Volunteer work

[Athena]

You're not a hypocrit, frankie!

 

Often family members or people you know really well, are the hardest to deal with. You shouldn't feel bad, it makes sense what all that's happened. I don't have time to write a longer post atm, but I hope you feel better about this soon.

[emelee]

After watching a horrible documentary about abused dogs and their road to recovery, I have decided to donate money to the Swedish dog protection association!!!!!!!! http://hundstallet.se/

 

I assume lots of people got the same idea, cause after the documentary I went to their homepage and it had broken down. Too much traffic. It's back up now.

Edited May 30, 2013 by emelee

[frankie]

I read your reply soon after you'd posted it, pontalba, but the whole thing I was talking about was too much for me at the time and so I felt like I couldn't get into it at the time, I put it on the back burner.

 

I know you are right when you said I'm only following my parent's lead, I've realised that some time ago but after that I've kind of started to think I'm even more of a hypocrite because now that I'm consciously aware of the situation, I haven't done much to change it for myself.

 

Last summer, when I was in a really good place with my own life, I did take a bit of a step towards getting to know my grandfather. He has a summer cottage where I used to go as a kid many, many times, but after us cousins got older and everyone went to study elsewhere and started to have their own lives, I never went again. I've always felt a bit uncomfortable with my Grandpa, and the less people there were at the cottage the more I would feel I had to interact with him and I would become more and more awkward. It's really stupid because my grandpa's never done anything to upset me, it's just that I never know what to talk to him, and he doesn't really seem interested in talking, either.

 

Anyhow, last summer I decided to do something about it, and when my parents were in the sauna and I was 'left alone' with my grandpa, I started talking to him about the weather, and he said how the weather used to be different back in the old days, and I then asked him something about that. It led to a whole series of things I learned about my Grandpa and his family, none of which has never been discussed before!

 

It was just so weird... Because when we would visit Grandpa, Mum's Dad, she would never talk to him about anything other than household chores, and Dad would be the one making the conscious effort to talk to Granps, and the whole time I would feel that my mother's very reserved and just anxious to get away. I've gone through decades of feeling that and then just doing the same thing myself!

 

Eventhough last summer, the time at the cottage, was okay with Grandpa, it's like it's just this one incident, and I unfortunately forget that when it comes to all the years of a very different kind of experience. I think I need to try and remember last summer.

 

 

Can you sit with your mother and have a heart to heart about the situation, first telling her how you feel about the situation, and then asking her if she could please, please explain her antipathy to her father.  If you could both get to the root of that, much would be cleared up and both of you would feel better, I think.  Even if she won't or can't go into any detail, at least get the outlines or gist of her feelings. 

 

I once asked my Mum why she never talked to Grandpa, and she wouldn't say a thing, and then Dad came to her rescue and said that your Mum has talked to him plenty. And that was the end of that conversation. As you see, we don't really talk about anything... Anything that really matters. That's how my family is

 

As for the dog: she died some years ago, and I have to say I'm actually happy about that because she went to a better place. And my cousins decided Grandpa was too old to take care of another dog so they never got one after that. For which I'm utterly grateful. You have no idea.

 

Listen, I certainly had issues with my paternal grandparents, and it took a crisis to engender any discussion.  Don't let a bad situation, or crisis do that for you Frankie, I was fortunate in that my crisis resolved successfully.  That is not always the case in life. 

 

Relatives are always the most difficult to deal with because feelings and the past run so deep with emotional triggers. 

So.  I'll say it again.  You are not a hypocrite.

 

Thank you pontalba, your words and advice have helped me, you are a real gem. I am happy your crisis resolved successfully, that is so important!!

 

You're not a hypocrit, frankie!

 

Often family members or people you know really well, are the hardest to deal with. You shouldn't feel bad, it makes sense what all that's happened. I don't have time to write a longer post atm, but I hope you feel better about this soon.

 

Thank you Athena, it really is true that family members and relatives are a whole other thing in itself, and should not be compared to just other people. I know this sounds silly, but I guess I honestly didn't realise that I had so much old baggage, and that with new, random people, there's no baggage and therefore it's just such a different thing to interact with them. It's really as simple as that, and yet I didn't realise it.

 

Thanks gals, you've helped a great deal    Good lord how I love this forum and the amazing people on here!

 

And sorry, I didn't mean to make this about myself, but something just came over me and the whole thing came out. I've never really talked about this before, to anyone, and I think some people may have wondered why I don't visit Grandpa...

[Athena]

frankie, you're always welcome to talk to us about these things . I find it quite interesting to read about your (and other people's) lives . I love this forum and the people here too!

[frankie]

I know, but I'm a rather private person and I don't usually discuss these things very easily... I guess I should learn to be more open sometimes... But thank you, it means a lot

[Eleonora]

Frankie, I would like to say so many things .. but I'm not sure I coukd express them in the right way. But you can undersand this...

