after Real Madrid defeated Valencia) ".....you won't see that again now that the Scouser's got it....." Bill Shankly: "....I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Milan. If I had my way, I wouldn't even tell them the time of the kick-off.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbielleRose Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Those are great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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