And you're not hypocrite.

[frankie]

Thank you Eleonora! I haven't known you very long but I already know you have a good heart and you would only say something nice, constructive, and helpful

[pontalba]

Frankie,

I thought you might have seen my post, and were mulling it over.  I was a bit nervous you'd think I'd overstepped a boundary and am relieved you don't. 

Please don't think you are hypocritical with regard to the situation of your grandfather.  It's very confusing and a bit frightening....and you are only starting to tackle it, more over you have your mother's feelings to consider.  It's a fine line for you to tread, and you are right to go slowly, one step at the time. 

 

As far as people wondering why you don't visit him, don't worry about it.  First, if they don't know, and you don't wish to discuss it with them.......it's none of their business.  Everyone has a family story, good, bad or indifferent and it's no one's place to make a judgment of other's actions.  And, if they do it's their problem, not yours.

 

As far as discussing it here, well if you want to, please do so.....at your discretion.  Sometimes simply stating the problem out loud (so to speak/type) will clarify a situation that when kept locked up in your head only runs around like a nutty squirrel.  Even a journal would possibly help.

[frankie]

You were right, I was mulling it over. You didn't cross any boundaries and I had no problems with your words!  It was only good advice and I needed to have a bit of a thinking.

 

I'll try and not to judge myself too harshly over the whole thing... It helps, the things you and others have said. Rome wasn't built in one day, and so I'm not about to make things right over night, either.

 

And you're quite right in that people do not know everything and should not judge one without knowing all the details. And that goes both ways: I shouldn't judge my Mum about her relationship with her Dad if I don't know anything about it.

 

Writing this down here has helped a bit, at least I've acknowledged the whole thing and I can start working on things... I used to keep a diary and I think it was good for me, I think it would do me good to take it up again...

 

Thanks again, pontalba!

[pontalba]

Thanks Frankie.

[raycheung]

i could like to volunteered to help the poverty and elder,unfortunately without  these organization around me

[Kreader]

I was in St. John's Ambulance as a teen and sometimes we would volunteer to be a first aider at events.  I've also worked voluntarily in a children's holiday playscheme, a group for disabled people and a group for the elderly. I've even had a go at volunteering in charity shops.  My last voluntary stint was as an assistant in a primary school.

[frankie]

i could like to volunteered to help the poverty and elder,unfortunately without  these organization around me

 

Where do you live? Do you have a Red Cross office where you live? I think if you asked around you might be able to find something to do

 

I was in St. John's Ambulance as a teen and sometimes we would volunteer to be a first aider at events.  I've also worked voluntarily in a children's holiday playscheme, a group for disabled people and a group for the elderly. I've even had a go at volunteering in charity shops.  My last voluntary stint was as an assistant in a primary school.

 

Wow, you've done a great variety of things, that's inspirational! It's all important work

 

I've been thinking how it would be great and practical if I could go on a first aid course some time. We did first aid learning in school but I've forgotten all about it. I know if something happened, I wouldn't know what to do, and I might make a nuisance of myself rather than actually help another person. The more you know, the more you practice, the easier it is to decide what is the best/right thing to do, and the more readily you would go and help.

 

I signed up for the Red Cross money collecting thing some months ago, after starting this thread, and I just remembered that they told me the next time they are collecting money is 12-14.9, and that's just a few weeks from now. Originally I was going to be in Helsinki at that time, but my trip got canceled so now I'm able to join the others and help. Yay

 

[Kylie]

I was in the State Emergency Service for 3–4 years. When storms caused damage to houses etc, we went out to help clean up (cut down trees, put tarps on roofs etc). Very rewarding work. But then I started working for myself and didn't have enough time to devote, so I had to leave.

 

I've been thinking of doing something similar to Janet (visiting the elderly/infirm with books) or going to a local swimming centre to volunteer helping with disabled people with swimming. However, I'm rather unfit and haven't done much swimming in recent years, so I'd really need to practice swimming first before I'm let loose on other people!

 

I also found out about a new program in Sydney where books are donated by the public and then taken to homeless people to read. I really love the idea of this - it would help them pass the hours. But given that it happens at night and I don't live that close to Sydney, it's a bit too far away.

 

The other thing I'd like to do is become a foster carer for small animals.

[Devi]

I worked as a st johns volunteer for a few years, did events and shows and performed first aid when needed.

[Librarylizzi]

I was a Special Constable for 6 years. I made some brilliant friends and learned a lot about myself!

[Tiger]

During sixth form, I volunteered for a while at a place for severely disabled primary school children, which was both rewarding and inspiring. Soon I will be volunteering with my local wildlife trust.